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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 56: Watch What You Say.

I hear people talk about so many useless and random things. I don’t criticize them on the spot, or behind their back to anyone, since I remember the days when I also used to speak just for the sake of speaking, just to be seen, just to be heard and acknowledged. I always had to make my opinion known, I always tried to have people see me in a certain light or think of me in some specific way, and so the things I said were just calls for attention, even when I myself didn’t see that at the time. I had to make my life into what I thought it should be, I had to make people know me, know who I am, what my beliefs were, how the system was wrong and I was right, and how my way of life was the only correct way to live life: recklessly, without a care in the world or a thought for the future. As I matured over the past few years, after living through the consequences of some of the bad decisions from my past, I’ve really stopped talking so much. I’d say I don’t even speak half as much as I used to. I try to practice discernment with all thoughts that come up in my mind, at least whenever I remember to do so, and I find that many of the things which I’m about to say can and should be discarded before they are even expressed. Nowadays I try not to talk so much, as I would much rather attempt to understand the things I observe, the things I see and hear, to relate them to my own experiences as well as what I’ve learned and continue learning. Most of the time we say things which we don’t know for sure, we make assumptions about others due to our limited knowledge of the situation they are facing, or of the life they have lived as a whole, or we offend others by only advising them from our own point of view, without ever taking a moment to place ourselves in their shoes. I try to give advice to my friends when they need it, though I don’t try to seem like I know everything, and I don’t go around telling people what they are doing wrong in their life, especially without providing any alternative to their current actions. All of us are struggling in this life, all of us are confused to a certain extent, all trying to do the best we can to stay sane and to survive, and maybe to transform our lives into great achievements, to make our dreams come true. This only seems to matter when it applies to ourselves though, but we are quick to kill the dreams of others, whether they are our friends or enemies, even if we think that words are pretty much harmless. Words are extremely powerful, and I’ve written on that subject before. So many of us are happy to see our friends remain where they are, never advancing or moving forwards, since they make us feel comfortable about who we are and where we’re at in life, so we only talk with them about trivial things, we never try to suggest any positive change or challenge, since the friendship might change for the worse or end if one of us gets higher up the ladder than the other. This is the way too many of us see things, yet the sentiment is often unconscious. We believe we want what’s best for our friends, yet we have no problem with letting them kill themselves with alcohol or cigarettes or drugs, so long as we are not the only ones doing it. We shouldn’t refrain from giving advice to those we care about, as it can be precisely what they need in order to move ahead and face whatever obstacle they may currently be facing, but we should always advise them in a humble manner. We always must keep in mind that we could have slipped just as easily as them, since we live in a world full of temptation and desire, our will is constantly being weakened, our minds attacked. We should never think of ourselves as higher than anyone else, as superior to anyone, just because they have done something which we consider horrible, which we believe we would never do ourselves. We don’t know what things can come to, we don’t know what everyone’s been through, and we don’t know why everyone does what they do. We can’t be the judges of humanity, we can only live our own lives. Only we have our own memories, our own aspirations, only we have our own ideas, our own I know that I know more about some things than others, though I don’t consider myself an expert in any specific subject, so I don’t pretend to be. Even so-called experts on any subject could benefit from thinking a bit less of themselves, leaving the arrogance behind, and admitting that there are many things, even about their special subject which they don’t fully understand. We learn during every day that we are alive, but it is our choice to learn the hard way, by arrogantly trying to mold life to our convenience, or to learn the easy way, by maintaining the attitude of a humble observer in this world. No matter how important we may think we are, whether we are the owner of the biggest organization on the planet, whether we are the most famous rock star or actor, whatever kind of celebrity, we all need to be humble enough to see ourselves as something else, something which we all have in common These days no one will take you seriously unless you’ve been to college or university, but I don’t think it’s necessary to Often times I’m too caught up in thought to say anything, I’m starting to let life happen more, without complaining, or without attempting to change the direction of things. I don’t know where I’m going with this, to be honest, but I have enough words and it’s time for me to meditate now, so off I go into a wordless space.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 57.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 45: The Incredible Power of Words.

