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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 81: Listening to Musicians’ Full Discographies.

I have a few different methods for listening to music which I use at different times in order to have different experiences. I really do love to listen to all kinds of music, or at least most, so what I do is try to listen the the greatest artists from each genre, in order to save everything into one library which I usually play on shuffle. The result is that it delivers a diversity of unique sounds of all kinds, always switching and bringing me something unpredictable. I usually blaze a nice joint which is sure to last for a while when I let my library go on shuffle. This way, I get to randomly listen through some of my favorite songs, as well as listen to songs which I might have only heard once and liked and saved onto my library, which helps to become more familiar with these songs, to turn them into new favorite songs as time passes. I used to just listen to the classic albums of each genre, but having already finished listening to pretty much all of them quite a while back, I decided to listen to some of my favorite artists’ full discographies. One of the first hip-hop discographies I listened through fully was none other than Nasty Nas’. He’s always been one of my top three favorite rappers, without a doubt, all the way from his debut classic ‘Illmatic’ all the way to the recent ‘Life Is Good’ or ‘Nasir.’ What I like most about Nas’ music is that he never fails to drop some knowledge or even wisdom in his lyrics, and always mentions certain experiences or ideas in a truthful light, without looking to glamorize a certain lifestyle. I have a one-eyed pyramid tattoo on my left arm with a Nas quote under it: “In the land of the blind the man with one eye is king.” I think that in a sad way it accurately describes society. Moving on to a different genre, one of the longest discographies I’ve completed to date has been that of Van the Man, or Van Morrison. I listened to something like forty studio albums during the course of a few months, finishing yesterday with ‘You’re Driving Me Crazy’ and ‘The Prophet Speaks.’ The jazzy saxophone vibes and smooth vocals, especially on the latter, really went great with the good kush I was blazing with my buddy Danny. Van always delivered something new with each album, a new style and sound, but always fresh. What I do is that, I have maybe about four or five artists whose discography I’m listening to at any given time, and whenever one is completed its spot is replaced with a band that has a somewhat similar style or sound, and which I’ve probably been wanting to check out for quite a while. Since I heard the last two Morrison albums yesterday, I started with Bob Dylan’s first two today, along with the Stones’ ’12 x 5.’ I just started listening to the Rolling Stones’ discography about a week ago, after a long Grateful Dead binge that lasted a long time, maybe as long or even longer than Van Morrison did. On the newer side of rap I’ve heard Drake’s full discography, seeing as he’s so popular he’s gotta be doing something right. He’s definitely got an original sound, and although it’s not my main style of rap I can’t say I didn’t enjoy most of his albums. I’ve also heard Eminem completely. He’s always been one of my top three rappers along with Nas and Pac, but his last few albums don’t even come close to his old albums in any way. I can’t blame him, knowing how complicated his life has been, but we can’t deny the facts, it’s just not the same intensity or genius at all. I had already listened to all of Slim’s discography, of course, but I re-listened to every album again, and extremely enjoyed the old classics as always. When it came time to finally hear his new latest albums, which were the only ones I hadn’t heard yet, I was a bit disappointed, although there were some great songs still. If I remember correctly, the first ones I started with were Nas and Eminem, as well as Pink Floyd and The Beatles, my two favorite bands. Just like with Eminem’ music, I had pretty much listened to both of these amazing bands’ music, but I went through the discographies in chronological order once again, enjoying every second for sure. From Floyd and The Beatles I moved on to Led Zeppelin and was blown away. I was familiar with about two or three of their albums, but i discovered that I had been sleeping on some other amazing records for so long. I loved all of their albums if I’m not mistaken. Led Zeppelin IV has always been one of my favorite albums, both ‘Stairway to Heaven’ and ‘Going to California’ being two of my favorite songs. Led Zeppelin led to The Grateful Dead, as I mentioned. I can’t believe I hadn’t listened through their albums before, especially being so into psychedelics and the whole culture surrounding them. I have no clue why I hadn’t checked out the Dead before, but now a song by them is sure to come on whenever I shuffle my library, even though the list is a few thousand songs long. I enjoyed all of their albums, and listened to the main live ones along with the studio ones. My favorite of all was probably Skull and Roses, and I love its skeleton cover art. I know I haven’t mentioned many, or any, women up to this point, but I do love some food female singing for sure. My favorites are Sade, Norah Jones and Lana Del Rey, and I’ve heard all their albums so far. I’m hooked on the chill sound that they all incorporate into their music, but I have to find a new female musician’s albums to listen to now, I’m just not sure who it could be.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 81.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 80: Do We Really Believe in Equality?

Do we sincerely and honestly believe in equality, as more than a fantasy, as something that could one day actually be? Excuse me for asking, it’s just not easy to see. So many people have oppressed the rest throughout history, so they can feel above the rest, exterminate those who they didn’t regard equally, as the rest, as those considered to be pure, to be the best race, sex or nation, could be any kind of corrupt motivation. They say the apple don’t fall too far from the tree. So are we doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past generations, who condoned hatred to the point of total separation? Or can we learn from our mistakes and do better at last? Is it a real possibility to let the pain pass? Can we now keep calm and be patient for a better day, to resolve these tensions in a better way? Truthfully, as we teach the seeds so shall they grow to be, and by setting a good example then they’re sure to follow willingly, instead of wishing they would memorize and live by every word we say. For every decision made in life and every action taken there’s a price to pay. But each person must decide, to live life on either side, of the fence, only you can truly know what your life represents. Do we believe in every single person’s chance to be free? Or am I programmed to be controlled, electronically? Am I determined to make everybody like me? So that they can copy me and try to be like me? Is life some kind of popularity contest? Or a constant battle between nations, endless wars and conquest? Conflict, we can’t arrive at peace so we bomb shit. Then teach the children that killing is some wrong shit, and that violence ain’t the answer. The state of the system we live in has me feeling sick as cancer. It’s too bad that a lot of times this sick feeling just isn’t too strong, at least not strong enough to make us change when we’re in the wrong. We’ve become accustomed to the way things are, and we wish they would stay the same forever, but the fact is that the times change faster than the weather, and tomorrow we could be a much different person than we currently are. We all try to see things as we’d like them to be, but we can’t ’cause we all sing along to a different song, a different beat. We all have our own struggles, all have to stay strong, but in different ways, periods of pain can last long, when we feel the heat, can’t stand up from the hot seat. We can grow desperate and tired, we might try to manipulate others to fulfill our selfish desires. But why should they follow my rules? Why should we live by their laws? Who gets a say about what our kids learn in the schools? Who is eager to answer when death calls? Yet we all must die, we must die as others have passed. Are we just trying to stay alive? What’s the point of doing only that? Are we building a society that’s truly built to last? Or one which will crumble to ashes in a great rumble, or a World War. Are we raising kids who are way too interested in being stars? Do you know if you’re ready to ruin your life for fame? Is it a noble aim which will fulfill your soul when it’s finally attained? Will it take away the pain and the guilt and shame? Or would it be a way to feed your ego, to feel better about yourself, a way to finally put those insecurities up on the shelf? Will it ruin your family, will you still be able to discern your real from fake friends? Will it throw you in the pit of loneliness and cause you agony? You never know, but for the recognition you’re ready to blow. You’re ready to let your old life go, to be better than the rest, to be know as a celebrity, something to be celebrated, adored and elevated. If we are all equal then why are such people venerated? Why do we praise money and status and nice attire? When within ourselves we have all of the value we require? Our body and mind may grow old but our Spirit will never retire. That Spirit which is equal within us all, that living eternal fire, that conscience that strikes the liar, and the thief, the same that they ignore, which is the cause of their future grief. Ignorance, the cause of suffering. Aversion and attachment. Attachment to an image of our fragile body, which causes us to act in such ways that we feel will take us higher than we are, will elevate us to a new plateau. We wish to go beyond ourselves, beyond this worthless creature we seem to loathe, but which we still take care of, day by day, as if life was nothing more than a worthless and repetitive game we play. We don’t like equality as much as we claim. We want to be exalted beyond our petty personal name. We want to be the richest, the smartest or the wisest. In that desire to be what we’re not, that’s exactly where our demise is. Each of us is what he or she needs to be. All of us are where we are supposed to be as well. The thoughts we choose to cultivate can make this life a heaven or a hell. So see the world as your brothers and sisters, not as others, but as extensions of your own soul, there will be sacrifices you will have to make if true equality and selflessness unfold, within your heart and soul, and as they begin to branch out everyone will know that you are beginning to shine, like the most precious gold that could ever be found, a beautiful sight to behold.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 81.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 79: Placing Motivation in the Right Direction.

