Featured

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 56: Watch What You Say.

I hear people talk about so many useless and random things. I don’t criticize them on the spot, or behind their back to anyone, since I remember the days when I also used to speak just for the sake of speaking, just to be seen, just to be heard and acknowledged. I always had to make my opinion known, I always tried to have people see me in a certain light or think of me in some specific way, and so the things I said were just calls for attention, even when I myself didn’t see that at the time. I had to make my life into what I thought it should be, I had to make people know me, know who I am, what my beliefs were, how the system was wrong and I was right, and how my way of life was the only correct way to live life: recklessly, without a care in the world or a thought for the future. As I matured over the past few years, after living through the consequences of some of the bad decisions from my past, I’ve really stopped talking so much. I’d say I don’t even speak half as much as I used to. I try to practice discernment with all thoughts that come up in my mind, at least whenever I remember to do so, and I find that many of the things which I’m about to say can and should be discarded before they are even expressed. Nowadays I try not to talk so much, as I would much rather attempt to understand the things I observe, the things I see and hear, to relate them to my own experiences as well as what I’ve learned and continue learning. Most of the time we say things which we don’t know for sure, we make assumptions about others due to our limited knowledge of the situation they are facing, or of the life they have lived as a whole, or we offend others by only advising them from our own point of view, without ever taking a moment to place ourselves in their shoes. I try to give advice to my friends when they need it, though I don’t try to seem like I know everything, and I don’t go around telling people what they are doing wrong in their life, especially without providing any alternative to their current actions. All of us are struggling in this life, all of us are confused to a certain extent, all trying to do the best we can to stay sane and to survive, and maybe to transform our lives into great achievements, to make our dreams come true. This only seems to matter when it applies to ourselves though, but we are quick to kill the dreams of others, whether they are our friends or enemies, even if we think that words are pretty much harmless. Words are extremely powerful, and I’ve written on that subject before. So many of us are happy to see our friends remain where they are, never advancing or moving forwards, since they make us feel comfortable about who we are and where we’re at in life, so we only talk with them about trivial things, we never try to suggest any positive change or challenge, since the friendship might change for the worse or end if one of us gets higher up the ladder than the other. This is the way too many of us see things, yet the sentiment is often unconscious. We believe we want what’s best for our friends, yet we have no problem with letting them kill themselves with alcohol or cigarettes or drugs, so long as we are not the only ones doing it. We shouldn’t refrain from giving advice to those we care about, as it can be precisely what they need in order to move ahead and face whatever obstacle they may currently be facing, but we should always advise them in a humble manner. We always must keep in mind that we could have slipped just as easily as them, since we live in a world full of temptation and desire, our will is constantly being weakened, our minds attacked. We should never think of ourselves as higher than anyone else, as superior to anyone, just because they have done something which we consider horrible, which we believe we would never do ourselves. We don’t know what things can come to, we don’t know what everyone’s been through, and we don’t know why everyone does what they do. We can’t be the judges of humanity, we can only live our own lives. Only we have our own memories, our own aspirations, only we have our own ideas, our own I know that I know more about some things than others, though I don’t consider myself an expert in any specific subject, so I don’t pretend to be. Even so-called experts on any subject could benefit from thinking a bit less of themselves, leaving the arrogance behind, and admitting that there are many things, even about their special subject which they don’t fully understand. We learn during every day that we are alive, but it is our choice to learn the hard way, by arrogantly trying to mold life to our convenience, or to learn the easy way, by maintaining the attitude of a humble observer in this world. No matter how important we may think we are, whether we are the owner of the biggest organization on the planet, whether we are the most famous rock star or actor, whatever kind of celebrity, we all need to be humble enough to see ourselves as something else, something which we all have in common These days no one will take you seriously unless you’ve been to college or university, but I don’t think it’s necessary to Often times I’m too caught up in thought to say anything, I’m starting to let life happen more, without complaining, or without attempting to change the direction of things. I don’t know where I’m going with this, to be honest, but I have enough words and it’s time for me to meditate now, so off I go into a wordless space.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 57.

~ Rebel Spirit

Featured

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 41: Don’t Take Family for Granted.