Writing since I recognize the power of words. Nowadays I try to refrain at all times from saying things that are absurd. I question what I hear now, and what I’ve previously heard. Though I try to live in the moment, not attached to what has already occurred. Words contain power, by the power of words the world is ours. Words can lead to life or death, they can leave our mouth feeling sweet or sour. Or sometimes both, sometimes what needs to be said hurts. But it is needed. Sometimes words can get us high, like getting weeded. Sometimes words can lift us up, but they can also be used to destroy. Nowadays we treat the word as if it were nothing but a toy. We don’t understand the consequences of what we say. We think tomorrow won’t be affected by the words of today. We babble on about nonsense, it’s all a funny game we play. Yet we’ve forgotten how to communicate at the end of the day. When we’re alone, at home, no one calling on the phone, no text, just thinking about life and what may come next. Who can we talk to? Who can we tell. We all have a false identity we’re trying to sell. The ideal buyer is ourselves, but we don’t buy it. We know we can’t fool ourselves, but still we try it. We know we have a problem, yet we continue to deny it. Life seems like a plane about to crash, we just can’t fly it. So we talk to no one, we hold it all in. We don’t even write it all down with a pen. We don’t trust our closest friends, or even the members of our own kin. We can’t speak, we’re afraid to lose, so we’re bound to never win. We’re afraid to say what we believe, we only speak to grieve, to moan and to whine, we only open our mouths to fill our bellies with wine. With liquor, so the words that we speak become sicker, and harsher and harmful. They harm ourselves and others. It all starts out innocently yet it ends with fighting among brothers. Since we need to be drunk to say what we really mean, now we want to be the ones to speak, and so we act mean. We need to get our feelings out while we’re in this dream, because we couldn’t do it if we were just sober and clean. We speak the wrong words, only seeking glorification. We criticize our friends, our family, our nation. We follow all the worst trends of our generation. We moan about the weather and about our education. Yet others would kill to live as we do. We stick to our beliefs as if only they were true. We’re living in a bubble, and your words are bound to be misunderstood. With words, the most tremendous evil can be portrayed as good. Crowds convinced of the necessity to murder whole races. We’re all dying of fear inside but we see a smile on each other’s faces. We can’t be real, we can’t be vulnerable, we can’t be free. We have to be the hardest, we have to make everyone believe we’re exactly who they want to be. But we’re locked in a prison, our words become hell. We have nothing but our hidden frustration to show and tell. So we speak hatred in every direction, we curse because we have to wait at an intersection, we complain and we complain, and those around us are receiving a constant injection, of negativity into their minds, we spread it throughout the planet. Then evil comes back around to haunt us, and then we complain because we can’t understand it. We promote violence and division in our music, then we’re sad when we lose those we love. We think we can make a mockery of God above. We use our words to hate, to intimidate, to lie, to cheat. But what if we would bestow a blessing upon every person we meet? Words are energy, they never die. Words are constantly influencing you and I. Words, knowledge, wisdom, keep ideas moving through history. Words are the closest we can come to unraveling life’s mysteries. We need to speak to understand, to ask, to question and to listen. We don’t need to speak to promote our own selfish system. Too many opinions, too much empty talk. We need to be true to our word, it must be solid as a rock. We need to speak the truth even if it leaves our audience in shock. Because a hidden force will back us up, preventing us from being blocked. We shall achieve what we must, if we have divine trust, maybe our words can resonate with people millions of years after we ourselves have turned to dust. Words continue to inspire, words can transmit our love, our fire, to the minds of those who are haunted by the need for knowledge, who crave wisdom as their highest desire. We are free to speak rude words, to offend people, to seek to break people down, yet we would only be bringing ourselves down more than anyone else. The words we speak are only reflections of our own energy, and when we truly start to follow a righteous path, we will understand how useless it is to speak unnecessary words, or words that hurt people for no reason, or jokes which promote evil thoughts. Become purified, be forgiven for every time you lied. Now you are free to live, to be faithful to the truth, to give it your all, your purest intention. Determined, do what you must, speak what you must, write what you must, keep a record of your life, keep a record of your thoughts, keep a record of your habits. Create poetry and philosophy, create stories which teach morals to people, lecture and don’t try to promote yourself or your own philosophy, don’t try to gain anything from it. Simply and humbly speak the truth to whoever you can, realize how much power your words have.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 46.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 16: Notes From Past Months.