Motivation is essential if we wish to succeed at any task, without a doubt. However, if our motivation is applied towards the wrong things then we are doing nothing but wasting time of our precious lives, and exerting energy which we should be using for other more important things. Sometimes we wish to do something so badly that we fail to take the time we actually need in order to actually do it properly, or we fail to realize that we have no business doing it at all, which can end up much, much worse. We often get excited and we act on impulse because we have no self-control. We want things to work out now, without putting in the necessary work! We don’t want to even think about all that hard work, all the dedication and perseverance we’ll have to put in over a long period of time if we’re really serious about whatever our goal is. Sometimes when we’re in a desperate situation, we might have an idea which seems to shine so bright in our mind, which seems to be the answer to all our problems. It can be tempting to get started right away in order to escape as soon as possible from our current situation, but often in our excitement we overlook a lot of important details. Whether it’s a brilliant idea that just pops into your mind out of the blue, or a concept you’ve been wanting to explore for quite a while, self-control is absolutely necessary at all times, along with discernment. The mindset that we begin to cultivate when we constantly practice these two qualities, self-control and discernment, prevents us from taking action without thinking things through, before we’re fully ready to start the journey we plan to eventually embark on. Even if you have done everything correctly and at its proper time up to this point though, you can still fail if you are not careful to remain alert. Some things seem so tempting that we can forget about self-control in a second, even after working on strengthening it for a long period of time. Desire can blind a person in the blink of an eye. Don’t become overconfident in your ability to wait patiently. If we don’t remain aware at all times of why we do what we do when we do it, then we are bound to make countless mistakes until we finally learn, if we ever do. We will do things at the wrong time, or we will partner up with the wrong people or promote ourselves at the wrong places. We need to know what our motives are for why we do what we do, and then we have to reflect on the different possibilities which are available to us which can help us to achieve these motives. This is how motivation is applied in the right direction, each move carefully calculated. The word motive is the root of the word motivation. Sometimes we think we know what our motives are for everything we do, that we know what truly motivates us, when in reality we couldn’t be more mistaken. Asking ourselves what our motives are, and answering sincerely without holding back from ourselves, is the key to understanding how we can use our motivation effectively by placing it in the right direction. It can be devastating to find out that, after years of promoting a belief or an idea, or a product or brand, it was not really worth spending so much time and energy on after all. This can be avoided if we take the time to know ourselves and our true motives before we start planning any new project. Many people have various paths they could pursue in life, yet they can’t find the time to do all these things at once plus go to work on top of that. Desperation can arise in such cases if the we can’t find a way to connect our different motives, to synchronize them in order to create a lifestyle which includes them all, and which aims at fulfilling all our short-term and long-term goals. We need to examine our motives and the things we believe we want to achieve in life. Sometimes we might feel really motivated to become rich, or to become extremely popular. Such a person might think that they are interested in fashion or expensive jewelry because they simply like it, and they might make it their life mission to work with these things. Upon further examination of this motivation however, this person might find that their initial desire to be cooler, richer, more popular or more attractive, arose from their insecurity, from their need to feel better about themselves, to stop feeling inferior or uncool. If this person could let go of these emotions of inferiority, they might not even be interested in fancy designer clothes or jewelry anymore, since they will probably no longer feel the need to impress people everywhere they go. Obviously, I am not saying that everyone who is into fashion or bling is like this person, it is only an example is true of some people in real life. We have to examine our motives, our ambitions, our aspirations. We have to ask ourselves why we wish to accomplish such things. Is it so we can feel better about ourselves? If it is, then we know for sure that there is no need to feel motivated to do such a thing any longer. We don’t need to do anything in order to feel better about ourselves. We can only feel as good as we are. If we want to feel better about life then we just have to live life better. It’s as simple as that. There is nothing wrong with setting goals for ourselves, and celebrating when we achieve these goals. There is nothing wrong with being happy with the progress we’ve made at any specific goal, but we should only dedicate significant time and energy to the things which truly matter the most of us in life, not to things which we are only doing to impress others, or even to impress ourselves. In conclusion, motivation can be a great ally on our path to success, but only if it’s carefully handled and properly directed, and this can only be achieved if we work on getting to know ourselves and our true motives for living the way we wish to.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 80.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 78: Getting Checked.

Yesterday I posted about the random chest pain I started having last night, and also about the mental struggle that followed: In the face of pain and uncertainty, of fear of the unknown, I was hit by a severe lack of motivation to complete my daily goals. I also wrote about how I eventually found the motivation to persevere, and to finally succeed at completing my goals even though I was feeling terrible, and was extremely anxious about the possible cause of the pain. Once I regained my motivation by remembering that we must remain grounded in God in all situations, both good or bad, that everything is part of life and is meant to be, I did my goals and then started researching as much as I could about my symptoms. After researching a bit, I felt like I was able to rule out heart issues or some kind of cancer, since I’d probably have other more debilitating symptoms if either of these were the case. Most of my anxiety came from these terrifying possibilities, but from all the websites I read yesterday and today about my symptoms it seems like the issue might just be a torn muscle near the chest area, which is not too serious. This calmed me down quite a bit. Maria and I prayed together last night, and I also called my mom on Whatsapp video chat, since she studied medicine. We ended up speaking for hours, and she further confirmed that I probably don’t have a heart issue. My mom is back in Canada, so it’s been a while since we talked like that. It was nice. Even though I gained some understanding of my symptoms and was beginning to feel less anxious about the cause, I still couldn’t be too sure. Both my wife and I couldn’t stand the uncertainty any longer, so we decided to come to the clinic to do some check-ups. I’m currently sitting in the waiting room, waiting to hear my name get called out. I hate getting medical tests done, getting blood drawn and all of that, but it’s definitely necessary. I really can’t wait for the moment when they confirm the good news, that I just have a torn muscle and that it should fully heal in a few days or weeks. Anything will be alright just as long as it’s not a serious condition. I’m really praying to get some good news, and I feel really nervous about the outcome. At least they have free wi-fi here to keep me busy. Even though I’m writing about this exact issue, the act of writing in itself is an effective distraction from my nervousness. I just want to kill as much time as possible so that it won’t feel like I’m waiting for an eternity. It’s also great to have Maria by my side, always supporting me and simply being there for me. She is watching One Piece on her brother’s phone while I do my writing. Every few minutes she turns to me and gives me a kiss, telling me not to worry. I don’t know what I would do without her.

Second half of today’s post. In the end, I didn’t even need to take any tests. The doctor just checked on my breathing and chest and concluded that it’s not related to any heart or lung issue. What a relief that was. He said it’s most likely a muscle problem, as I suspected, and they gave me a muscle relaxant shot and some pain pills to take for the next few days. I also don’t have to go to work tomorrow, so I can get some extra rest in order to heal quicker. Everything turned out great and I feel as if a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. After such great news I unfortunately have some bad ones. As I was working on today’s post on my phone while at the clinic, I noticed that somehow, my post for Day 77, which was yesterday, reverted back to an old draft version I had saved on my phone. I have no idea how this happened, and now I don’t see the post in my list of posts. It really sucks since I felt that it was a very well-written one, not to mention one of the most liked ones. However, everything happens for a reason. I don’t know what the reason is but, although I lost some of my words which I worked so hard to put together while suffering from anxiety and fear, I can’t do anything about it other than move forward and keep on writing even better words, better posts. I can’t possibly be in a bad mood about this now that I know I don’t have some horrible, serious disease. I thank God for today;s outcome, and for everyone who helped me out at the clinic. It was a really easy process and everyone was really friendly. On our way back home we stopped to eat some baleadas and we all had a good time, a little celebration in a way. 

Everything worked out great, and I now see that I shouldn’t have worried so much. We always worry too much about all the bad things that can happen, and in reality it doesn’t help. Instead it makes matters worse, as anxiety and fear cloud our judgment and prevent us from being free to make good decisions. I will be taking better care of my health from now on, after yesterday’s scare, and I hope I can keep my commitment to the various lifestyle changes I’m looking to make. I feel like what happened last night was meant to scare me into making some changes I’ve been wanting to make for a long time now. Maybe that was the only way for me to feel really motivated to do what I have to do. God bless you all and may you live happy and healthy lives, free from worry and anxiety.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 79.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 76: Mistakes Are For Us to Learn From.

Life is the opposite of death, yet it includes it. The nighttime forms part of the day’s 24 hours, yet is the opposite of daytime. The best feeling of satisfaction contains the experience of all the suffering which preceded it, of all the past longing for it, without which it wouldn’t be half as profound or fulfilling. Every wonderful transformation would be impossible if the person who decided to change had never realized they had to, if they had never hit rock bottom before. Perhaps they finally arrived at that realization after enduring much trouble, after walking a very problematic road for a very long time. Every lesson ever learned was learned from a mistake, whether our own or another’s. We must look at our mistakes and understand their seriousness, yet we must not become disheartened, and discouraged from moving on. We must never beat ourselves up or become desperate for change. Complete change cannot happen just now, but it will surely happen at the right time, if we start to live differently now. If we are desperate, if we are feeling down about ourselves because we haven’t been able to change, then it will be more likely that we will slip into old patterns of behavior, into vices and addictions, or that we will search for constant distractions from our lack of self-esteem, from our regret for what we’ve done. There is no need for desperation for someone who understands that there is a reason for everything, and that everything passes, that everything can change for the better or for the worse, depending on how we live. We must keep calm, even when the times are tough, especially when times are tough, and we must understand, without a doubt, that the hardships of life are necessary so that we may change. We all make mistakes, not excluding a single person, and the mistakes we make affect not only us, but others as well. We think this is unfair, since the only way it would be fair is if we were all one person, paying for our own mistakes. What we don’t realize is that this is actually the case, that we are all one being, in essence. We should never feel like we are paying for other’s mistakes, or that life is ultimately unfair just because the evil actions of others have caused us harm. What is the use of spirituality, of a belief in a spiritual reality that transcends this physical one, of God within, if we become desperately preoccupied and anxious when things don’t go as we planned them, or if we are willing to hurt others in order to preserve our own well-being during desperate times of chaos? Don’t stress or worry, because everything comes at its time, to help us learn what we need to learn in this exact moment, and so the truth is that nothing can really harm us in the grand scheme of things. If we are suffering now then it is because we must suffer at this time. Is this unfair? Doesn’t everyone suffer or experience loss at some point during their lifetime? Don’t be angry at the transgressor, at the one who has wronged you, since he is God’s messenger to you. Thank him, be thankful for your problems, forgive him. Look within yourself, and ask yourself what you can learn from this new situation you find yourself in now. We may not like the learning process, but it is indeed necessary. Some would say that this philosophy is evil, that it places the blame on people who are born poor or disadvantaged, or sick, but is it better to assume that they were born into such a life simply for no reason at all, just because life is indifferent to them, or because some evil creator decided they should be born into pain? This is hardly a better view of life. None of us know why life exists, and we don’t know why we have free will, but the best attitude we can have is one of humility, one of being students, constantly learning from life, observing and seeking to understand without judgment, without thinking that life in itself is wrong. Is it likely that life was created by a sadistic spirit for the sole purpose of watching us suffer and kill each other just for fun? If our lives are nothing more than a cruel joke, entertainment for some cosmic terrorist somewhere out there, then what would be the point of even going on living? If life was completely random and evil, then how can there be such things as true, unconditional love? How can there be the love of a mother for her child, the willingness to sacrifice oneself for another? How can there be so much laughter and pleasure in this world if it is all evil? It cannot be evil, it simply cannot be all for nothing. Life is a constant war between good and evil, the world itself is flawed, but for some reason fate has dictated that we must live in this planet, at this time during which we are alive. Fate? Didn’t I say we have free will? Our free will is God’s command, it is intertwined with destiny and fate. This is why it is so important that we live righteous lives, because we will all suffer from our ignorant and evil actions. We cannot judge something we cannot understand, such as the universe, or God. I heard a Nina Simone song today, it came on while I listened to my Spotify library on shuffle, and it reminded me that there’s a time for everything under the sun. There’s a time to laugh and a time to mourn. Just because we don’t understand, because we don’t see the purpose in something, maybe in something like suffering, doesn’t mean there is none. Such a thing as a meaningless moment or an insignificant second is impossible. Everything is meant to be, there’s nothing that comes about as a mistake. We wish things were not as they are, we hope and we pray, but things are as they are. It is in the nature of everything to be as it is, and the more we wish things weren’t what they are, the more separated we become from them. If instead we practice gratitude, if we can remain calm in the face of adversity, this is a sign of true faith, this is sure to set us free from bondage, by showing us the true union which connects us to all that exists. What is there to fear if we see everything as part of God’s plan? Nowadays this is not a popular idea. How can evil be God’s plan? We all have free will, so let’s stop blaming God. Let’s assume responsibility for the life we have been given, and positive change is sure to come, both in our individual lives and in the world as a whole. 

