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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 56: Watch What You Say.

I hear people talk about so many useless and random things. I don’t criticize them on the spot, or behind their back to anyone, since I remember the days when I also used to speak just for the sake of speaking, just to be seen, just to be heard and acknowledged. I always had to make my opinion known, I always tried to have people see me in a certain light or think of me in some specific way, and so the things I said were just calls for attention, even when I myself didn’t see that at the time. I had to make my life into what I thought it should be, I had to make people know me, know who I am, what my beliefs were, how the system was wrong and I was right, and how my way of life was the only correct way to live life: recklessly, without a care in the world or a thought for the future. As I matured over the past few years, after living through the consequences of some of the bad decisions from my past, I’ve really stopped talking so much. I’d say I don’t even speak half as much as I used to. I try to practice discernment with all thoughts that come up in my mind, at least whenever I remember to do so, and I find that many of the things which I’m about to say can and should be discarded before they are even expressed. Nowadays I try not to talk so much, as I would much rather attempt to understand the things I observe, the things I see and hear, to relate them to my own experiences as well as what I’ve learned and continue learning. Most of the time we say things which we don’t know for sure, we make assumptions about others due to our limited knowledge of the situation they are facing, or of the life they have lived as a whole, or we offend others by only advising them from our own point of view, without ever taking a moment to place ourselves in their shoes. I try to give advice to my friends when they need it, though I don’t try to seem like I know everything, and I don’t go around telling people what they are doing wrong in their life, especially without providing any alternative to their current actions. All of us are struggling in this life, all of us are confused to a certain extent, all trying to do the best we can to stay sane and to survive, and maybe to transform our lives into great achievements, to make our dreams come true. This only seems to matter when it applies to ourselves though, but we are quick to kill the dreams of others, whether they are our friends or enemies, even if we think that words are pretty much harmless. Words are extremely powerful, and I’ve written on that subject before. So many of us are happy to see our friends remain where they are, never advancing or moving forwards, since they make us feel comfortable about who we are and where we’re at in life, so we only talk with them about trivial things, we never try to suggest any positive change or challenge, since the friendship might change for the worse or end if one of us gets higher up the ladder than the other. This is the way too many of us see things, yet the sentiment is often unconscious. We believe we want what’s best for our friends, yet we have no problem with letting them kill themselves with alcohol or cigarettes or drugs, so long as we are not the only ones doing it. We shouldn’t refrain from giving advice to those we care about, as it can be precisely what they need in order to move ahead and face whatever obstacle they may currently be facing, but we should always advise them in a humble manner. We always must keep in mind that we could have slipped just as easily as them, since we live in a world full of temptation and desire, our will is constantly being weakened, our minds attacked. We should never think of ourselves as higher than anyone else, as superior to anyone, just because they have done something which we consider horrible, which we believe we would never do ourselves. We don’t know what things can come to, we don’t know what everyone’s been through, and we don’t know why everyone does what they do. We can’t be the judges of humanity, we can only live our own lives. Only we have our own memories, our own aspirations, only we have our own ideas, our own I know that I know more about some things than others, though I don’t consider myself an expert in any specific subject, so I don’t pretend to be. Even so-called experts on any subject could benefit from thinking a bit less of themselves, leaving the arrogance behind, and admitting that there are many things, even about their special subject which they don’t fully understand. We learn during every day that we are alive, but it is our choice to learn the hard way, by arrogantly trying to mold life to our convenience, or to learn the easy way, by maintaining the attitude of a humble observer in this world. No matter how important we may think we are, whether we are the owner of the biggest organization on the planet, whether we are the most famous rock star or actor, whatever kind of celebrity, we all need to be humble enough to see ourselves as something else, something which we all have in common These days no one will take you seriously unless you’ve been to college or university, but I don’t think it’s necessary to Often times I’m too caught up in thought to say anything, I’m starting to let life happen more, without complaining, or without attempting to change the direction of things. I don’t know where I’m going with this, to be honest, but I have enough words and it’s time for me to meditate now, so off I go into a wordless space.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 57.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 31: Writing Meditation Attempt.

