1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 70: The Mysteries of Life and Writing.

70 days into this writing goal, every day writing a thousand words and posting them on here. I’m not sure of what my purpose for this goal actually is, but I’m glad it’s become a daily habit to write. I wish I enjoyed it more though, since sometimes it seems like just one more goal I have to complete before midnight. I think what might be missing still is organization. I have to find a way to organize my ideas, and to plan certain days to write about certain ideas. So far I’ve just been randomly writing every day, going off whatever comes to mind when I sit down to write. I have a feeling that, maybe if I just write enough, maybe if I write consistently, every day, eventually I might create a masterpiece, something which people might read and really feel inspired. I feel so much significance in life, things connect in my head and I am in awe at the way in which life interacts with life. Over the past few years it’s become really overwhelming, so I’ve started to try to get things written down, but for some reason so many things which I want to express are hard to get into words. I guess it’s expected when one is constantly learning about spirituality and philosophy, but I hope I can start to get my ideas across a bit clearer soon. The most important idea that I want to get across to people is that, even if we don’t know the answers to all of life’s mysteries, even if we feel that life is meaningless at times, or worse, that it’s evil and cruel, we are only a part of life, each one of us, so we are in no position to decipher what everything in life means. Do you consider yourself evil? No? What about perfect and good in every way? That’s not you either right? We are all making up life, life includes us, so we can’t separate ourselves from it in order to ever examine it properly. Life is what happens to us every day, but life is also everything that happens without us, far away from us, every single day. Since we are not God, and we are not the creators of life, we must assume a position of humility. Too many of us associate humility with weakness, with being soft and allowing others to walk all over us. Humility is an attitude towards life. Someone who is humble has no need to justify his or her belief or to have others believe it. We can all use our sense of discernment to find what works best for us in our lives, what is right and what is wrong conduct, but humility means that we shouldn’t attempt to force others to live as we do. We can offer wise advice when we see our friends and family struggling, but we must understand that we are all free to live the life we have been blessed with. The reason I want to get this message across through my writing is because, once we understand this, that we are interconnected with life and that it is much deeper than it often seems, then we will be more likely to try to come to a fuller understanding of it. The person who, in his or her arrogance, thinks that his belief system is all there is to know, and that he has figured it all out, that life can be fully explained by any one religion or philosophy, has closed himself off from ever reaching higher truth. Humility is the first step towards properly living life. Once we assume a humble attitude towards life, then we are free to live, to interact, to understand. This is why I write, because, even though I do not have all the answers to life, at least I accept and understand that. I can write without pretending to have it all figured out, as a real person with real thoughts, trying to live a real life. I don’t know what will happen with my writing. I don’t know who will read it, or why, or what thoughts will pop into each reader’s mind as they read this, but I write because I know that life is made of connections, and that we must do what we have to do, even as we face uncertainty. Should I stop writing because I don’t know what will ultimately come of it, or even why I’m doing it at times? Of course not. We have to keep on moving in the face of uncertainty, and we have to keep on learning, on wondering, on connecting the dots of life, even if we are facing adversity, even if it seems like it isn’t worth moving on. Life is mysterious, and knowing that, really feeling that mysterious quality of life within myself, all the unknown potential which lies within every human being, has really sparked a flame in me, to read, to write, to share information so that whoever may read it may be inspired in some positive way. I started out this post with no idea of what I would write, and I even started writing my own answers to my own question down. Why don’t I enjoy writing more? I answered that I had to have more organization. However, once I got to writing I had more and more ideas, and now I’m not sure how I even ended up on this sentence, writing about what I’m currently writing about, about how life is so wonderful and mysterious. The point is that it just happened somehow, that something real which was on my mind was successfully transmitted into words for you all, and that now there’s no going back, all because I decided to just give it a go. Things are bound to happen in life, no matter what, and if we try to live with humility, we can try to understand and learn more about the things that happen in life and why, and we can learn to use those things in order to have better things happen in the future. Everything’s a mystery, so we might as well try and figure it out. we never know where life will take us, but it is sure to take us somewhere. Stop pretending to know everything, stop pretending that you know where you’re going. Be humble, seek help from those who know, and try to learn and understand, and then to put into practice.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 71.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 69: Persevere Through Life’s Hardships.