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 77.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 75: Energy, Instinct and Intuition.

The whole of life is evidently all energy; hence we are all emanations of this energy. We have fair basis to believe that we are not separate from anything, as the whole of matter is energy as well. Energy is effort, a never-ending effort to elevate, the driver of all evolution. Energy is the source of time and space in this reality, but sadly time is often misused due to it being disregarded as if it’s no big deal. We love to say that time is an illusion and it’s all in the mind, that the clocks were all created by men, and that we live life on our own schedule. Although I agree wholeheartedly, and I acknowledge our innate desire and need to be free and to never feel bound by time, what good does it really do me to realize this if it still won’t set me free from my chains? What good comes from being aware of being a slave if I am, in the end, still a slave to schedules, to the chains of captivity, if I can’t escape my worst afflictions no matter what? Isn’t the person who realizes the problem, yet does nothing to stop it, ultimately in a worse position than the one who was never aware of the problem in the first place? Merely realizing that time is an illusion doesn’t free us from it if we can’t apply what we’ve learned to our real lives. As we go on living, we are all blessed with an endless amount of energy which we can use as we please. Everything we think and do becomes the cause to an effect, and it itself was an effect of a previous cause. This energy has existed for eternity and shall keep on existing, yet it manifests itself in this moment in time and space in your birth or mine, our lives themselves probably being effects of previous causes unknown to us. We must take a moment to see that for as long as we live in this physical world we will be bound by time and space, experiencing life in a seemingly linear fashion, and whether or not it is an illusion in the grand scheme of things matters little to the clock and to our day to day responsibilities, all of which revolve around seconds, minutes, and hours. So, what can we do to be truly free? It is not an option for us to bury our heads in the sand, and we cannot lie in bed all day enjoying the soft touch of blissful ignorance either. We need to use our time wisely, by reflecting on the seemingly random events which are taking place in our lives and in the world as a whole. Everything is simply saturated with meaning, but the question now is how to perceive it. We can begin to perceive all the significance in our lives by training our mind so that we can have it only focus on what matters. A distracted mind is easily led astray from its real goal by forces that wish to prevent it from reaching it. When we learn to pay attention to the things that really matter to us is when we start to free ourselves. We can now use our time wisely in order to progress in our goals instead of wasting it on meaningless fun. Not that there’s anything wrong with fun. The key word in the previous sentence is ‘meaningless’. We can all have fun with meaning, we can all enjoy life. After all we are all powered, so to speak, from the same source, the same source of all that has meaning. The energy which maintains our bodies, our minds, is the same energy that gives life to the plants and to the animals. Energy is transmitted back and forth by all living beings through action, through thought, through speech, through feeling. We forget that things do not have to be visible in order to be real. We forget that we can smell and that we can hear, yet that neither the odors we smell or the sounds we hear are visible to us. We forget that we can feel the air, and in fact rely on it, yet we can’t see it. We forget that, although we feel the light hitting our skin on a bright sunny day at the beach, we can’t see the rays extending down from the sun and hitting us. In much the same way, we emit subtle vibrations everywhere we go, and even when we don’t go anywhere. Every thought is a thing, and every feeling is a thing too, but the problem is that too often our thoughts and feelings seem to manifest on their own, without being called upon by us. That’s because, in fact, they weren’t called upon by us, but by the learned habits and preconceptions of the mind. Evil thoughts arise in a person’s mind, apparently out of the blue, because he or she has allowed it to consume too much garbage, too much negativity, and now it is seeing the world based on rotten thoughts, it is creating its own thoughts based on what it misinterprets. Sadly, thoughts which are completely perverse are sometimes seen as flashes of intuition, just as sometimes someone might attack or kill someone else and later claim that God told them to do so. People who experience such strong feelings often believe they are being called upon by their intuition, but they don’t realize what it really going on. Instinct is something different from intuition. Intuition arises from the divine wisdom which we know to be correct even beyond our desires and ambitions. Instinct arises from something we have consciously or subconsciously learned over time which has become deeply embedded in our mind. Something happens which reminds us of an old incident and we react in the same automatic way. This is a learned reaction, a habit. This is instinct, repetition, mindless action. Mindless action is also energy, but it is energy which has no purpose, no value. In order for this energy to become valuable to its beholder, he or she must learn how to control this energy. This person must learn to control what they pay attention to consciously as well as subconsciously or unconsciously in dreams. This person must learn not to fall prey to selfish desires or passions, they should not do anything which will harm others in any way, they must live with integrity. This will strengthen character, and it is a daily practice of divine intuition, the spark of God that dwells within us all. This is the conscious part of who we are, and the more we practice connecting with it, the more conscious we will be at all times. We will become aware of our passing thoughts, of our moods, of our reactions to petty situations as well as disasters. This sort of introspection will allow us to modify our reactions, to create new habits and to drop old ones, to spend time more wisely. In other words, connecting with this higher state within ourselves, the state of our true being and consciousness, allows us to control where our attention goes. Just as in meditation, focus is placed on the lack of sensory input and thought, but most importantly on consciousness, on awareness., on the energy of being simply being alive. The most important point to remember is that awareness of sensory input is not sensory input, and being conscious of thought doesn’t mean that one is thinking. Whether one is being conscious of breath or of thought or of sensory input, none of them require any action on our part. Breathing and thinking are automatic processes, and sensory input is external, coming from outside ourselves. So, as we relinquish control and we stop trying to think or to feel or to do anything, we come to a state of simply being, the state which is truly us, and which is constantly aware that we are thinking, feeling, doing what’s right, doing what’s wrong. It is often ignored, and when we ignore this consciousness within ourselves, we become unconscious to everything, and we engage in simple mindless action, purposeless action. This leads to people being unable to get along with each other because there is no value of energy, energy is wasted, as if we were to live forever on this physical plane. The obvious result of this waste is that, as we all remain unconscious of our waste of energy and time, and of our feelings and emotions and how they affect us collectively as a species and as a planet, the world gradually sinks into separation, into division, and therefore into further and further devastation and destruction, the product of all the evil energy circulating in our atmosphere.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 75. 

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 74: “The Trouble Is You Think You Have Time.”

Jack Kornfield said that “the trouble is you think you have time.” We all think we have enough time. We know that there are important things which have never been said up to this point, things which probably should have been done a long time ago. We know that we have to set things straight when it comes to a certain person or situation, that we have to confess the truth to them, but we are sure that doing so will result in a loss of pleasure to us, so we choose to hold on to a comfortable lie instead. Often times when we hurt others, we immediately realize, we come to know that we are in the wrong, yet we create the dumbest excuse to go on feeling offended and entitled, instead of owning up to our mistakes and apologizing. We are too scared to be vulnerable, too afraid of our own feelings to ever be able to analyze them properly, let alone those of others. We cannot apologize sincerely since we see it as a sign of weakness, of admitting that we are wrong, and therefore inferior somehow to the other person. Too many of us have killed our own inner child. We are afraid to live because we are scared to death of being less, being seen as less, of being seen as weak in this hostile world, of opening up to others and forming true connections. We have become so immersed in one thing or one kind of lifestyle, on our numerous distractions from our problems, that we fail to see the blessings all around us, and we fail to take action when it comes to things we know we should do or not do, things which we ignore for a while hoping they will go away. Soon enough we realize this approach just doesn’t work. Nothing ever goes away, we simply cannot run from ourselves, from the things that still haunt us, from the inner issues we need to resolve, as well as all the external ones. Owning up to his or her own mistakes is really a nightmare to someone who has adopted a victim mentality towards life and who has created the habit of complaining about the smallest misfortune, but to one who is connected to the deeper truths of life and what it means to be alive, this shouldn’t be a problem. When we are honest with ourselves and others, but especially with ourselves, about where we are going wrong, where we are doing the right thing and where we’re not, then we are truly starting our journey into self-developing. Nevertheless, it is only the start. Sometimes we can be brutally honest with ourselves about our shortcomings and errors, but due to our negative perspective which is so attached to physical reality we cannot make the necessary changes in order to truly resolve these issues. We let them linger on in our lives, affecting every new relationship or project, affecting all the thoughts that run through our minds every single day. We do not know how to tackle them, but since we think we have time, we do not even try, we just look the other way, we look for all kinds of distractions, hoping that we will eventually forget about the deepest truths of our lives. We cannot live in this way, fueled by ignorance and fear. We must understand and live by the fact that everything is cyclical and recurring, that there are patterns woven throughout the webs of history which connect the dots of human interaction in the most magical ways, completely unknown to our limited perceptions, and that the time to act is now, that we were born where and when we born to do things, to make our lives worth living and to fill them with meaning. We understand that all pain and pleasure will pass, and this is a constant reminder to us not to fall into desperation. Better days are ahead, but for now, there is simply no time to waste when it comes to the truly important things. Tell your mom and dad you love them today, make plans to spend more time with your siblings or with your friends you haven’t seen in a while. Get outside and meet new people, experience new cultures, don’t just spend the day looking at the same old screen inside the same stuffy room. Live! Get up and live! Lively yourself up, or “lively up yourself!” As the man Bob Marley would say. The world is devoid of honesty nowadays. We have all become addicted to our way of living and are afraid to give it up. We have adopted mainstream society’s shallow values, and if we haven’t, then at least we have learned how to pretend that we have. We have hardened our hearts and become cold to the love which is present within us all and which connects us on a spiritual level, on the deepest level of connection, if we would only choose to stop for a moment and pay attention to the now. Stop seeing others as separate from yourself and simply say what needs to be said. Stop seeing the future as a separate reality in which you will play a part. Your life could end at any second. Understand that the time to do what must be done is now. Do what you must do, and you will feel much better after! You will feel more confident for having spoken your mind, you will feel like a more open person, you will receive more respect and will be able to communicate clearly with the world. You will feel accomplished, and will be ready to take on an even more challenging task. You will be building your stamina and strength, your self-control and willpower. Don’t waste time. Don’t think that you will be able to do something only after you have done something else or become someone better. The time to take action is now. There will never be another time, since every moment is really Now. Tomorrow might never come and we might not wake from our dreams tonight. Life is uncertain, and things seem to happen randomly, but everything has deep significance. Have you thought about where you stand in this wonderful world, in the grand scheme of things, about who you are in this life? If not, then the time to start pondering these questions is now!