I sit at home tonight, trying to get a thousand words together for my blog. Maria’s talking on the phone with her friend, I’m still a bit sick, but she’s been taking care of me. Today was her day off from work, so at least we had all morning together before I had to leave to the call center in the afternoon. She got a lot of clothes washed while I was at work, and when I got back from work I let her know how much I appreciate everything she does for us, since everything is done with love. On the 15th of July we’ll be celebrating two years of marriage together. We moved into this little place right when we got married, a small, separate house on my grandparents’ property. We have some photos of our wedding on the tables, some 3D stickers both us have collected are on the walls, and in the room mainly we have some inspirational quotes, spiritual and philosophical, from Jung to Jesus to Buddh, from the Bible to the Bhagavad Gita and James Allen’s ‘As A Man Thinketh.’ Motivation is something I can’t be without, and these quotes provide just that for me. I just look at a random one and read it sometimes when I’m in our room. I’m sitting on my bed right now, the table is right by the bed. This table was previously used as a counter at my grandparent’s pharmacy which they owned many years ago, I believe, so it has some pharmaceutical stickers still on it. I got the tray with my own medicine on top of the counter, or table I’m breaking down some bud and I’m at peace while I chill in my room. Maria talks, I write. I appreciate the silence, and I speak with myself in a way, just as everyone speaks to themselves all the time. What’s the difference between a writer and an ordinary person though? They are both ordinary human beings, but why does one decide to write? Is it because one has something to say? Often we don’t even know what to say, yet we know there is something we want to say. Are we just egocentric, that we wish to communicate, as if we had something to say, when there’s actually nothing worth speaking? I don’t think this last option is the right one, I believe we all have something important to say to everyone we meet. These interactions don’t happen sometimes, these possibly healing experiences, these connections between people, because we are closed off from people, by our judgments and insecurities. Anyway, I’m just drifting off on a thought train again. What I was previously trying to do was just describe the moment I’m in, this writing experience. Stoned, comfortable, finally feeling alright since I took an acetaminophen pill and took some bong hits about an hour ago. Speaking of connections that simply happen, and of things that just need to be said, I’m glad for the connection that led to our marriage. Maria and I were watching the Morgan Freeman documentary on Netflix a few hours ago, ‘The Story of God’. He doesn’t go too deep into most religions, at least so far into the show, two episodes in. However, he does a great job of showing the basics of most religions and shows us some spectacular scenery from sacred sites around the world. If he did get into too much detail with each belief system there just might not have been much of an audience, I guess. It’s interesting though, and I think that anything that provides us with further understanding of other cultures and their practices is a great tool, a tool to fight the ignorance and fear that arises when we don’t respect, or when we fear and hate, other people’s customs and beliefs. Nothing is all black or white in this dual existence, everything has a lot of dimensions to it. Most of us are ignorant of our own culture, so what about those of other people around the world? We’ve got to escape our personal bubbles of arrogance, of attachment to our own ideas and aversion towards those of others. We lose nothing if it turns out we were wrong, we only grow in understanding. There is nothing to fear from learning about the ways other people do things. We shouldn’t pretend to be sure about things we don’t know, only to close ourselves off from all ways of ever finding an answer. We believe we know, yet we know nothing for certain. Society’s backwards, our bodies are all out of shape, infested with disease. No ease can be found in the way we do things, we do all things the hard way, including learning. We are never at ease, so our faces grow wrinkled, a face of anger permanently portrayed on us. We think this is all there is, suffering and then death. We can’t see the big picture, we think we are strong, we think we run the world, we think we’re reaching the top of the pyramid. In reality we’re weak, we’re afraid of sacrifice and afraid of pain, we’re afraid of facing our demons, so we’d rather unleash them on those around us. We don’t want to change, we want to allow our lower nature to drag us right down to hell. We’ve got to get out of our heads, we’ve got to say what needs to be said, we need to make the correct connections, guided by our intuition. You know what I’m talking about, you know what the right thing is. Stop fucking around and do it, stop making excuses and do it! I don’t know if there’s an overall point to tonight’s piece, since I tried to make it a meditation by describing the things that surround me, the set of what’s going on, yet I always drifted away into thoughts and ideas. I’m at the end so I hope I knew what to say, and I hope it perhaps can inspire someone, as so many great passages have inspired, and continue to inspire, me. 

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 32.

~ Rebel Spirit