I was born in the third world, right by the equator, in a country so hot and so violent you might think you’re in hell if you came to visit. If you looked a bit closer though, you might find that it is also a place of peaceful villages, a place of family harmony, a place of love for God and all his children. It’s a crazy contrast, to see all the messages about God everywhere, on the buses, on the buildings, banners, yet to hear of so much crime and death. Organized crime and gangs, as well as corrupt police and government, keep this country unsafe and unable to move ahead. For better or for worse, I was born in Honduras, and when my parents told me we’d be leaving to Canada, immigrating there, I threatened them by saying that I wouldn’t watch TV any longer when we arrived there, since it would all be in English, and I wasn’t about to watch TV shows I couldn’t understand. This was the most important thing for me, I was almost ten at the time, and I have a vague memory of that day when we said goodbye to my grandparents. We were at this very same property which I’m back in today, writing to you all from. I’m back at my birthplace, and over the past two years I’ve gotten used to the heat, to the bugs and the roaches and flies all over again, to the loud sounds and funny smells as well. Everything is hot and sweaty, everything is vibrant, like an endless summer. I’m back in Honduras, I came back to be reunited with my wife, or actually to make her my wife, who I met on a previous visit back here. It’s great to have different experiences, and to stop having some of the things I was previously so used to. I know I’ll experience some of those really great things again when I get back, such as readily available high grade chronic, or being able to hike up the beautiful B.C. mountains. I also hope my connect for shrooms can hook me up like he did in the past, I haven’t kept in touch with him these two years, and I’m looking forward to getting into the music scene again, giving it one more shot perhaps. I’m about to be twenty-five, and I might as well give music a shot again, since Vancouver provides a somewhat supportive environment for artists, and since I doubt things will be able to work after I’m thirty. At the same time, due to the spiritual path I feel I’ve embarked on recently, I’m in this whole thing about not letting expectations overwhelm me. I don’t want to set such high expectations about how things will be, I just want things to be as they are meant to, to ride the wave of life, and to thank God in every situation. The music business requires so much effort on a person’s part, to keep up with a certain image, to create and image for oneself and to make it into a brand, to commercialize it, to make it cool. How can I focus on that which has no image or form, when I am always supposed to be thinking about how to promote an image of myself, the brand or reputation I’ve created for myself? These are all things I think about, and sometimes I think it might be best to just leave the entertainment industry to the side, and to just focus on cultivating the right mentality in life and with finding the Spirit within us all. I wonder sometimes if it could all be a delusion though, and if I should really focus on becoming successful, and not so much on matters that are not of this world, in a sense. Could it be that life is passing me by and I just feel that I’m being spiritual now or living life better? I don’t want to fall into this trap, so this time that I’m back in Honduras has really been a time for me to reflect. I haven’t gotten to a final decision yet, but I’m thinking of giving the music a shot once I fly back, and attempting to include the concepts I’m learning about within my lyrics in more creative ways. I can’t give up my chance to do something I love for a living, especially in this internet age when it’s easier than ever to promote one’s music or literature, but I also can’t give up on my spiritual pursuit of the truth of life. I have to keep a third eye open, I know, if I wish to stay on the right path and to really try to get into the entertainment business, into the music business. One can’t avoid life however, and I was born with the talent I was born with for a reason, just as all of us are, so I can’t let it go to waste simply because of fear of stepping off the path, of falling into temptation. I feel that I’ve been working on self-control for quite a while now and that it’s finally starting to pay off in a big way, so I’m really conserving this motivation within me so that when I get back to Canada I can create content and constantly promote it. I moved to Canada at an early age, I learned English and I learned to rhyme, I took a break for some years since I had to clear my mind of such negative ideas I held before, and now I need to incorporate the new positive ideas I’ve been learning about for the past few years, into my music. To me it’s all meant to be, it’s all part of a process which is about to take new shape. Only a few months left and we will see, but for now I keep on managing my expectations, and taking it a day at a time while I’m here in Honduras.
To be continued tomorrow, on Day 59.
~ Rebel Spirit