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 75.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 73: Use Your Talents to Shine A Light.

Life’s about sacrifice, you gotta put in work because people’s hearts have grown cold as ice. No one is obligated to lend a helping hand, so don’t expect anyone to understand. But the trick is to not grow bitter and cold, even as we constantly witness the wicked ways in which life in this world unfolds. The point is to take a true hold of your own soul, to put the mind under the Spirit’s authority. We have all been blessed with skills and talents, with intelligence and wisdom, which we can use to bless, others as well as ourselves, to exert the will to progress, but too many of us have our gifts sitting on the shelves. We all have the ability to think and then to express, creatively, whether in poetry, lyrics, music, art, spoken word, to be true to who we were meant to be, and nothing less. Speak your mind and stand for what’s right, though it might shake up your whole world, possibly overnight. Stand by your word. Be who and what you claim to be, always take the high road, up high as a kite, fly forever free. Have the courage to follow the highest vision you see, to create what you conceive. Be a beautiful light, shining bright for what you believe, the brightest star shining on this blessed summer night. It is said that those who wish to give light must first burn. Take up your cross and sacrifice your physical self on it. Kill your attachments to earthly pleasures, especially those which harm others and cause suffering in the world. The right thing won’t always be the easiest one, or the most pleasant one, but we can’t possibly ignore what’s right and expect a good outcome. Recognize the wrong way and turn around to run. I thank those who paved the way for me, and I hope to do the same for generations to follow me, for years, for decades and centuries on, the legacy of everything we do lives on, we live forever even after we’re gone. So know that this is not the end, this misery nor this joy. There is more significance in every second of every day than we care to realize. I don’t know which is the right religion, but I do know that all of us are battling a spiritual war, so we were born with a mission. We all are meant to be, essentially, an example of righteous living, of unconditional care, of charity and selfless giving. Stop all the hate, leave the past behind and recreate, forgive and forget, leave behind every grudge as well as every regret, love for love’s sake. Be thankful for every friend, and even every enemy you’ve ever met. There are no enemies, have no fear for real or fake. Life has placed these people on our path, so that we may come to know what it’s like, to experience hate, pain, separation, rage, wrath. We had to know these things to come to know that they are not us. We are the consciousness on which these emotions, these thoughts and feelings appear, quickly fading away like dust, remain calm and watch them disappear. Let your mind rest, feel at ease, peace of mind is like a soothing breeze, close your eyes and meditate, elevate, feel the unity between you and everything that’s ever been, yet know that the source of you is something so great, that the angels are your kin. How were you conceived and born? How can you speak and connect with others, how can you understand concepts such as love and mutual respect? Life is filled of meaning, but it’s up to us to detect. So leave behind any notions of insecurity, of not being or having enough, stand proud and erect, if you woke up today there’s no excuse to feel like a wreck. Whatever you did, leave it behind and give yourself a chance. Life is in constant movement, so we have to jump in and dance. Roll with the rhythm, with discernment, don’t worry about the past or the future, everything will pass, everything is temporary, and everything is just as necessary. Be humble, understand that God dwells within your brother, within all others, and we all will one day decompose in a cemetery. The heavenly and material aspects of our nature each go their own way once death arrives, each from where it came, each continuing in changing, in transforming, after having gone back to the source, ascending and descending, coming down after they rise. Therefore there is no death, be free of guilt, and understand you have a new birth, a new chance at life, with every breath. Ignorance is the problem, none of us know this. We desperately run around trying to get ahead, we think there will be nothing left of us once we’re dead. Worldly success means everything, we can’t wait to get a taste of the satisfaction the money and the fame will bring. And what if the dream doesn’t  true? It doesn’t happen for so many others so why should it work out for you? Will you cry and complain, will you wish you were never born, will you speak curses upon yourself, upon your life, or life in general, screaming in pain? Identify with the real inside of you. Be the Spirit, don’t rely on anything on this planet. Analyze the nature of things, understand and plan it. Whatever you’re doing, sacrifice what holds you back. You know what it is, and if you haven’t let it go yet, it’s because you’re hooked on it like crack. The real You needs nothing to survive, spiritually, it only needs to be aware in order to be alive. Adversity is nothing to the real Self, it thrives off of challenges, your talents are your tools, use them for the glory of what’s good, don’t follow the crowd like a fool. Life is a process of constant learning, but one day we’re all sure to graduate, just like from any other school.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 74.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 72: A Positive Attitude When Facing Trouble.

All we can do is try our best, to have the most positive attitude we can have when faced with whatever obstacle life throws our way. When this becomes a habit, we start to feel that life has much more meaning, we start to see the dots connect, we start to really sense the significance in every word and deed. When we understand and feel that life has intrinsic meaning, it becomes easier for us to make the right choices, whereas someone who is bitter towards life, believing that it is just an insignificant, random thing, and that the suffering it includes makes it not worth living, is sure to make more selfish choices, even if they negatively affect others or themselves. When we understand that everything we say and do has powerful consequences, that every action has a reaction, we will think twice before saying things that are unnecessary or harmful to others. We will also feel more inspired to say or do the right thing whenever a situation arises. This is easier said than done, since saying and doing the right thing often require much courage. When we shy away from perceiving life as the deeply significant phenomenon that it is, it is easy for us to slip into tedious routines, into bad habits which are quick to turn into comfortable addictions. Just because someone addicted to heroin or prescription pills suffers more than we do from our own addictions, that doesn’t mean that we aren’t addicted to TV, or to money or clothes or even Facebook likes. If we are not living a life of purpose then we are only wasting the days away, we are only going from one temporary pleasure to the next, and we are sure to become desperate if these things are taken away from us. Our constant need for pleasure and comfort have made it so that we can never dedicate ourselves to anything worthwhile, anything that requires time and effort. How can we do such a thing if our minds are constantly focused on feeling the next pleasure, on finding the next thrill? Our addictions are sure to interrupt us, and since we are anticipating that future pleasure, we don’t do as well in whatever we are currently engaged in, since our mind just isn’t in the moment. Our mind is elsewhere, in the future, trying to conjure up memories of what that wonderful feeling is like, impatiently waiting for that moment when we’ll feel it again. We were born into this world with nothing, all naked and with no possessions. So why do we need so many things now? Do we really need them or have we simply convinced ourselves that we need these things, that we need to feel certain feelings in order to be happy? We all have to do things which aren’t very interesting at some point in our lives, or which are completely uncomfortable for us. We all have to make sacrifices, starting from the day we set foot in school so that we may learn basic things like reading and writing. So why do we complain whenever an uncomfortable situation arises, whenever we have to really focus and work at something which perhaps isn’t our favorite activity? If we acknowledge that life isn’t all about doing everything we want one hundred percent of the time, and that doing some things which we don’t want is actually beneficial and even necessary for us, then there should be no need for us to complain about anything. Each and every situation we find ourselves in is the exact situation where we need to be at that moment. If we feel that we shouldn’t be where we are, then it is only because we have certain expectations about how life should be, and we feel that if life isn’t up to our expectations then we can just make a different life, often with no reflection into why we might be going through whatever we’re going through in the first place, why it could be essential to our life. Most of the time we only realize these things in retrospect, as we look back at past tribulations, we recognize the specific ways in which we have learned since then, due to those exact situations.  We need to be humble, we need to seek to understand, to listen more than we speak, to observe and to wonder, but no matter what, we always have to try our best, we always have to have the right attitude, to do what needs to be done. We all know what needs to be done in our individual lives. It all depends on what is going on in each person’s life, but we all know what we need to do. We all know where we are fucking up, as well as where we are succeeding. It is a dangerous thing to lie to ourselves even once, since we might repeat it, and then we might develop such a habit of lying to ourselves that we don’t even know that we’re lying anymore, and this is when it gets really hard to make the right decisions in life. As long as we don’t allow negativity to corrupt us, as long as we can do good and be good in this world, no matter what we may see others doing, then we will be well equipped to make the right decisions, even when we are facing the hardest of struggles. No matter how things may seem to be going for you right now, if you feel depressed or discouraged, if you feel that you aren’t where you would like to be in life, just remember that it’s all a process. Be thankful for what you’re facing, acknowledge that bad things happen to everybody, that it’s all part of life, for a deeper purpose which we can’t understand. Don’t become frustrated at this, but accept it. Accept life as it is, accept your current situation, and from this day forward, make it a habit to always be completely focused on doing your best, on giving your best no matter what. Watch life change as your mentality changes. It might take some time, but change is guaranteed in life. It is up to us if it will be positive or negative.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 73.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 71: Humility and Balance in Life and Spirituality.