I went to my cousin’s high school graduation today. They put up a video of some childhood photos for each of the kids who were graduating. It was great seeing him happy, enjoying his graduation ceremony along with friends. I don’t remember my own graduation ceremony, since I never went. I wasn’t invited, since I got kicked out of school, and finished my high school education online. Thankfully that was an option, and it ended up being for the best anyway, since I graduated even earlier than my classmates who didn’t get expelled. Putting my own past aside though, my cousin’s ceremony really brought up a good feeling within me, a feeling of true bonding between families, of children making their parents happy, of how great it is when a child actually wants to follow the path their parents hope they will follow. I could never relate to these things, although in a way I still wish I could. I’ve always wanted to do my own thing, and it didn’t always end up with in the greatest of situations. I do know the joy that comes from a family spending time together and simply getting along though, a feeling of unconditional love and support. We often spend a lifetime searching for this in other people, searching for the group of people with whom we’ll feel comfortable, who we can be ourselves with. It turns into a crazy kind of desperation for us, even for many people who already have this love available in their family, yet have always taken it for granted. Sometimes, we feel ashamed to be ourselves with our families, since we come to feel guilty for taking, taking, taking so much without giving back even half as much. We feel as though we’ve got to pay them back for all the wonderful things they’ve done for us. Someone who is an amazing example for us of how to live life is now avoided because they we feel a deep sense of shame when we’re around them, we know that they have been there for us through the worst of times, and that they truly know us. We shouldn’t feel any shame regarding this however, our families are the few people who we can truly be vulnerable with. We can’t always trust everyone we meet, we can’t share our feelings with every person we find on the street, yet most of us are provided with people who unconditionally love and support us right from the get-go, from the moment that first breath is taken, and even before then. Yes, it’s true that sometimes parents can be a bit too controlling, but unless there is something really serious going on, physical or emotional or unspeakable kind of abuse, unless this is the case then a person has no excuse to completely disregard a parent who only wants what’s the best for them. This doesn’t mean that their advice, or their opinions, should be our own, and that they should be followed without fault even after we reach adulthood. It means, however, that we should carefully consider their ideas, sometimes people who have known us for a long time might see things about ourselves that we can’t see, being so caught up in our own personal drama, unable to look at things from a different perspective than our own. This is exactly what was going on with my parents and I during my high school years. I loved them so much, I still do and always will, and I couldn’t bear to let them know that I was completely disregarding their advice, that I was doing things, consciously doing things, which to them were completely outrageous, things that no one in their right mind would do. Looking back on some of those things, I see that in some ways they were right. In some they were wrong, and some of those habits I still have today, but a lot of times they were right. I couldn’t see they were right though, I was too blind to see what was going on in my own stupid lifestyle, so I ignored what they said, I ignored their pain and suffering because the pleasure of the trance I was caught up in was too heavy, it was too euphoric to escape from, no matter how wrong I knew I was. I think of them quietly sitting at home, suffering for my actions, the actions of an ungrateful, rebellious teenager who just couldn’t stop getting into senseless troubles. I think of my mother’s tears, of my father’s temper towards everyone at home, stressed about my situation. Ignorance is bliss, and I wasn’t there with them, suffering with them, as we are supposed to do with our family members. Instead, I was the very reason for their suffering, and I was laughing all along, laughing harder and harder to make sure I wouldn’t cry. But sometimes I would trip, and I would eventually cry. I would think back of times, such as today’s graduation, times in my own life when I saw my mother smile, proud of her firstborn son, when I heard my father cheer me on as a child. I thought back on times of severe stress, of fighting and fussing and yelling at home, of sadness and silence, of rainy days, tormented by the consequences of my own actions, the suffering doubled by the fact that I had spread it throughout my household, that I was the cause of so much pain. If only the pain was all my own, then I could deal with the consequences on my own. If only I could leave, then I would be the only one responsible, the only one held accountable, but the only one suffering, the only one enjoying and suffering. That would be just fine by me. I couldn’t wait to leave from my parents’ home and party every night and suffer every morning, alone, without thinking about reality. Such is the state of many young people, for me it’s taken a few years to even begin escaping from that state of mind, but I’m making progress. We all need help sometimes, and I know it’s tempting to behave as if we’re all along, us against the world, and that we’ll make it on our own, that we’ll show them. Keep cool though, put your pride to the side, and appreciate those who love you, even if they disagree with you, even if they annoy you. Try your best to understand them, to truly listen, especially to your family. Give them a chance, build a stronger bond, family is meant to help each other. Don’t take them for granted and always do your best to keep the peace with them.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 42.

~ Rebel Spirit