Times are always hard for many people around the globe. If things are going well for one person, someone else’s world appears to be crumbling down. We all can be sure that, if we are not struggling now, we will have to struggle at some point in the future. We will be afflicted by numerous struggles throughout our lives, but we mustn’t allow our anxiety to take control. We have to stand firm and face the reality we find ourselves in, even when suffering seems totally meaningless, existence nothing more than a cruel cosmic joke we find ourselves trapped in. We wish that the existential enemy we face would just vanish in a second like a cloud of smoke floating away with the breeze, when we need to accept it instead, to witness it without fear, with a calm and collected mind, and to dive deep into it in order to understand it. We have to learn not only to live with uncertainty, but to love it, to thrive in the face of adversity, prepared to stand firm before any possibilities, to have the attitude and the strength which are essential in order to overcome any obstacles in our way. As we sit and worry about the future or cry about the past, we waste precious time, we complain instead of finding a way to change, to make a change in the areas of our life which need changing. We sit around, miserable, consuming carcinogenic chemicals, smoking and drinking, doing hard drugs, disease and death slowly entering our system, then we blame the world, or God, for all sorts of illnesses. We’re slowly committing suicide to show those who don’t care to listen to our problems just how angry we are, we seek attention but we never ask for help, yet we can’t stand still without attempting to annihilate ourselves in some slow way. Life seems unfair to us, and we begin to drown in our own distorted mentality, our thoughts become the voice of anxiety, constantly haunting us, even in our sleep, in dreams. We have to stay busy since we’ve created a constant cloud of stress in our minds, so we can’t be at rest even when we lie in bed at the end of the day. We can’t sit in silence, no matter what we do, we can’t find peace since the noise is all inside our heads, it follows us around everywhere we go. We are only harming ourselves in the end, not the society we try to pin the blame on. No one is responsible for your life, no one can steer it in the right direction or make the changes you need to make for yourself. You whine that life is too hard, that the system is corrupt, that you were born into poverty or dealt a shit hand from the beginning. These are all excuses, your life is no harder than it’s meant to be. If you are facing some problem then it’s because you have the power within yourself to persevere and to push through that problem.  Anger and discontent with life have us unconsciously seeking to take revenge on society, yet succeeding at harming no one more than ourselves. Why worry about death if we feel we’re already in hell? But we fail to see the blessing, the option to learn a lesson from everything we experience. In the pessimist’s eyes, everything is void, empty with no meaning, but that’s exactly why you must give meaning to your own life, by taking responsibility for it. The ultimate meaning of life? Don’t waste the days away wondering about absolute truth, the truth is in every task you haven’t completed, or in every rhyme you haven’t laid down in the booth, if I’m speaking to myself, in every thought I haven’t gotten down on this page just yet. Do what needs to be done, and stop wishing for another task. If you want a better future, you should have lived a different past. But alas, nothing lasts. Is it too painful to bear? Or is this the greatest, most liberating truth that we could ever share? Everything is nothing, nothing is all. Goodness is all that exists, the image of God is the human blueprint. God dwells in the temple, all we need to do is enter the holy vessel we’ve been blessed with from birth. We shouldn’t ignore it, or neglect it, we should value it for what it’ worth. Look at the truth in front of your eyes! Love your wife, hug your mother, bless your brother, be there for one another, respect and learn from your father. Even if they’re not the best of parents, we all can learn a lesson from the family we enter the world into. A lot of us are born into first hand experience of why we shouldn’t do some of the horrible things we shouldn’t do. Why do you suffer and not I? Why do I suffer and not you now? It is irrelevant, since we are all bound to suffer during this human lifetime. We are all one, we are all laughing in the now, just as we are all crying in agony. Everything present, we are being born and dying. Nothing lasts forever, except the One Spirit which returns to the source. Call it what you like, but it’s attributes are love and wisdom. Seek affinity with this higher power and you cannot be led astray. Do what you know to be right, and cherish every single day, live it to the fullest. Because nothing lasts forever, seasons change with the weather. Life stages, each is a flip through our lifetime’s pages. We grow old and get sick and wonder what age is. But don’t be dragged down with your body, remain grounded, courage is contagious. Face the pain, face the tragedy with all the strength within you, and it just might become a comedy. Trust in the highest power within you, yet be humble and have faith, and the pain will pass. Pleasure passes, pain passes, but what is eternal, everlasting within each of us, will endure forever.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 68: Be Thankful for Life.