I wonder why God wanted Adam and Eve to live in ignorance. It seems that once the snake showed up it opened their eyes to the fact that God lied. He had told them that if they ate from the fruit of the forbidden tree they would surely die. As we know though, they didn’t die. Instead they gained insight into the nature of good and evil, they awoke from a dream of ignorance. So does God want us to be ignorant? It is a funny concept to imagine. We think of this as unfair, that God would hold back the truth from us in order to protect us. We feel that, although the truth may be uncomfortable, although it might destroy us, we want to know it. We do not want to be deprived of the truth, and we see it as a basic right. Why, then, do we hide the truth of the nature of things from our children until we deem them old enough to understand fully? Why do we consider our behavior just but God’s unjust? This could be one justification for God’s apparent lie, that we would die if we attempted to eat from the tree. Is it a good enough excuse though? And why should truth be hidden from us if it is good? If it is good and we were made in God’s image, in the image of all that is good, then why should we be sheltered from good? Is there some bad within good that we are not yet ready to understand? This could be the case. After all, the tree which imparted knowledge onto Adam and Eve was the tree of knowledge of good and evil, not of the knowledge of good. It seems that knowledge in itself cannot be only of good or of evil, but that knowledge itself must include both. Since this “knowledge” is dual in its very essence, we can assume that this knowledge is part of the dual creation. I think this is precisely where we can draw the line between knowledge and wisdom. Perhaps knowledge seems good to our limited perception, but it is actually knowledge of an imperfect world, therefore it is imperfect knowledge. In this dual universe, everything is both good and bad, positive and negative, yin and yang. All good encompasses bad within it, and all bad encompasses good within it. All includes all else, and for this reason this knowledge was dangerous. It all depends on the specific situation.

Don’t allow the idea of healthy living to become a completely unhealthy obsession caused by a chronic phobia of disease. When we obsess over fear we develop many irrational fears and we become paranoid. When we worry non-stop about what we need to do next, about how we will survive the next day, when we allow these things to stress us out, what we are doing is unconsciously affirming that we are at the mercy of this body and its ailments, that we are victims of our karma. Similarly, when waste our thoughts on dreadful thoughts of disease our minds become diseased. We are refusing divine protection by worrying about things which are out of our control. People love to bash faith nowadays as it is seen as unscientific. But faith is necessary, and the mystic knows this. Faith is what keeps on going when nothing seems to be going our way. Faith is what keeps devotees on their divine search, even while facing ridicule and sometimes violent persecution for being comfortable with questioning everything and stepping outside of the box. Don’t save up so much money that you can’t ever enjoy since you can’t stop working, you must pay your debts. Don’t let societal norms dictate the way you should conduct yourself. Don’t let other people manipulate you into doing things to serve their selfish purposes by making you feel guilty or responsible for their troubles. Don’t allow guilt or regret to help you back. Remember that, although the present is a representation of your past and future – your memories and dreams as well as future aspirations-

Don’t feel like you can’t tell people how you feel about a certain issue because you will be seen as a hypocrite. Sometimes we feel like, because we’ve acted in a certain way in the past, we’re not able to express any different sentiments or ideas because we are simply preaching what we don’t practice. This is not the case. Life’s obstacles and problems, even those created directly by us, all come our way so that we may learn a lesson. If we fail to learn the lesson then the problem will keep on showing up in different ways. Once we learn the lesson, yes, the point is to live it. But with all goals, sometimes we fail, and someone who is on a righteous path might make a mistake once in a while. Does this make this person more impure than those who make mistakes all the time without feeling any regret for it at all? Of course not. We should not live with a feeling that we cannot be honest about the values we hold just because we are doomed to be labeled as different than that. A murderer might repent after many years of introspection. Taking someone’s life might have seemed to be justified at the time when the crime was committed, but he might have come upon some common sense, perhaps during his time being locked up. Isn’t that supposed to be the whole point of locking people up?

Sometimes I feel that God isn’t real and neither is religion. I feel like God might be just an idea that people have created in order to feel better, and that the system has decided to promote in order to keep people enslaved. As someone who values freedom, it’s hard for me to accept God as a tyrant, as a person who dictates what we must and must not do, down to what we wear and how we cut our hair. Looking around though I have a strong feeling that there is a higher power than us. But could this feeling arise in so many of us because of a mass dissatisfaction with the current state of the world as it is? How do we find out whether the old religious stories told us by our parents and grandparents, be they from the Bible or any other ancient book, have any basis in fact? Is history true in the way we know it or could its teaching have been manipulated from centuries ago in order to favor the side telling it? I feel like God and religion would be the perfect tool for mass control. It prescribes ways to live and not to live, and it insists that if one does not follow certain laws then one is subject to eternal misery and pain. This alone is enough to fill a person with overwhelming fear.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 17.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 2