What is addiction and what is recreation? Where is the line between harmless fun and reckless behavior? Are some addictions worse than others, and if one doesn’t mind being addicted, then is it a problem? Life is about balance, as I’m sure we’ve all heard or perhaps realized for ourselves, and Buddha suggested we follow the Middle Way. But what is too much of a good thing? Is there such a thing? What is not enough evil? Wouldn’t we all be free to finally feel at peace if all evil were eradicated? Would we though? Is duality necessary? If it is, why should it be so? Unfortunately I don’t have all the answers, but I am willing to ask them, and I’m sure some good has to come of it. Some say we must have faith, and I agree, but faith in who or what? If evil is a part of life then, is this God’s perfect plan? Is there something wrong with it, or is it just that we are not at a level from which we can see what it all means, why it’s all necessary? Is life all a game, or is it extremely serious? At times we feel one way, at times we feel another. How can we find a balance between the two, and should we even attempt it? Some might blame God for having created such an evil world, but they don’t realize that their own use of their ability to express themselves is only possible because of their existence in the world. Evil is within us, just as it is outside of us, and we all have the potential to treat others in horrible ways in which we would never want to be treated ourselves. Should we despise our own existence and kill ourselves because we were born imperfect? Doesn’t it make more sense to try to understand why we were born this way? There must be some reason for it. Isn’t there any inspiration to be found in our lifelong struggle against our own evil, in persevering towards achieving a goal, towards setting our life straight, or a certain area of our life, and coming out successful in the end? What if there is a much deeper meaning to life than just seeking pleasure? Could this be the reason why some of the most damaging things in life, for human beings, are also the most pleasurable? Maybe the bitter aftertaste that follows certain forms of pleasure is there to help us, to guide us so that we may search for the truth, so that we don’t spend a lifetime chasing after alcohol, or drugs, or sex, or money. Some things are not evil in themselves. Sex is holy if it is treated with respect and used in its proper context, but it has been degraded to such an extent, that it is now one of the easiest ways to get lost in the petty search for pleasure. What turns good into evil, holy into blasphemous? A lack of balance does. Now, regarding the doubt as to whether this is God’s plan, whether he meant, if he did create the universe, to have evil be a part of life, I can’t say that I know, or that I’ve looked deeply into the subject. However, in the Bible, Adam and Eve disobeyed God and ate from the forbidden fruit before the snake had even appeared to them. If the forbidden fruit was what made them be aware of good and evil, being the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, then how could they have committed evil deeds, such as disobeying God, before having eaten from the tree? Eating from the tree was an act of disobedience, but if they were created perfect, then why did they fall for the snake’s dirty trick? And where did the evil snake even come from anyway? If God made everything good, then how could an evil snake, a lying snake, come to speak to Adam and Eve, to tempt them into doing something wrong? Perhaps God meant for there to be temptation in this physical world, maybe so that we might learn to overcome it. Would there be any meaning in an action movie without a bad guy for the hero to take on? If there isn’t a bad guy then there’s some sort of conflict to resolve. I’m not saying that life is a Hollywood film, but life is sort of like a movie except that there is no guaranteed happy ending. Life depends on our choices, and even if some think that our fate is sealed, that history is already written and set in stone, it sure doesn’t feel that way. If we can’t feel like it is that way, then at least we should try to make our lives meaningful, even if it’s just for us. Take a second to sit back, relax, meditate, leave the stress behind just for a moment. Analyze every aspect of your life, and you are sure to find much meaning. Some you have always been aware of, some you have neglected for a long time and left to the side, and some might come in the form of a sudden, new realization, a surprising epiphany. Once you think about what is important in your life, about what is meaningful, you will see that, in order to progress in each and every one of these things, you will need to work at being much more balanced, and at having more self-control in general. This practice of cultivating self-control is actually the first step into a spiritual way of living. Self-control means that the real Self, the only Self, is controlling the illusory self, the physical and mental self, the physical and mental projections which are perceived by my mind in order to create an identity of who I am, along with the name given to me by my parents at birth. The more self-control we practice, the more we will live a balanced and healthy life, and the clearer we will think. We can’t have all the answers in life, but we shouldn’t become cynical because of the world’s apparently hostile nature. We should be humble, and we should seek to understand, for we are very small beings in a much, much greater universe, more meaningful than any of us could ever imagine.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 72.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 70: The Mysteries of Life and Writing.

70 days into this writing goal, every day writing a thousand words and posting them on here. I’m not sure of what my purpose for this goal actually is, but I’m glad it’s become a daily habit to write. I wish I enjoyed it more though, since sometimes it seems like just one more goal I have to complete before midnight. I think what might be missing still is organization. I have to find a way to organize my ideas, and to plan certain days to write about certain ideas. So far I’ve just been randomly writing every day, going off whatever comes to mind when I sit down to write. I have a feeling that, maybe if I just write enough, maybe if I write consistently, every day, eventually I might create a masterpiece, something which people might read and really feel inspired. I feel so much significance in life, things connect in my head and I am in awe at the way in which life interacts with life. Over the past few years it’s become really overwhelming, so I’ve started to try to get things written down, but for some reason so many things which I want to express are hard to get into words. I guess it’s expected when one is constantly learning about spirituality and philosophy, but I hope I can start to get my ideas across a bit clearer soon. The most important idea that I want to get across to people is that, even if we don’t know the answers to all of life’s mysteries, even if we feel that life is meaningless at times, or worse, that it’s evil and cruel, we are only a part of life, each one of us, so we are in no position to decipher what everything in life means. Do you consider yourself evil? No? What about perfect and good in every way? That’s not you either right? We are all making up life, life includes us, so we can’t separate ourselves from it in order to ever examine it properly. Life is what happens to us every day, but life is also everything that happens without us, far away from us, every single day. Since we are not God, and we are not the creators of life, we must assume a position of humility. Too many of us associate humility with weakness, with being soft and allowing others to walk all over us. Humility is an attitude towards life. Someone who is humble has no need to justify his or her belief or to have others believe it. We can all use our sense of discernment to find what works best for us in our lives, what is right and what is wrong conduct, but humility means that we shouldn’t attempt to force others to live as we do. We can offer wise advice when we see our friends and family struggling, but we must understand that we are all free to live the life we have been blessed with. The reason I want to get this message across through my writing is because, once we understand this, that we are interconnected with life and that it is much deeper than it often seems, then we will be more likely to try to come to a fuller understanding of it. The person who, in his or her arrogance, thinks that his belief system is all there is to know, and that he has figured it all out, that life can be fully explained by any one religion or philosophy, has closed himself off from ever reaching higher truth. Humility is the first step towards properly living life. Once we assume a humble attitude towards life, then we are free to live, to interact, to understand. This is why I write, because, even though I do not have all the answers to life, at least I accept and understand that. I can write without pretending to have it all figured out, as a real person with real thoughts, trying to live a real life. I don’t know what will happen with my writing. I don’t know who will read it, or why, or what thoughts will pop into each reader’s mind as they read this, but I write because I know that life is made of connections, and that we must do what we have to do, even as we face uncertainty. Should I stop writing because I don’t know what will ultimately come of it, or even why I’m doing it at times? Of course not. We have to keep on moving in the face of uncertainty, and we have to keep on learning, on wondering, on connecting the dots of life, even if we are facing adversity, even if it seems like it isn’t worth moving on. Life is mysterious, and knowing that, really feeling that mysterious quality of life within myself, all the unknown potential which lies within every human being, has really sparked a flame in me, to read, to write, to share information so that whoever may read it may be inspired in some positive way. I started out this post with no idea of what I would write, and I even started writing my own answers to my own question down. Why don’t I enjoy writing more? I answered that I had to have more organization. However, once I got to writing I had more and more ideas, and now I’m not sure how I even ended up on this sentence, writing about what I’m currently writing about, about how life is so wonderful and mysterious. The point is that it just happened somehow, that something real which was on my mind was successfully transmitted into words for you all, and that now there’s no going back, all because I decided to just give it a go. Things are bound to happen in life, no matter what, and if we try to live with humility, we can try to understand and learn more about the things that happen in life and why, and we can learn to use those things in order to have better things happen in the future. Everything’s a mystery, so we might as well try and figure it out. we never know where life will take us, but it is sure to take us somewhere. Stop pretending to know everything, stop pretending that you know where you’re going. Be humble, seek help from those who know, and try to learn and understand, and then to put into practice.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 71.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 69: Persevere Through Life’s Hardships.

Times are always hard for many people around the globe. If things are going well for one person, someone else’s world appears to be crumbling down. We all can be sure that, if we are not struggling now, we will have to struggle at some point in the future. We will be afflicted by numerous struggles throughout our lives, but we mustn’t allow our anxiety to take control. We have to stand firm and face the reality we find ourselves in, even when suffering seems totally meaningless, existence nothing more than a cruel cosmic joke we find ourselves trapped in. We wish that the existential enemy we face would just vanish in a second like a cloud of smoke floating away with the breeze, when we need to accept it instead, to witness it without fear, with a calm and collected mind, and to dive deep into it in order to understand it. We have to learn not only to live with uncertainty, but to love it, to thrive in the face of adversity, prepared to stand firm before any possibilities, to have the attitude and the strength which are essential in order to overcome any obstacles in our way. As we sit and worry about the future or cry about the past, we waste precious time, we complain instead of finding a way to change, to make a change in the areas of our life which need changing. We sit around, miserable, consuming carcinogenic chemicals, smoking and drinking, doing hard drugs, disease and death slowly entering our system, then we blame the world, or God, for all sorts of illnesses. We’re slowly committing suicide to show those who don’t care to listen to our problems just how angry we are, we seek attention but we never ask for help, yet we can’t stand still without attempting to annihilate ourselves in some slow way. Life seems unfair to us, and we begin to drown in our own distorted mentality, our thoughts become the voice of anxiety, constantly haunting us, even in our sleep, in dreams. We have to stay busy since we’ve created a constant cloud of stress in our minds, so we can’t be at rest even when we lie in bed at the end of the day. We can’t sit in silence, no matter what we do, we can’t find peace since the noise is all inside our heads, it follows us around everywhere we go. We are only harming ourselves in the end, not the society we try to pin the blame on. No one is responsible for your life, no one can steer it in the right direction or make the changes you need to make for yourself. You whine that life is too hard, that the system is corrupt, that you were born into poverty or dealt a shit hand from the beginning. These are all excuses, your life is no harder than it’s meant to be. If you are facing some problem then it’s because you have the power within yourself to persevere and to push through that problem.  Anger and discontent with life have us unconsciously seeking to take revenge on society, yet succeeding at harming no one more than ourselves. Why worry about death if we feel we’re already in hell? But we fail to see the blessing, the option to learn a lesson from everything we experience. In the pessimist’s eyes, everything is void, empty with no meaning, but that’s exactly why you must give meaning to your own life, by taking responsibility for it. The ultimate meaning of life? Don’t waste the days away wondering about absolute truth, the truth is in every task you haven’t completed, or in every rhyme you haven’t laid down in the booth, if I’m speaking to myself, in every thought I haven’t gotten down on this page just yet. Do what needs to be done, and stop wishing for another task. If you want a better future, you should have lived a different past. But alas, nothing lasts. Is it too painful to bear? Or is this the greatest, most liberating truth that we could ever share? Everything is nothing, nothing is all. Goodness is all that exists, the image of God is the human blueprint. God dwells in the temple, all we need to do is enter the holy vessel we’ve been blessed with from birth. We shouldn’t ignore it, or neglect it, we should value it for what it’ worth. Look at the truth in front of your eyes! Love your wife, hug your mother, bless your brother, be there for one another, respect and learn from your father. Even if they’re not the best of parents, we all can learn a lesson from the family we enter the world into. A lot of us are born into first hand experience of why we shouldn’t do some of the horrible things we shouldn’t do. Why do you suffer and not I? Why do I suffer and not you now? It is irrelevant, since we are all bound to suffer during this human lifetime. We are all one, we are all laughing in the now, just as we are all crying in agony. Everything present, we are being born and dying. Nothing lasts forever, except the One Spirit which returns to the source. Call it what you like, but it’s attributes are love and wisdom. Seek affinity with this higher power and you cannot be led astray. Do what you know to be right, and cherish every single day, live it to the fullest. Because nothing lasts forever, seasons change with the weather. Life stages, each is a flip through our lifetime’s pages. We grow old and get sick and wonder what age is. But don’t be dragged down with your body, remain grounded, courage is contagious. Face the pain, face the tragedy with all the strength within you, and it just might become a comedy. Trust in the highest power within you, yet be humble and have faith, and the pain will pass. Pleasure passes, pain passes, but what is eternal, everlasting within each of us, will endure forever.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 68: Be Thankful for Life.