Remember to be thankful for all the blessings in your life. I just want to take this day to get some personal thanks down, a lot of things I’m thankful for, things I couldn’t do without. I’m thankful because I’m blessed, as we all are, I’m thankful that my life hasn’t been too rough, although I’m also thankful for the problems I’ve faced and for the lessons I’ve learned from them, both the easy and the hard way. I’m thankful for my family and few real friends who have always supported me through those problems, and I’m thankful for having had the inner strength to endure past trials and tribulations. I’m thankful that I have my health, I hope it can stay this way, and although sickness and disease scare the hell out of me, I hope I can remain grateful for life even if something should ever happen. I’m thankful that most of my family are healthy, for the most part, and I’m thankful because I have so many honest and real people in my family who I can look up to. I sometimes wish that I could live like they do, that I could be as correct as them in every aspect of life, but then I remember that I’m thankful for being myself, exactly as I am. I’m thankful for my mother and my father, two amazing people who raised my two brothers with unconditional love and much more. I’m thankful that I still have them by my side, and that I always will. I couldn’t be happier about the way our relationship is progressing, so I’m thankful that those old stressful days are behind us now, and that we can move on as a family. I’m thankful for life in general, for the diversity and the difference, for the depth and the significance of seemingly random events, I’m thankful for my wonderful wife and for the pure love we’ve come to share together. I’m thankful for every day we spend together at our little house here in Honduras. I’m thankful for my grandparents who are letting us stay at their property, I thank God for my family’s generosity and their unconditional love and support, their wise advice. I’m thankful for my gift of writing, of creating music, of rapping. I’m thankful for my body, I know that it’s my responsibility to take care of it, to use it in the right ways and as a tool to achieve the right purposes. I’m thankful for whatever amount of discernment I possess, and I’m so thankful for the little bit of self-control I’ve begun to have recently after much work, failure and trying again, after setting numerous goals, rearranging days, planning weeks out, letting go of things I think I need. I’m thankful for consciousness, for simply being alive, for my legs and feet, for being able to walk slowly down the street, enjoying a song on my headphones on a sunny day. I thank God for creation, for nature, for the sun and the moon, for the planets and the stars and the sky above. I’m thankful for the ocean, for the seas, for the sand, the beach, the dirt, air we all breathe. I’m thankful for every obstacle in my way, since it presents an opportunity to grow. I’m thankful for every single thing I’ve gone through, for every memory, for every random event as well as everything I ever chose to do, I’m thankful for it all, since it’s all made me who I am. I’m thankful for being me, but I’m also thankful that you are you, that he is he and that she is she. I’m glad that we’re all here, that we can read, we can write, we can learn and philosophize. I’m thankful that I can wake up in the morning and enjoy a tasty breakfast, that I can plan my day with optimism. I’m thankful for the cool breeze, I’m thankful for the rain for the plants need it and we need the plants. I’m thankful for the innocence of newborn babies, for animals and their variations. I thank God for the mystery of life, and for all there is to figure out. I’m thankful that I’m not God, or some all-powerful being, that I do not hold the responsibility of the whole world or universe on my shoulders. I humble myself and I am thankful for it, since I know I am an instrument in life, although I have free will. How can we understand this? We cannot possibly comprehend such a concept with earthly understanding, and I am thankful for it. I love life as it is, I am thankful because I’m still me. Should I cry and complain all the time because I haven’t reach a completely selfless, or impersonal state? Should I practice all sorts of severe austerities, should i neglect my body and starve myself to death, should I despise all that is in this physical realm? I am thankful for my life on this planet, no matter what its ultimate meaning may be, I am thankful that I have the opportunity to live this life. We all have the power to create the lives we wish to live. We are all born in different circumstances, and for some it may prove more difficult than for others to reach their dreams, but perhaps the hardships were just what we needed in order to grow into the people we needed to be so that we could succeed at that new stage of life we are sure to enter into once we do realize our greatest dreams. Accept the reality and the unpredictability of life, be thankful for it. Would you be interested in watching a movie if there are no problems, nothing to resolve? What if you already knew everything that would happen also? Life is unpredictable because we have a say in what happens, and if we want to live in freedom then we have to assume responsibility for our actions, and we have to be willing to pay the consequences. Be thankful for the life that even allows you the opportunity to live and to choose otherwise, to be thankful or the hate life.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 69.

~ Rebel Spirit 

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 67: We All Breathe the Same Air.

Another day of living, taking and giving. We take with every inhale, we give back with every exhale. There is no escaping this until we stop breathing and leave this earth. We all breathe the same air while we’re here so we are all brothers and sisters, and we must start to live by this truth rather than just talk or debate about it. Philosophizing is great, and it is in fact necessary, but if every truth of life is reduced to just an idea, which can either be accepted or discarded, then we have to wonder about the utility of our philosophy. The truth that we are all connected is evident to all of us, it is not a great hidden mystery. It is a truth that we can’t just talk about, we must feel it, we must understand it, we must put it into practice at all times. Whenever a new possibility arises, or any new situation, we are quick to look for whatever we can gain from it. Too often however, we completely overlook another even more important aspect of it, which is what we can give, what we can contribute to any given situation or project. Life itself, the world, society, these are the biggest projects we have going on on this planet, and if we were born here, if we find ourselves alive right now, it’s because we have something to contribute to them. Whether you believe in God or not, if you believe that life has any meaning at all, any deep significance, then there must be a meaning for you being born in the family you were born in, in the city and the country you were born in. Regardless of what your religion might teach, regardless of the metaphysical implications of your belief about life, we all find ourselves alive, in this life, in this crazy world, not really knowing why. We are all trying to live our lives as best as we can, all trying to make sense of the events which happen all around us every day, to integrate them into our lives, to learn what we can so that we may live life better every day. Life is about falling down and getting back up time and time again, it’s about failing, learning from our failures, and then moving forward with our new knowledge, trying to do better tomorrow. None of us have it all figured out, but a lot of us love pretending that we do. We love acting as if we have all the answers, since this makes us feel somewhat secure of our position in life. We look down at others who don’t have it all figured out like we firmly believe we do, and we stop associating with people since we don’t want to be dragged down to their level, or we don’t think they have anything to contribute to our lives. When we do this, we stop ask for help when we need it, and we don’t try to help others either, we never consider the possibility that anyone else might have any way to help us with anything. We isolate ourselves in a comfortable bubble, we focus all our time on trying to improve our own lives, and we ignore all the ways in which we could help all those around us. The problem with this is that we can never truly progress if we neglect the social aspect of our nature. We are all social creatures, we were all born with the capacity to interact because we are meant to interact, we are meant to build together, we are meant to help each other up when we fall. Things work much better this way. It is something that has been proven time and time again, something that we all know, yet we continue trying to live our lives on our own terms, never listening to any advice, never stepping out of our comfort zone to help anyone in need. When enough people start living like this, others begin to sense it. People feel vulnerable, like they can’t trust their neighbors, they can’t trust the teachers, the cops, the politicians, the police. But who are these politicians and police? Who are the criminals and the terrorists? They are people like us, breathing, living people. So, as we start to feel suspicious about our government and also about the criminals, about the terrorists as well as the police, then we are really starting not to trust humanity as a whole. We all try to get ahead, and in our desperation to get ahead, we are quick to step on others to get what we want. We worry only for ourselves, and it is easy for us to ignore the pain we have caused others as long as we can enjoy the benefits we got from it ourselves. We never take into consideration that, with every dishonest act, with everything we do to harm others and benefit ourselves, we help create an atmosphere of hostility, of distrust, an environment in which no one can rely on anyone else. Since more and more people start feeling this way, they also start acting out of desperation and fear, they start to “understand” that the world is a wicked place, that people only look out for themselves, no matter where we go, and that if we want to survive, we will have to do the same. So many of us have adopted this attitude, and because of that it’s almost impossible to fully trust anyone these days. This is really a sad state of affairs, since our whole society runs on trust, and the more we feel that we are isolated from everyone else, the more we feel that we don’t need anyone else to live life, that we don’t need to connect with anyone else, the more we will contribute to the downfall of civilization by helping to sever the connections between human beings. Before you do anything, before you start any new project, take a moment to remember that life is not only about taking, but also about giving. Think of what you can do to make a difference in someone’s life, even if it’s a small, positive difference. We all have to start somewhere, and maybe we can reverse some of the damage that has already been done.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 68.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 66: Life Is A Learning Process.