Now, as we discuss time as well as the timeless Now, let’s take a moment to discuss death. A conversation that I had with my grandparents yesterday brings death to my attention. Death hits us like a train when it comes, it crushes us when one of our loved ones disappears from our lives forever. What are we to do in the face of such horror? And the worst part of it is that, apart from never being able to see that person again, we don’t even know where they have gone. We all have our religious beliefs, and we might believe in heaven and hell or reincarnation or who knows what else, or we might simply believe that when life is over it’s just over for good. The undeniable fact is that none of us know for certain. Some claim they know, yet so many people claim so many things. We can’t ever trust them one hundred percent though. Why this depressing talk about death and the uncertainty of things anyway, do I really have to touch upon this? Well, why not? Death and life are inseparable. Life is impermanent. It is what we all choose to ignore. We would rather ignore that which makes us uncomfortable. And maybe I’m the wrong person to write this because most of my loved ones are still alive. Both parents, all three brothers, and my beautiful wife, as well as three grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles. I’m blessed since I’m not too familiar with death, I’ve only had a few friends that have passed away. What I have been familiar with for a long time is wasting time. Wasting time talking shit, wasting time getting wasted, getting high, wasting time chasing girls, wasting time partying, and wasting time unconsciously trying to kill my pain. Killing pain by killing time. What a stupid thing to do, to kill time. Who will want to kill time in their last moments? Although I’m only in my mid-twenties, I have wasted enough time wasting time to eventually begin to ponder the very nature of time. Time is something which is unique to this physical dimension. The spiritual plane is not bound by time and space, but the physical plane is. Therefore there must be a function to time while we are alive here. I think the role that time plays in our lives is that of a warning. Time is a constant warning that we need to seize the day; our bodies becoming wrinkled and our muscles feeling pain as we grow older are all warning signs that death is fast approaching, and that we need to live now, to be here now as Ram Dass put it, and to treat every moment of our lives as sacred, as a manifestation of the divine. What time is there to waste in a lifetime which is already too short as it is? At least it feels like it is. We only have so much time in this life, and we better make it count, because what we do is not meaningless. We only have the present moment. Every thought and every deed creates countless effects, only some of which we are aware, and everything is connected to everything else in the universe. What we do echoes in eternity, without a doubt. The Principle of Cause and Effect is one of the 7 Hermetic Principles and is also an important concept within the Kabbalah. It is also common sense, it is science. We cannot take a single breath without affecting our surroundings, both material and spiritual. We live in a world of duality, of cause and effect. We live in the yin and yang, we must connect with another human being of the opposite sex in order for a new life to come to this planet. Now that I found the wife that I love and that I’ve dedicated my life to I’ve come to personally experience the power of sex when intertwined with true love between two people, even without resulting in procreation. Before this, when I partied all the time and hooked up with any cute girl I could get into bed with me, all I ever knew was a reckless and meaningless search for pleasure on both parts, two people using each other to pass the time and escape the sadness, the loneliness, the dissatisfaction. Sex is used nowadays in much the same way as drugs, as alcohol, as partying too much, as causing trouble for no reason. Everyone knows this, and everyone feels the emptiness that stems from such a lifestyle, yet when there is minimal time for reflection between thrills, one can easily delude oneself often enough to keep the time going, to keep ignoring that inner intuition for just a little longer so that the party can continue. I’ve wasted enough time, and now I’m going to make every minute count. That’s exactly why I’m writing now. In this timeless inspiration which I feel to relate to you all the deepest thoughts that have been running ceaselessly through my mind for the last few days, months and even years, thoughts on life and death and God, I can’t be bothered by the past or the future. The now is all there is. The now is gone yet it instantly comes again. The now is here, endlessly living and dying and regenerating before it’s even done dying. After all, life and death are just two sides of the same coin. Life is no more than a moment, no more than now. The moment we are born is the second we begin the dying process. Later that night I had a life-changing trip which brought on a very mystical kind of awareness in which I could clearly see how I need to stop searching for some higher ideal which isn’t there for me to discover, and that instead I need to embrace and appreciate the inherent beauty which is to be found in my own life. We all have our own specific blessings, and they are given to us right at the perfect moment in our lives. We need to know when this happens so that we don’t rejects such gifts of Divine grace.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 3.

~ Rebel Spirit.

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 1.