Remember to be thankful for all the blessings in your life. I just want to take this day to get some personal thanks down, a lot of things I’m thankful for, things I couldn’t do without. I’m thankful because I’m blessed, as we all are, I’m thankful that my life hasn’t been too rough, although I’m also thankful for the problems I’ve faced and for the lessons I’ve learned from them, both the easy and the hard way. I’m thankful for my family and few real friends who have always supported me through those problems, and I’m thankful for having had the inner strength to endure past trials and tribulations. I’m thankful that I have my health, I hope it can stay this way, and although sickness and disease scare the hell out of me, I hope I can remain grateful for life even if something should ever happen. I’m thankful that most of my family are healthy, for the most part, and I’m thankful because I have so many honest and real people in my family who I can look up to. I sometimes wish that I could live like they do, that I could be as correct as them in every aspect of life, but then I remember that I’m thankful for being myself, exactly as I am. I’m thankful for my mother and my father, two amazing people who raised my two brothers with unconditional love and much more. I’m thankful that I still have them by my side, and that I always will. I couldn’t be happier about the way our relationship is progressing, so I’m thankful that those old stressful days are behind us now, and that we can move on as a family. I’m thankful for life in general, for the diversity and the difference, for the depth and the significance of seemingly random events, I’m thankful for my wonderful wife and for the pure love we’ve come to share together. I’m thankful for every day we spend together at our little house here in Honduras. I’m thankful for my grandparents who are letting us stay at their property, I thank God for my family’s generosity and their unconditional love and support, their wise advice. I’m thankful for my gift of writing, of creating music, of rapping. I’m thankful for my body, I know that it’s my responsibility to take care of it, to use it in the right ways and as a tool to achieve the right purposes. I’m thankful for whatever amount of discernment I possess, and I’m so thankful for the little bit of self-control I’ve begun to have recently after much work, failure and trying again, after setting numerous goals, rearranging days, planning weeks out, letting go of things I think I need. I’m thankful for consciousness, for simply being alive, for my legs and feet, for being able to walk slowly down the street, enjoying a song on my headphones on a sunny day. I thank God for creation, for nature, for the sun and the moon, for the planets and the stars and the sky above. I’m thankful for the ocean, for the seas, for the sand, the beach, the dirt, air we all breathe. I’m thankful for every obstacle in my way, since it presents an opportunity to grow. I’m thankful for every single thing I’ve gone through, for every memory, for every random event as well as everything I ever chose to do, I’m thankful for it all, since it’s all made me who I am. I’m thankful for being me, but I’m also thankful that you are you, that he is he and that she is she. I’m glad that we’re all here, that we can read, we can write, we can learn and philosophize. I’m thankful that I can wake up in the morning and enjoy a tasty breakfast, that I can plan my day with optimism. I’m thankful for the cool breeze, I’m thankful for the rain for the plants need it and we need the plants. I’m thankful for the innocence of newborn babies, for animals and their variations. I thank God for the mystery of life, and for all there is to figure out. I’m thankful that I’m not God, or some all-powerful being, that I do not hold the responsibility of the whole world or universe on my shoulders. I humble myself and I am thankful for it, since I know I am an instrument in life, although I have free will. How can we understand this? We cannot possibly comprehend such a concept with earthly understanding, and I am thankful for it. I love life as it is, I am thankful because I’m still me. Should I cry and complain all the time because I haven’t reach a completely selfless, or impersonal state? Should I practice all sorts of severe austerities, should i neglect my body and starve myself to death, should I despise all that is in this physical realm? I am thankful for my life on this planet, no matter what its ultimate meaning may be, I am thankful that I have the opportunity to live this life. We all have the power to create the lives we wish to live. We are all born in different circumstances, and for some it may prove more difficult than for others to reach their dreams, but perhaps the hardships were just what we needed in order to grow into the people we needed to be so that we could succeed at that new stage of life we are sure to enter into once we do realize our greatest dreams. Accept the reality and the unpredictability of life, be thankful for it. Would you be interested in watching a movie if there are no problems, nothing to resolve? What if you already knew everything that would happen also? Life is unpredictable because we have a say in what happens, and if we want to live in freedom then we have to assume responsibility for our actions, and we have to be willing to pay the consequences. Be thankful for the life that even allows you the opportunity to live and to choose otherwise, to be thankful or the hate life.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 69.

~ Rebel Spirit 

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 67: We All Breathe the Same Air.

Another day of living, taking and giving. We take with every inhale, we give back with every exhale. There is no escaping this until we stop breathing and leave this earth. We all breathe the same air while we’re here so we are all brothers and sisters, and we must start to live by this truth rather than just talk or debate about it. Philosophizing is great, and it is in fact necessary, but if every truth of life is reduced to just an idea, which can either be accepted or discarded, then we have to wonder about the utility of our philosophy. The truth that we are all connected is evident to all of us, it is not a great hidden mystery. It is a truth that we can’t just talk about, we must feel it, we must understand it, we must put it into practice at all times. Whenever a new possibility arises, or any new situation, we are quick to look for whatever we can gain from it. Too often however, we completely overlook another even more important aspect of it, which is what we can give, what we can contribute to any given situation or project. Life itself, the world, society, these are the biggest projects we have going on on this planet, and if we were born here, if we find ourselves alive right now, it’s because we have something to contribute to them. Whether you believe in God or not, if you believe that life has any meaning at all, any deep significance, then there must be a meaning for you being born in the family you were born in, in the city and the country you were born in. Regardless of what your religion might teach, regardless of the metaphysical implications of your belief about life, we all find ourselves alive, in this life, in this crazy world, not really knowing why. We are all trying to live our lives as best as we can, all trying to make sense of the events which happen all around us every day, to integrate them into our lives, to learn what we can so that we may live life better every day. Life is about falling down and getting back up time and time again, it’s about failing, learning from our failures, and then moving forward with our new knowledge, trying to do better tomorrow. None of us have it all figured out, but a lot of us love pretending that we do. We love acting as if we have all the answers, since this makes us feel somewhat secure of our position in life. We look down at others who don’t have it all figured out like we firmly believe we do, and we stop associating with people since we don’t want to be dragged down to their level, or we don’t think they have anything to contribute to our lives. When we do this, we stop ask for help when we need it, and we don’t try to help others either, we never consider the possibility that anyone else might have any way to help us with anything. We isolate ourselves in a comfortable bubble, we focus all our time on trying to improve our own lives, and we ignore all the ways in which we could help all those around us. The problem with this is that we can never truly progress if we neglect the social aspect of our nature. We are all social creatures, we were all born with the capacity to interact because we are meant to interact, we are meant to build together, we are meant to help each other up when we fall. Things work much better this way. It is something that has been proven time and time again, something that we all know, yet we continue trying to live our lives on our own terms, never listening to any advice, never stepping out of our comfort zone to help anyone in need. When enough people start living like this, others begin to sense it. People feel vulnerable, like they can’t trust their neighbors, they can’t trust the teachers, the cops, the politicians, the police. But who are these politicians and police? Who are the criminals and the terrorists? They are people like us, breathing, living people. So, as we start to feel suspicious about our government and also about the criminals, about the terrorists as well as the police, then we are really starting not to trust humanity as a whole. We all try to get ahead, and in our desperation to get ahead, we are quick to step on others to get what we want. We worry only for ourselves, and it is easy for us to ignore the pain we have caused others as long as we can enjoy the benefits we got from it ourselves. We never take into consideration that, with every dishonest act, with everything we do to harm others and benefit ourselves, we help create an atmosphere of hostility, of distrust, an environment in which no one can rely on anyone else. Since more and more people start feeling this way, they also start acting out of desperation and fear, they start to “understand” that the world is a wicked place, that people only look out for themselves, no matter where we go, and that if we want to survive, we will have to do the same. So many of us have adopted this attitude, and because of that it’s almost impossible to fully trust anyone these days. This is really a sad state of affairs, since our whole society runs on trust, and the more we feel that we are isolated from everyone else, the more we feel that we don’t need anyone else to live life, that we don’t need to connect with anyone else, the more we will contribute to the downfall of civilization by helping to sever the connections between human beings. Before you do anything, before you start any new project, take a moment to remember that life is not only about taking, but also about giving. Think of what you can do to make a difference in someone’s life, even if it’s a small, positive difference. We all have to start somewhere, and maybe we can reverse some of the damage that has already been done.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 68.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 66: Life Is A Learning Process.