Life is a constant learning process. The ups and downs, trials and tribulations, the highs and lows that make up our lives, they can all be looked at and appreciated, if we can achieve such a state of mind, as the necessary pieces of the puzzle which makes us who we are. Life is about putting all the pieces together, about connecting all the dots in the right order, in order to see the bigger picture eventually. Life is really about trial and error, although we can learn beforehand about the things we consciously choose to become involved in. Some things just happen though, or at least we have no clue why they’re happening. Sometimes we have no way to prepare for such a situation, and in these cases learning happens on the spot. We have no choice but to learn. In reality, we learn from everything we experience, consciously and subconsciously, we are always learning, always changing into something new. We are never the same person, every passing second changes us in a profound way, even if we don’t experience the change in progress. Small changes that take a second give way to big changes that happen throughout a lifetime. Pain comes and passes, we curse and we cry, joy comes and we rejoice, but we cry when it leaves. We are relieved when the pain passes, and we appreciate life a little more, but for how long? Is it only a temporary feeling? Too often this is the case. We often overlook all the blessings in our lives by being too caught up in complaining. By focusing on the negative aspect of everything, we fail to be thankful for, or to even acknowledge, all the wonderful things in our lives, and we also fail to see how any positive result could come from the things that seem like total tragedies to us. The biggest problems in our lives are the ones that we could learn the most from, but too many of us are too afraid to do this, and we are also too afraid to even acknowledge our own cowardice. If we could dive deep into our despair, if we could stare sorrow in the face and smile at it, if we could master our emotions and all the thoughts that run daily through our minds, we could probably do a lot more learning, and a lot less complaining than we currently do. We could dig for gold in our problems if only we changed our attitude. We could trace the cause of every problem we face, and we would see that it starts with us, and that a change must therefore start with us as well, with nobody else. If we refuse to learn, if we run from distraction to distraction, hoping to avoid looking at the truth of our lives, we still will not be able to avoid learning completely. We can choose not to learn now, by discernment, but we will surely learn our lesson later, only we will have to learn it the hard way, probably not under very pleasurable circumstances. Life has a way of catching up to us, and there’s no escape from fate. We have free will to create our lives, but if we act out of ignorance, if we don’t know what knowledge even means, then are we really making conscious decisions, are we really free men and women? We talk way too much, and we all think we have the answer, we are all self-righteous in some way, and I’m not excluding myself. We all have to fight a constant battle, one that’s even more important, more intense, than any battle against external forces. We are all facing an inner battle against demonic forces, evils such as lust, greed, hate, jealousy, ambition beyond any reason. These are all things that are bound to lead to catastrophe if they are not placed under the power of the Spirit, or at least under the power of reason or common sense, which might not be enough. If we are not aware of this, then how can we even think of starting to learn about how to be free? How can we try to learn to live life if we think it is meaningless, if we think that nothing really matters and that life is just a constant quest for the most pleasurable feeling, for the highest high or the craziest thrill? We must do away with these ignorant notions. Life is meaningful beyond human comprehension, and we can learn something from everything. We can learn from good and from evil, we can learn from the kind and we can learn from the wicked, we can learn what is right and what is not right, we can learn from our parents, we can learn from priests or from politicians, we can learn from books or from crooks. Who we learn from often plays a big role in who we become in life, but the wisest teacher of them all is life itself. No matter who we choose to learn from in life, be it professionally or just in general, about life, no one can teach us like life can. Life is the master of life, it knows all there is to know about it, because it is life itself. The more we understand the deep significance of life, the more we try to connect with it, to really live and to feel it, to feel fully alive, the easier it becomes to understand life, to understand how to incorporate everything, the good and the bad, into our lives, how to keep calm and continue to move forward, how to trust in God, in life, and how to leave worry behind. We were not meant to live in fear or worry, so we must focus on living our lives as best as possible and on learning the most we can from every day we are blessed to live through. The first step is to humble ourselves and to accept that we don’t know much at all, that we are the humble students of life from now on.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 67.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 65: All Work and No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy.