May 13, 2019, 1:48 am. Sitting in my dimly lit room, finally starting to get some words down after just staring at my laptop for quite a while. I feel a sudden urge, an overwhelming inspiration to write. But to write about what? The issue isn’t really what to write about, but rather how to begin, or where to begin writing about it. How can I begin at any specific point in time when the message I try to convey is timeless, bubbling up from within me as an extremely powerful force which consists of all the wonders of the past and all the greatness that will ever come of the future? It is not only mine however; this force is impersonal, and it is within us all. It is the source of all creativity and progress. If I can’t accurately write about this timeless spiritual dimension which lies beyond and yet within all of us then what else is there to write about? Nothing else compares, so this is what I must write about first of all. Now, if the topic is so wonderful then why haven’t I seriously sat down to write about it before today? Why haven’t I used all this overwhelming inspiration to write every single day? Why did I stop writing only 8 days into my initial goal of writing a thousand words every day? The answer is resistance. There are various reasons really, but they all amount up to resistance. Joseph Campbell stated that “the psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.” I really feel I need to start being more of the latter than the former, as I often feel I’m going crazy from seeing so much confusion, if not in my own life and mind then in those of others. Due to all this confusion I’ve been letting resistance get the best of me for far too long. That’s no excuse, just the unfortunate truth of the matter. Humanity as a whole needs to be actively working to transmute all of life’s chaos into art, into creativity, but by doing nothing instead, or by panicking in the face of pressure and running away into the arms of comfortable pleasures that later turn into vices, we become paralyzed. Resistance becomes the ruler of our lives. I’ve begun to drown in the waters of life, questioning everything and reaching no absolute conclusions, becoming completely paralyzed by uncertainty. But the truth is no one needs an absolute conclusion, an absolute knowledge of life, in order to get started on any creative venture. I just finished reading Steven Pressfield’s ‘The War of Art’ last week, and it honestly couldn’t have found me at a better time in my life. Pressfield says in the book that from the age of 25 to 32 resistance kicked his ass all up and down the block and yet he did not realize it until after all those years had passed. Resistance is tricky as hell, and subtle too. I’m about to be 25 on November 25th of this year, and I seriously have been feeling like I need to get started, like I really can’t afford to stall this any longer. I’ve known that resistance is fucking me up and that I simply have to beat it since before I even read Pressfield’s book and could clearly recognize my problem as resistance. It was just an unnamed, negative force before then, yet I knew it was there. I need to move forward now and make a change. I don’t feel any regrets when it comes to my past, as everything is a lesson to learn from, yet I do have greater expectations for the future, and I need to change a lot of my old habits as well as develop a lot of new ones if I’m serious about creating such a reality. I shouldn’t mention the future though, since the future never really exists. I feel like the present is constantly being ripped away from us by the pressure of remaining alive and significant in a future fantasy in our minds. Even though I am aware of this, I’ve often felt like I can’t escape it no matter how hard I try. It is in our genes to try to survive, and to feel as if our survival is more important that of others. The truth is it isn’t. We aren’t in any way more special than anyone else, and people are born and die every day. Do we cry, do we mourn for all these people? We all understand that we are all equal in God’s eyes, yet we would die only protecting our own lives and the lives of our immediate families, but never for the lives of strangers. We clearly favor ourselves, and maybe there’s nothing wrong with this. But sometimes we need to sacrifice ourselves for the greater good of all, for our own greater good even, as we are not separate from all our earthly brothers and sisters, though it might seem that we are. I have always understood this, seeing a clear example of this in Jesus, who I was taught about very early on life, yet I have never actually put it into practice. What I’ve been doing for so long is simply surviving, wasting the days away in fear that things could go wrong if I try, doubting myself until the last bit of motivation is murdered within me, or even in fear that I might succeed, and that my life might be completely changed to the point where I can no longer handle it. Instead of living serenely in the present and trusting in life or God to take its due course, I’ve been living in a world of future possibilities, in a fantasy world. I’ve taken the comfortable route and decided to work 9-to-5 jobs one after another without putting any actual effort into my real calling, my writing, my music, my creativity in general. I’ve been focusing only on what works best for me at any given moment, passing time and ignoring what is meant to be my true contribution to humanity, the passion I hold within me and the talent that I’ve been blessed with. I haven’t been willing to sacrifice the petty pleasures and habits that hold me back. None of us have anything to offer the world other than ourselves, who we truly are. I haven’t always been true to my authentic self, but as of today, that fake me is dead, and the true me begins to rise from the ashes like the legendary phoenix. I see now that there is no time to waste, and that I need to put in some serious work in order to achieve my dreams. Time is ticking.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 2.

~ Rebel Spirit.