Life is a constant learning process. The ups and downs, trials and tribulations, the highs and lows that make up our lives, they can all be looked at and appreciated, if we can achieve such a state of mind, as the necessary pieces of the puzzle which makes us who we are. Life is about putting all the pieces together, about connecting all the dots in the right order, in order to see the bigger picture eventually. Life is really about trial and error, although we can learn beforehand about the things we consciously choose to become involved in. Some things just happen though, or at least we have no clue why they’re happening. Sometimes we have no way to prepare for such a situation, and in these cases learning happens on the spot. We have no choice but to learn. In reality, we learn from everything we experience, consciously and subconsciously, we are always learning, always changing into something new. We are never the same person, every passing second changes us in a profound way, even if we don’t experience the change in progress. Small changes that take a second give way to big changes that happen throughout a lifetime. Pain comes and passes, we curse and we cry, joy comes and we rejoice, but we cry when it leaves. We are relieved when the pain passes, and we appreciate life a little more, but for how long? Is it only a temporary feeling? Too often this is the case. We often overlook all the blessings in our lives by being too caught up in complaining. By focusing on the negative aspect of everything, we fail to be thankful for, or to even acknowledge, all the wonderful things in our lives, and we also fail to see how any positive result could come from the things that seem like total tragedies to us. The biggest problems in our lives are the ones that we could learn the most from, but too many of us are too afraid to do this, and we are also too afraid to even acknowledge our own cowardice. If we could dive deep into our despair, if we could stare sorrow in the face and smile at it, if we could master our emotions and all the thoughts that run daily through our minds, we could probably do a lot more learning, and a lot less complaining than we currently do. We could dig for gold in our problems if only we changed our attitude. We could trace the cause of every problem we face, and we would see that it starts with us, and that a change must therefore start with us as well, with nobody else. If we refuse to learn, if we run from distraction to distraction, hoping to avoid looking at the truth of our lives, we still will not be able to avoid learning completely. We can choose not to learn now, by discernment, but we will surely learn our lesson later, only we will have to learn it the hard way, probably not under very pleasurable circumstances. Life has a way of catching up to us, and there’s no escape from fate. We have free will to create our lives, but if we act out of ignorance, if we don’t know what knowledge even means, then are we really making conscious decisions, are we really free men and women? We talk way too much, and we all think we have the answer, we are all self-righteous in some way, and I’m not excluding myself. We all have to fight a constant battle, one that’s even more important, more intense, than any battle against external forces. We are all facing an inner battle against demonic forces, evils such as lust, greed, hate, jealousy, ambition beyond any reason. These are all things that are bound to lead to catastrophe if they are not placed under the power of the Spirit, or at least under the power of reason or common sense, which might not be enough. If we are not aware of this, then how can we even think of starting to learn about how to be free? How can we try to learn to live life if we think it is meaningless, if we think that nothing really matters and that life is just a constant quest for the most pleasurable feeling, for the highest high or the craziest thrill? We must do away with these ignorant notions. Life is meaningful beyond human comprehension, and we can learn something from everything. We can learn from good and from evil, we can learn from the kind and we can learn from the wicked, we can learn what is right and what is not right, we can learn from our parents, we can learn from priests or from politicians, we can learn from books or from crooks. Who we learn from often plays a big role in who we become in life, but the wisest teacher of them all is life itself. No matter who we choose to learn from in life, be it professionally or just in general, about life, no one can teach us like life can. Life is the master of life, it knows all there is to know about it, because it is life itself. The more we understand the deep significance of life, the more we try to connect with it, to really live and to feel it, to feel fully alive, the easier it becomes to understand life, to understand how to incorporate everything, the good and the bad, into our lives, how to keep calm and continue to move forward, how to trust in God, in life, and how to leave worry behind. We were not meant to live in fear or worry, so we must focus on living our lives as best as possible and on learning the most we can from every day we are blessed to live through. The first step is to humble ourselves and to accept that we don’t know much at all, that we are the humble students of life from now on.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 67.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 65: All Work and No Play Makes Jack A Dull Boy.

Sometimes we think we’re the only ones who know how to really live life. We laugh at others who spend time thinking about or working on other things, things we personally could care less about. But we all have things we are interested in, and we all like to spend our time differently. We are free to do as we wish, all of us, and it is only natural that all of us would like to spend our time differently, seeing as how we are all very different and unique people. It’s true that some things are more productive than others, but who says that all activities have to be productive anyway? Some activities are done just to have fun, such as most games for example. Some games teach things as well, but the main idea behind a game is just to have fun. Some games allow us to win, or to lose, while some games are endless, they can’t be beat, and some are for one player, while some are for multiple players, so we see that the main purpose of a game is not always competition, it is simply to allow a person to have fun. Is there anything wrong with games because they are not leading up to anything productive? Are they simply a childish distraction from life? Not at all. We all love games, from small children all the way to elderly people. Babies are basically born playing, and whenever I visit my grandparents they’re diligently trying to fill in all the blanks of the newspaper’s Sudoku or crossword puzzle. Games like these are actually quite productive, since they allow us to exercise our thinking, as well our problem-solving abilities. It was actually a game of Sudoku which I played today, a game I’ve never seriously played before, which got me thinking about writing about this today. It was challenging, and I really had to use my brain. It took me quite a long time to fill in all the blanks. If we make a habit of doing such an activity every day then we will be sharpening our minds without a doubt. But apart from these productive games, there are many other games which, as we’ve mentioned, are not so productive. Should the playing of such games be avoided or kept to a minimum? In a way yes, but in a way no. I was never much of a gamer, but my youngest brother David really loves video games, and has a number of different consoles with different kinds of games for each one. My dad is always nagging him about reading a book, and sometimes I jump in as well and mention the fact that reading is a great way to learn about life and the world, but I feel bad because I don’t want to make it seem like gaming is an inferior activity, like he’s wasting his time by having fun. It’s true that we can become addicted to video games, that we can dedicate way more time than necessary to our progress in any game, but the games themselves cannot be blamed. We need to look at the attitude of the player. Everything in life requires balance, so it’s not good to do nothing but play. But the opposite is also true, since people who avoid all kinds of fun and games and are completely obsessed with study, or philosophy, or religion, or with any other scholarly subject, are often missing out on a lot of joy in life. Such people are usually attempting to cut fun out of their lives since they feel that it is a necessary sacrifice, one which they are willing to make in order to finally achieve that great success they are dreaming about. Not everyone can reach the greatest heights however. Many people go through life despising all the good things they’ve been blessed with. They can’t stop to play with their children, they can’t have a fun moment with their wife or husband, and they can’t let their children be children either, since they are always trying to get them to grow up. Other parents never teach their kids responsibility, and this is a great mistake, but to teach nothing but discipline with no time for fun is not good at all either. When I decided to stop drinking and smoking excessively, to start reading philosophical and spiritual books, to start meditating and trying to live life right, I unfortunately became a bit obsessed for a time. I was sick of my old life, and I knew that I needed to make radical changes in my life in order for me to really be able to change, in order to see some real results. The discipline was definitely needed, but one thing which I regret is having been so uptight about it in the beginning. I desperately wanted to change, and so I hoped to spend every second of the day meditating, reading, learning, watching documentaries, etc, and I started to look down at the world, as if everyone everywhere is always wasting time, as if people are simply passing the time without doing anything productive. I felt like this had been my life up until then, drinking and partying and wasting time, so I saw nothing but that in people’s lives. I was bothering my wife about playing too many games on the iPad, I was complaining to her, asking why she doesn’t like to read more, or isn’t more interested in spiritual or philosophical subjects. Everyone has their path to walk, and learning to live life right should not cause us to become more serious than it is good to be, it shouldn’t turn life into one long sacrifice, and it should not cause us to look down at other people simply because they don’t choose to spend their time in the same way as us. Sometimes all we need to do is to stop worrying, to sit back and relax, and to play a game and forget about the stress.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 66.

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 64: Being Free of External Opinions.

What does it take, to be free of others opinions, to truly be oneself, yet to remain grounded in reason? What would it feel like, to be able to do everything with complete certainty, with zero insecurity, knowing that we’re not making a grave mistake? What if we knew the way, if we knew each and every step we needed to take? I have a feeling that life would seem just a bit controlled, kind of fake. Should we embrace insecurity, doubt, fear? These things are what keep us alert, but we cant’ give in to either one of them. Nothing can harm us when we are truly grounded, even further beyond than reason, but if we are not, then these things are bound to paralyze us. The way others wish we would live our lives, what society expects of us, what parents or relatives, brothers or significant others want us to do, who they would like us to be. Great expectations which at times we have no desire to even attempt to live up to. Yet the nagging feeling persists, the anxiety, the constant indecision that makes something inside our bellies twist, when we face a big decision. But what if we could embrace it, then we might just be able to use it to our advantage. If we can master fear, if we can truly learn to trust the process of life, then we might just find that we have enough peace of mind, enough motivation, enough concentration, in order to think things through, in order to get things done, in order to see things more clearly. As long as we are drowning in our fears, of events of the past that still manage to haunt us, of future possibilities for tragedy, for chaos. We fear change, we fear death, we fear people and the things they say and do, what they think of us, what they might do to us. What if we were free of all preconceived notions about people and what they might be thinking, what their ulterior motives might be, and about what the world is and how it should be? Could we live healthier lives, would there be less people who can’t cope with the stress of life in modern society? Could there be less mental as well as physical illness? We can’t ever find peace in life and we often wonder why, but most of the time what we’re missing is just honesty, sincerity, the courage to be totally honest with ourselves. We can’t do this because we are terrified of change, especially the positive kind. We are afraid to look within and to face our demons, so we pass the time, and we never bother to even try to understand what life is all about, to wonder about who or what we are as a species, what our collective purpose might be for existing, or what your own individual purpose or mission might be. We want things to be easy, but life isn’t easy. We can’t avoid the hardships of life, we can only prepare for them. This doesn’t mean that life is evil, that the world is a hostile place, but it does mean that we have to remain as aware as possible at all times, that we have to stay alert. We have to keep a constant watch for the evil within ourselves, so that we may practice the necessary self-restraint in order to live a balanced life, in order to allow others to do the same, and to speak nothing but life to whoever we encounter. If we fear the opinions of others, if we fear the possibilities of being ridiculed, of being persecuted, then we cannot speak our minds. If we are not aware of what the truth is, if we do not have a code to live by, if we don’t have the smallest idea of who or what we are or what we stand for, what we agree with or not, what we allow into our lives, then life will carry us this way and that way, into trouble here, into problems there, and we will complain and wonder why it all seems to happen to us. We never stood up for anything in our lives, we never bothered to try, to find a meaning to life, or to create one. We gave up, we gave in to temptation, to laziness, to discouragement, we never bothered to make things make sense, or to find the inherent sense in the events of our lives. Another mistake some people make however, is that they think that are free of others opinions, and they think they are being themselves, but in reality the only reason why they feel free to be themselves is because their identity revolves around being funny or cracking jokes, or doing things that make them popular in the eyes of others, whether those things are correct or not. Such a person often disregards morality and acts in evil ways in order to impress others, or to fit in, or to prove to others how crazy or cool they are. In time, these people start to identify with the image they are attempting to portray, and they start to believe that they truly are that image. If they ever tried to look within themselves and tried to live by the principles they would find in their hearts then they would find it a lot more difficult to be free in the world. The world seldom wants the truth, it often wants only what is comfortable. People want to hear what they want to hear, they want to be distracted, they want to be entertained. Who can be bothered with the truth in this day and age of transitory pleasures? What purpose can the truth serve when all we want is to be comfortable in the lies we’ve fabricated? It’s a sad state to be in, and we all must be honest with ourselves about whether this is the way we are living or not, and if so, then we must each find a way to rise above this mentality.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 65.