Sometimes we think we’re the only ones who know how to really live life. We laugh at others who spend time thinking about or working on other things, things we personally could care less about. But we all have things we are interested in, and we all like to spend our time differently. We are free to do as we wish, all of us, and it is only natural that all of us would like to spend our time differently, seeing as how we are all very different and unique people. It’s true that some things are more productive than others, but who says that all activities have to be productive anyway? Some activities are done just to have fun, such as most games for example. Some games teach things as well, but the main idea behind a game is just to have fun. Some games allow us to win, or to lose, while some games are endless, they can’t be beat, and some are for one player, while some are for multiple players, so we see that the main purpose of a game is not always competition, it is simply to allow a person to have fun. Is there anything wrong with games because they are not leading up to anything productive? Are they simply a childish distraction from life? Not at all. We all love games, from small children all the way to elderly people. Babies are basically born playing, and whenever I visit my grandparents they’re diligently trying to fill in all the blanks of the newspaper’s Sudoku or crossword puzzle. Games like these are actually quite productive, since they allow us to exercise our thinking, as well our problem-solving abilities. It was actually a game of Sudoku which I played today, a game I’ve never seriously played before, which got me thinking about writing about this today. It was challenging, and I really had to use my brain. It took me quite a long time to fill in all the blanks. If we make a habit of doing such an activity every day then we will be sharpening our minds without a doubt. But apart from these productive games, there are many other games which, as we’ve mentioned, are not so productive. Should the playing of such games be avoided or kept to a minimum? In a way yes, but in a way no. I was never much of a gamer, but my youngest brother David really loves video games, and has a number of different consoles with different kinds of games for each one. My dad is always nagging him about reading a book, and sometimes I jump in as well and mention the fact that reading is a great way to learn about life and the world, but I feel bad because I don’t want to make it seem like gaming is an inferior activity, like he’s wasting his time by having fun. It’s true that we can become addicted to video games, that we can dedicate way more time than necessary to our progress in any game, but the games themselves cannot be blamed. We need to look at the attitude of the player. Everything in life requires balance, so it’s not good to do nothing but play. But the opposite is also true, since people who avoid all kinds of fun and games and are completely obsessed with study, or philosophy, or religion, or with any other scholarly subject, are often missing out on a lot of joy in life. Such people are usually attempting to cut fun out of their lives since they feel that it is a necessary sacrifice, one which they are willing to make in order to finally achieve that great success they are dreaming about. Not everyone can reach the greatest heights however. Many people go through life despising all the good things they’ve been blessed with. They can’t stop to play with their children, they can’t have a fun moment with their wife or husband, and they can’t let their children be children either, since they are always trying to get them to grow up. Other parents never teach their kids responsibility, and this is a great mistake, but to teach nothing but discipline with no time for fun is not good at all either. When I decided to stop drinking and smoking excessively, to start reading philosophical and spiritual books, to start meditating and trying to live life right, I unfortunately became a bit obsessed for a time. I was sick of my old life, and I knew that I needed to make radical changes in my life in order for me to really be able to change, in order to see some real results. The discipline was definitely needed, but one thing which I regret is having been so uptight about it in the beginning. I desperately wanted to change, and so I hoped to spend every second of the day meditating, reading, learning, watching documentaries, etc, and I started to look down at the world, as if everyone everywhere is always wasting time, as if people are simply passing the time without doing anything productive. I felt like this had been my life up until then, drinking and partying and wasting time, so I saw nothing but that in people’s lives. I was bothering my wife about playing too many games on the iPad, I was complaining to her, asking why she doesn’t like to read more, or isn’t more interested in spiritual or philosophical subjects. Everyone has their path to walk, and learning to live life right should not cause us to become more serious than it is good to be, it shouldn’t turn life into one long sacrifice, and it should not cause us to look down at other people simply because they don’t choose to spend their time in the same way as us. Sometimes all we need to do is to stop worrying, to sit back and relax, and to play a game and forget about the stress.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 66.

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 64: Being Free of External Opinions.

