I sit at home tonight, trying to get a thousand words together for my blog. Maria’s talking on the phone with her friend, I’m still a bit sick, but she’s been taking care of me. Today was her day off from work, so at least we had all morning together before I had to leave to the call center in the afternoon. She got a lot of clothes washed while I was at work, and when I got back from work I let her know how much I appreciate everything she does for us, since everything is done with love. On the 15th of July we’ll be celebrating two years of marriage together. We moved into this little place right when we got married, a small, separate house on my grandparents’ property. We have some photos of our wedding on the tables, some 3D stickers both us have collected are on the walls, and in the room mainly we have some inspirational quotes, spiritual and philosophical, from Jung to Jesus to Buddh, from the Bible to the Bhagavad Gita and James Allen’s ‘As A Man Thinketh.’ Motivation is something I can’t be without, and these quotes provide just that for me. I just look at a random one and read it sometimes when I’m in our room. I’m sitting on my bed right now, the table is right by the bed. This table was previously used as a counter at my grandparent’s pharmacy which they owned many years ago, I believe, so it has some pharmaceutical stickers still on it. I got the tray with my own medicine on top of the counter, or table I’m breaking down some bud and I’m at peace while I chill in my room. Maria talks, I write. I appreciate the silence, and I speak with myself in a way, just as everyone speaks to themselves all the time. What’s the difference between a writer and an ordinary person though? They are both ordinary human beings, but why does one decide to write? Is it because one has something to say? Often we don’t even know what to say, yet we know there is something we want to say. Are we just egocentric, that we wish to communicate, as if we had something to say, when there’s actually nothing worth speaking? I don’t think this last option is the right one, I believe we all have something important to say to everyone we meet. These interactions don’t happen sometimes, these possibly healing experiences, these connections between people, because we are closed off from people, by our judgments and insecurities. Anyway, I’m just drifting off on a thought train again. What I was previously trying to do was just describe the moment I’m in, this writing experience. Stoned, comfortable, finally feeling alright since I took an acetaminophen pill and took some bong hits about an hour ago. Speaking of connections that simply happen, and of things that just need to be said, I’m glad for the connection that led to our marriage. Maria and I were watching the Morgan Freeman documentary on Netflix a few hours ago, ‘The Story of God’. He doesn’t go too deep into most religions, at least so far into the show, two episodes in. However, he does a great job of showing the basics of most religions and shows us some spectacular scenery from sacred sites around the world. If he did get into too much detail with each belief system there just might not have been much of an audience, I guess. It’s interesting though, and I think that anything that provides us with further understanding of other cultures and their practices is a great tool, a tool to fight the ignorance and fear that arises when we don’t respect, or when we fear and hate, other people’s customs and beliefs. Nothing is all black or white in this dual existence, everything has a lot of dimensions to it. Most of us are ignorant of our own culture, so what about those of other people around the world? We’ve got to escape our personal bubbles of arrogance, of attachment to our own ideas and aversion towards those of others. We lose nothing if it turns out we were wrong, we only grow in understanding. There is nothing to fear from learning about the ways other people do things. We shouldn’t pretend to be sure about things we don’t know, only to close ourselves off from all ways of ever finding an answer. We believe we know, yet we know nothing for certain. Society’s backwards, our bodies are all out of shape, infested with disease. No ease can be found in the way we do things, we do all things the hard way, including learning. We are never at ease, so our faces grow wrinkled, a face of anger permanently portrayed on us. We think this is all there is, suffering and then death. We can’t see the big picture, we think we are strong, we think we run the world, we think we’re reaching the top of the pyramid. In reality we’re weak, we’re afraid of sacrifice and afraid of pain, we’re afraid of facing our demons, so we’d rather unleash them on those around us. We don’t want to change, we want to allow our lower nature to drag us right down to hell. We’ve got to get out of our heads, we’ve got to say what needs to be said, we need to make the correct connections, guided by our intuition. You know what I’m talking about, you know what the right thing is. Stop fucking around and do it, stop making excuses and do it! I don’t know if there’s an overall point to tonight’s piece, since I tried to make it a meditation by describing the things that surround me, the set of what’s going on, yet I always drifted away into thoughts and ideas. I’m at the end so I hope I knew what to say, and I hope it perhaps can inspire someone, as so many great passages have inspired, and continue to inspire, me.
To be continued tomorrow, on Day 32.
~ Rebel Spirit