What does it take, to be free of others opinions, to truly be oneself, yet to remain grounded in reason? What would it feel like, to be able to do everything with complete certainty, with zero insecurity, knowing that we’re not making a grave mistake? What if we knew the way, if we knew each and every step we needed to take? I have a feeling that life would seem just a bit controlled, kind of fake. Should we embrace insecurity, doubt, fear? These things are what keep us alert, but we cant’ give in to either one of them. Nothing can harm us when we are truly grounded, even further beyond than reason, but if we are not, then these things are bound to paralyze us. The way others wish we would live our lives, what society expects of us, what parents or relatives, brothers or significant others want us to do, who they would like us to be. Great expectations which at times we have no desire to even attempt to live up to. Yet the nagging feeling persists, the anxiety, the constant indecision that makes something inside our bellies twist, when we face a big decision. But what if we could embrace it, then we might just be able to use it to our advantage. If we can master fear, if we can truly learn to trust the process of life, then we might just find that we have enough peace of mind, enough motivation, enough concentration, in order to think things through, in order to get things done, in order to see things more clearly. As long as we are drowning in our fears, of events of the past that still manage to haunt us, of future possibilities for tragedy, for chaos. We fear change, we fear death, we fear people and the things they say and do, what they think of us, what they might do to us. What if we were free of all preconceived notions about people and what they might be thinking, what their ulterior motives might be, and about what the world is and how it should be? Could we live healthier lives, would there be less people who can’t cope with the stress of life in modern society? Could there be less mental as well as physical illness? We can’t ever find peace in life and we often wonder why, but most of the time what we’re missing is just honesty, sincerity, the courage to be totally honest with ourselves. We can’t do this because we are terrified of change, especially the positive kind. We are afraid to look within and to face our demons, so we pass the time, and we never bother to even try to understand what life is all about, to wonder about who or what we are as a species, what our collective purpose might be for existing, or what your own individual purpose or mission might be. We want things to be easy, but life isn’t easy. We can’t avoid the hardships of life, we can only prepare for them. This doesn’t mean that life is evil, that the world is a hostile place, but it does mean that we have to remain as aware as possible at all times, that we have to stay alert. We have to keep a constant watch for the evil within ourselves, so that we may practice the necessary self-restraint in order to live a balanced life, in order to allow others to do the same, and to speak nothing but life to whoever we encounter. If we fear the opinions of others, if we fear the possibilities of being ridiculed, of being persecuted, then we cannot speak our minds. If we are not aware of what the truth is, if we do not have a code to live by, if we don’t have the smallest idea of who or what we are or what we stand for, what we agree with or not, what we allow into our lives, then life will carry us this way and that way, into trouble here, into problems there, and we will complain and wonder why it all seems to happen to us. We never stood up for anything in our lives, we never bothered to try, to find a meaning to life, or to create one. We gave up, we gave in to temptation, to laziness, to discouragement, we never bothered to make things make sense, or to find the inherent sense in the events of our lives. Another mistake some people make however, is that they think that are free of others opinions, and they think they are being themselves, but in reality the only reason why they feel free to be themselves is because their identity revolves around being funny or cracking jokes, or doing things that make them popular in the eyes of others, whether those things are correct or not. Such a person often disregards morality and acts in evil ways in order to impress others, or to fit in, or to prove to others how crazy or cool they are. In time, these people start to identify with the image they are attempting to portray, and they start to believe that they truly are that image. If they ever tried to look within themselves and tried to live by the principles they would find in their hearts then they would find it a lot more difficult to be free in the world. The world seldom wants the truth, it often wants only what is comfortable. People want to hear what they want to hear, they want to be distracted, they want to be entertained. Who can be bothered with the truth in this day and age of transitory pleasures? What purpose can the truth serve when all we want is to be comfortable in the lies we’ve fabricated? It’s a sad state to be in, and we all must be honest with ourselves about whether this is the way we are living or not, and if so, then we must each find a way to rise above this mentality.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 65.

~ Rebel Spirit 

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 63: You Are My Everything (Poem).

What a nice night, what a life, it just feel so right. What a day to rejoice, a divinely granted right, walking alongside my beautiful wife. What a sight to behold, what a wonderful choice, feeling higher than a child’s kite. Flying in the wind, as I spend my time with the one I love, in twenty-two minutes it’ll be two years, which we’ll celebrate, blowing clouds of chronic as we elevate, together as lovers, we hug and kiss each other, promise to be there forever, like I said in the song I dedicated to her, through whatever weather, I put nothing above her. When I’m feeling down, she makes me feel better. We never hide a thing from each other, never, ever. No secrets, and when we make a promise we’ll be sure to keep it. Pure sincerity, integrity, and loyalty, these are the keys, to the creation of commitment and trust, of communication, so that we can feel at ease, in each other’s presence, remaining fully focused on the present, contemplating on the shortness of life, but never letting our love lessen, even if some call it an illusion, and in fact there’s something higher, true love and companionship are the greatest things one can possibly acquire, on this Earth, above money and gold. I see the face of my beloved, a beautiful sight to behold, so nice, I have to state it twice, at least, but I tell her every second, a wonder to reckon, at every minute, true love is overwhelming when we’re in it. Constantly teaching me so many valuable lessons, nothing short of a blessing, bestowed from the heavens, I wish to be with my lady twenty-four seven. Connection is what we all crave, and my wish was granted, even when I never expressed it, even suppressed it, repressed it, I can’t understand it. I thought I was a lone wolf, alone against the world. I never had the thought of settling down with a girl. I thought I had no need, I thought I could get along in life simply by staying high on weed, higher than the rest, thought I don’t need the lies and the stress, the cheating, the breaking up and necessary memory deleting, that is bound to follow, the empty feeling, hollow, all the pain and sorrow. I’d rather spend it mastering my mind, meditating, reading, but you came through and showed me that there’s love within a soul, who lives in simplicity, you were like an angel sent to visit me, I still believe it’s possible, I thank God together we can conquer every obstacle, and fly to the moon and the planets, the stars, For you I’d trade the riches and the fame, being a star, being known, when I’m with you, wherever we go, I’m truly home, You softened up a heart that seemed to be hard as a stone, as a rock. As you rocked my world, delightful in every way, an exciting energy which I knew needed to stay, with me, to love and care for, now I’m carefree, taking up responsibility but still I’m feeling free. A challenge which I chose to take, I made no mistake since the reward is beyond great, I get to see your pretty face from the moment I awake, in life we give and we take, but I want to give you my all. It’s like we both heard the sound and didn’t hesitate to pick up love’s call, which united our paths, now these years have passed, filled with love, filled with laughs, hugging and kissing, before that we were far away, missing, each other’s touch, now we never have to go back to such, a situation, our unification’s a holy representation of the unity of polarity, selfless love, compassion and charity, forever giving, we ignite the flame in each other’s hearts that keeps us living, keeping it beating, keeping it strong, when you speak it seems to me like the most beautiful love song. So speak to me now, as we walk and we stroll, on the sidewalk, hand in hand, but connected even in soul, both of us hoping for eternity, but simply watching history unfold, as we provide each other with heat and cold, and support each other as we eventually grow old. Love is patient, kind and bold, we can help each other change, and grow, into who we were meant to be. I help you and you help me. True commitment and care, these are things we must appreciate and proactively share. We must cultivate the love and the trust in order to one day exterminate the hate for good, down to ashes and dust. I feel the love as we spend our days together, you and I, I wish everyone can have the chance to experience true love, what it is to be unified. I pray for this to God above, to bestow love upon all the earth’s people, so that we may all have something to live for, so we can all despise evil. How can we promote evil when it could affect those dear to us? How can we lie and cheat when we truly need somebody we can trust? I look at the rivers, the trees, look out at the vast blue seas, at the oceans, I think of society and all its chaos and commotion. I think, I think, I come to no conclusion. I only seem to come to confusion, stress and fatigue orchestrate a successful intrusion, into my consciousness, I start to think I’m only meant for less, as I’m overwhelmed by the world, it causes me fear and stress. But then I find myself at home, alone, with you beside me, a king in his throne, with my queen by my side, and everything is love, it’s where I reside. Everything disappears, the hate and the fear, and even when we’re far away I always long to hold you near. You are my biggest source of happiness, and one of the few reasons I’d ever shed tears. You are the reason I would scream, or the reason I could always sing. You are my life, my love, you are my everything.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 64.

~ EJASC

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 62: The Beast Within (Poem).

We look to the West as well as to the East, but like that line in Hotel California, we just can’t find or kill the beast. We have no choice but to look around at all the insanity, the inhumanity, we create behavior patterns to drown it out as we focus on nothing but vanity, never aware, to say the least. We speak for no real reason, insults, profanities, of every kind and meaning, with no other purpose but to be detrimentally demeaning, every day it seems like the destruction is increased, while instruction is decreased. Instead of being the prophets of purpose we choose to be the catalysts of calamity, it’s chaos in the streets, and within the home and family, within the church, the priests. Corruption in every corner of the known earth, we trade our integrity for petty pleasures, so far from acknowledging what life is really worth. We can’t practice restraint, the beast is within us but we just can’t recognize it, we can’t. It makes us act out of unconsciousness, as if we were to faint. We can’t spot it, but we know it’s there, never stopping, popping narcotics, feeling like we’ve gone psychotic even though we ain’t. The vices, on the TV, the internet, the nicest, cars, clothes, we have to look our best for God knows, who, we don’t even know why we even do what we do. We’re happy with the farce, too tired for whatever’s true. Since truth requires effort, or at least to look inside of you, within and yet beyond, feel this life to the fullest but understand and be humbled by the fact that soon you will be gone. Life is priceless, an opportunity to live and to grow, to compare and to know, to share and to give, once again, to simply live, to learn the balance between resisting the system and going with the flow. Why should we fail at the ultimate goal? Open your eyes to the beauty, behold! Only when you’ve entered the realms of the soul. Leave behind the negativity of mind, life isn’t a race so you can’t fall behind. Understand that in each way we all have to shine, like stars in the darkness, we’re each just a line, in the great universal song of love, God’s mantra, repeated at every second, giving birth to cells, to planets, to heavens and hells. While we study how sex sells, we’re in the market for the money. We don’t know a single thing about who or what we are, is it funny? Or is it sad? Is God my own Spirit, my true Self, or is he something more like my cosmic dad? Why don’t I try to connect with Him so that I can inquire? Or should I just stick to faith and forget the questions, lest I be burnt for eternity in the lake of fire? I’m glad I’ve started, I’d like to kill my ignorance before I myself have departed, before my earthly life has expired, before I leave this carnal world of desires, I’d like to slay the Beast, to feed my Spirit, not only my body, to push myself to excel at what I want to the least. To push past comfort, past the zone of no progression, to leave behind attachment to greed, and thereby to aggression. Slavery is the system of society, security must never become a reality lest we run out of things to sell. We thrive off the pain of others, we’re quick to backstab those we’ve called brothers, just for a few dollars and cents, then we wonder why life seems like hell, never making sense. We’ve created this mess, we never stop to truly question, honestly, why we can’t shake the stress. We see the lives of others and we think our lives are less, like the grass is always greener, so we see the world as enemies, as competition, and as our perception is gradually affected the world seems to get meaner and meaner, by the day, until we no longer want to see or say anything to anyone. Darkness covers our thoughts like we’ve covered the sun. Self-medication, blurry lines between that and fun, recreation, we’ll see our mistakes too late, the train has left the station. We spent a lifetime just dodging preoccupation, but amassing more, unconsciously, as if we’re filling up a store. Except we give everything back for free, the destruction, the toxicity, we spew it out to the planet, we just do it, we don’t have to plan it. We’re consumed by confusion, always feeling crazy, a feeling creeps up of lethargy, feeling lazy. Where’s the motivation, when life is so cruel? We’d rather spend a lifetime trying to be cool, to climb the corporate ladder, to jump from one distraction to the next, ignoring the things that truly matter. Can’t find concentration, our thoughts all scattered, trying to find satisfaction in repetitive and meaningless actions, in acquiring possessions, we try to control and mold the things around us with aggression, try to find a sense of meaning in starting a fight, since we’re facing inner demons that prevent us from seeing the light. Life is full of responsibility, although it’s a precious right. Don’t throw it away because years pass by in the blink of an eye as quick as a wild drunken night. So don’t ignore the blessings you’ve been granted, take nothing for granted and constantly water the seeds of love which you’ve already planted. Allow love to grow in your heart, love for God and for all creation, God’s masterpiece work of art. Life wouldn’t be the way it is if we weren’t equipped well enough to handle it, to deal with it. Life has its highs and lows, the pain comes and it goes, just like people, I know it’s rough but we’re being real with it. So don’t waste a second, be aware at all times. I just hope that I can properly channel this message through these rhymes.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 63.

~ Rebel Spirit

1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 61: Let Go of What You’re Attached To.

Today’s my second day in a row without bud. In case you didn’t know, I’m a daily toker, I have been for many years now. In the past few years I’ve started experimenting with setting goals for myself, daily goals as well as long-term goals. One example is my goal with alcohol. Back in the days I used to drink way too much, and it was causing problems in my life, so I finally decided that something needed to be done. I didn’t want to stop, and every day it was so easy to just walk on over to the corner store and grab a six pack, especially in the infernal Honduras heat as we getting home from work, no longer in the comfort of the air conditioning. In the midst of a painful hangover, since they got worse and worse over the years, I’d always swear I’d never drink again. I had no need for it, I would say, I felt guilty or ashamed about possibly, very likely, having acted like an idiot the night before, and I didn’t want the situation to repeat itself. No more drinking, I’ll be a new man. These were my thoughts, but once the hangover went away, the cravings always came back. The problem is drinking to excess, but why not just have a beer or two? That refreshing cold taste, that initial euphoria and overall relaxed feeling, they were too nice to pass up, especially since everyone I know from work loves to drink. I don’t know many other people here, but wherever we find ourselves these days, usually most people love to drink anyway. It’s a socially acceptable destructive habit. I didn’t pay much attention to all my promises to stop drinking, but over time I did a lot of reflection, along with some powerful psychedelic trips which really showed me the desperate situation I was in, and so I built up the courage to get started on an abstinence goal. I started out with just five days, and I promised my wife Maria that I would stick to the five days no matter how I felt. She’s not a drinker at all, so she’s always been such great support and motivation for me on this particular goal, although she always supports me with all of the goals I set for myself. Sure enough, when I talked about forgetting the goal and having a beer she was there to remind me that I was the one who set the goal in the first place because I really thought I needed it, that I had been the one who asked her to support me with it even if I tried to back down, and that it would only be five days anyway, that I was strong enough to succeed. I did succeed, I didn’t drink for five days. Then I drank again, but this time I was ready, after a week or two of drinking, to do a ten day goal. I did it, and although I always did drink after the goal was over, I felt like each time I completed a goal, each time I stuck to the plan and practiced self-control instead of just giving in to temptation, I was getting a bit closer to freedom, I was leaving the need for alcohol behind. I no longer partied at this point, so I would just drink at home, waking up to a complete mess the next day. This went away, and the longer my no-drinking goal was, the longer I was able to spend uninterrupted peace of mind. My mind was much clearer, I didn’t have such negative thoughts floating around in my head, I felt less pains all throughout my body, less stomach problems, and I got to save up not only the money I used to spend on beers, but also the money I’d spend on all the dumb shit I’d buy after drinking beers. Fast forward to today, I’m three days away from reaching a hundred days, although the goal is two hundred. I previously completed a goal of a hundred days without drinking, it was my last goal. I drink when it ended, yes, but this time much more moderately than I used to. Now, halfway through my two hundred day goal, I honestly have days when I really feel like I could go on for the rest of my life without drinking, like I really don’t need to drink ever again, it just adds nothing to my life anymore. I really hope this mentality persists when I finish this goal, but I’ll probably do a bit of drinking before I start with the next goal. The good thing is that at least my attitude towards alcohol has drastically changed due to these experiments. As for the bud, which is what I started out by talking about, it’s a bit of a different story. Although smoking anything is harmful to the lungs in one way or another, weed is not really much of a problem, as far as cancer and things like that go. Either way though, I recently started using a vaporizer, but the real reason for me setting a goal of abstinence from cannabis for a while is due to my attitude towards it. Unlike alcohol, weed isn’t really a substance which I’m really looking to eventually remove from my life for good. On the contrary, I love bud and will probably use it until I grow old. The problem is not the weed, the problem is my attachment. It’s hard to admit at times, since we want to continue using or doing whatever we are attached to, but any kind of attachment is not healthy for us, and that truth cannot be escaped. Whether it’s weed, or money, or food, or whatever it is, if we are constantly in need of it and we don’t feel okay without it then we are attached. My goal with the bud is to cut down quite drastically for now, from blazing every day, to blazing only 15 days of each month, so basically half the month. This is the first month that I’m doing this experiment, and I blazed up until the tenth day of the month. I stopped on the eleventh and today, but when it gets to 12am I’ll blaze, and I can’t wait, only about fourteen minutes more until the new day. This weekend is directly leading up to my anniversary with Maria, our two year marriage anniversary, so we have to blaze this weekend for sure, and on Monday, which is the actual day. This will mean I’ll have gotten stoned for thirteen days of the month, leaving only two days for me to blaze, and about 15 days left of the month. I’m not looking forward to those five-day intervals without blazing, but the time has come to begin with this goal which I’ve been thinking of starting for quite a while. I already promised Maria anyway, and I can’t break that promise I made to her, so it helps to keep me accountable.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 62.

~ Rebel Spirit