~ Rebel Spirit 

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 63: You Are My Everything (Poem).

What a nice night, what a life, it just feel so right. What a day to rejoice, a divinely granted right, walking alongside my beautiful wife. What a sight to behold, what a wonderful choice, feeling higher than a child’s kite. Flying in the wind, as I spend my time with the one I love, in twenty-two minutes it’ll be two years, which we’ll celebrate, blowing clouds of chronic as we elevate, together as lovers, we hug and kiss each other, promise to be there forever, like I said in the song I dedicated to her, through whatever weather, I put nothing above her. When I’m feeling down, she makes me feel better. We never hide a thing from each other, never, ever. No secrets, and when we make a promise we’ll be sure to keep it. Pure sincerity, integrity, and loyalty, these are the keys, to the creation of commitment and trust, of communication, so that we can feel at ease, in each other’s presence, remaining fully focused on the present, contemplating on the shortness of life, but never letting our love lessen, even if some call it an illusion, and in fact there’s something higher, true love and companionship are the greatest things one can possibly acquire, on this Earth, above money and gold. I see the face of my beloved, a beautiful sight to behold, so nice, I have to state it twice, at least, but I tell her every second, a wonder to reckon, at every minute, true love is overwhelming when we’re in it. Constantly teaching me so many valuable lessons, nothing short of a blessing, bestowed from the heavens, I wish to be with my lady twenty-four seven. Connection is what we all crave, and my wish was granted, even when I never expressed it, even suppressed it, repressed it, I can’t understand it. I thought I was a lone wolf, alone against the world. I never had the thought of settling down with a girl. I thought I had no need, I thought I could get along in life simply by staying high on weed, higher than the rest, thought I don’t need the lies and the stress, the cheating, the breaking up and necessary memory deleting, that is bound to follow, the empty feeling, hollow, all the pain and sorrow. I’d rather spend it mastering my mind, meditating, reading, but you came through and showed me that there’s love within a soul, who lives in simplicity, you were like an angel sent to visit me, I still believe it’s possible, I thank God together we can conquer every obstacle, and fly to the moon and the planets, the stars, For you I’d trade the riches and the fame, being a star, being known, when I’m with you, wherever we go, I’m truly home, You softened up a heart that seemed to be hard as a stone, as a rock. As you rocked my world, delightful in every way, an exciting energy which I knew needed to stay, with me, to love and care for, now I’m carefree, taking up responsibility but still I’m feeling free. A challenge which I chose to take, I made no mistake since the reward is beyond great, I get to see your pretty face from the moment I awake, in life we give and we take, but I want to give you my all. It’s like we both heard the sound and didn’t hesitate to pick up love’s call, which united our paths, now these years have passed, filled with love, filled with laughs, hugging and kissing, before that we were far away, missing, each other’s touch, now we never have to go back to such, a situation, our unification’s a holy representation of the unity of polarity, selfless love, compassion and charity, forever giving, we ignite the flame in each other’s hearts that keeps us living, keeping it beating, keeping it strong, when you speak it seems to me like the most beautiful love song. So speak to me now, as we walk and we stroll, on the sidewalk, hand in hand, but connected even in soul, both of us hoping for eternity, but simply watching history unfold, as we provide each other with heat and cold, and support each other as we eventually grow old. Love is patient, kind and bold, we can help each other change, and grow, into who we were meant to be. I help you and you help me. True commitment and care, these are things we must appreciate and proactively share. We must cultivate the love and the trust in order to one day exterminate the hate for good, down to ashes and dust. I feel the love as we spend our days together, you and I, I wish everyone can have the chance to experience true love, what it is to be unified. I pray for this to God above, to bestow love upon all the earth’s people, so that we may all have something to live for, so we can all despise evil. How can we promote evil when it could affect those dear to us? How can we lie and cheat when we truly need somebody we can trust? I look at the rivers, the trees, look out at the vast blue seas, at the oceans, I think of society and all its chaos and commotion. I think, I think, I come to no conclusion. I only seem to come to confusion, stress and fatigue orchestrate a successful intrusion, into my consciousness, I start to think I’m only meant for less, as I’m overwhelmed by the world, it causes me fear and stress. But then I find myself at home, alone, with you beside me, a king in his throne, with my queen by my side, and everything is love, it’s where I reside. Everything disappears, the hate and the fear, and even when we’re far away I always long to hold you near. You are my biggest source of happiness, and one of the few reasons I’d ever shed tears. You are the reason I would scream, or the reason I could always sing. You are my life, my love, you are my everything.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 64.

~ EJASC

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 62: The Beast Within (Poem).

We look to the West as well as to the East, but like that line in Hotel California, we just can’t find or kill the beast. We have no choice but to look around at all the insanity, the inhumanity, we create behavior patterns to drown it out as we focus on nothing but vanity, never aware, to say the least. We speak for no real reason, insults, profanities, of every kind and meaning, with no other purpose but to be detrimentally demeaning, every day it seems like the destruction is increased, while instruction is decreased. Instead of being the prophets of purpose we choose to be the catalysts of calamity, it’s chaos in the streets, and within the home and family, within the church, the priests. Corruption in every corner of the known earth, we trade our integrity for petty pleasures, so far from acknowledging what life is really worth. We can’t practice restraint, the beast is within us but we just can’t recognize it, we can’t. It makes us act out of unconsciousness, as if we were to faint. We can’t spot it, but we know it’s there, never stopping, popping narcotics, feeling like we’ve gone psychotic even though we ain’t. The vices, on the TV, the internet, the nicest, cars, clothes, we have to look our best for God knows, who, we don’t even know why we even do what we do. We’re happy with the farce, too tired for whatever’s true. Since truth requires effort, or at least to look inside of you, within and yet beyond, feel this life to the fullest but understand and be humbled by the fact that soon you will be gone. Life is priceless, an opportunity to live and to grow, to compare and to know, to share and to give, once again, to simply live, to learn the balance between resisting the system and going with the flow. Why should we fail at the ultimate goal? Open your eyes to the beauty, behold! Only when you’ve entered the realms of the soul. Leave behind the negativity of mind, life isn’t a race so you can’t fall behind. Understand that in each way we all have to shine, like stars in the darkness, we’re each just a line, in the great universal song of love, God’s mantra, repeated at every second, giving birth to cells, to planets, to heavens and hells. While we study how sex sells, we’re in the market for the money. We don’t know a single thing about who or what we are, is it funny? Or is it sad? Is God my own Spirit, my true Self, or is he something more like my cosmic dad? Why don’t I try to connect with Him so that I can inquire? Or should I just stick to faith and forget the questions, lest I be burnt for eternity in the lake of fire? I’m glad I’ve started, I’d like to kill my ignorance before I myself have departed, before my earthly life has expired, before I leave this carnal world of desires, I’d like to slay the Beast, to feed my Spirit, not only my body, to push myself to excel at what I want to the least. To push past comfort, past the zone of no progression, to leave behind attachment to greed, and thereby to aggression. Slavery is the system of society, security must never become a reality lest we run out of things to sell. We thrive off the pain of others, we’re quick to backstab those we’ve called brothers, just for a few dollars and cents, then we wonder why life seems like hell, never making sense. We’ve created this mess, we never stop to truly question, honestly, why we can’t shake the stress. We see the lives of others and we think our lives are less, like the grass is always greener, so we see the world as enemies, as competition, and as our perception is gradually affected the world seems to get meaner and meaner, by the day, until we no longer want to see or say anything to anyone. Darkness covers our thoughts like we’ve covered the sun. Self-medication, blurry lines between that and fun, recreation, we’ll see our mistakes too late, the train has left the station. We spent a lifetime just dodging preoccupation, but amassing more, unconsciously, as if we’re filling up a store. Except we give everything back for free, the destruction, the toxicity, we spew it out to the planet, we just do it, we don’t have to plan it. We’re consumed by confusion, always feeling crazy, a feeling creeps up of lethargy, feeling lazy. Where’s the motivation, when life is so cruel? We’d rather spend a lifetime trying to be cool, to climb the corporate ladder, to jump from one distraction to the next, ignoring the things that truly matter. Can’t find concentration, our thoughts all scattered, trying to find satisfaction in repetitive and meaningless actions, in acquiring possessions, we try to control and mold the things around us with aggression, try to find a sense of meaning in starting a fight, since we’re facing inner demons that prevent us from seeing the light. Life is full of responsibility, although it’s a precious right. Don’t throw it away because years pass by in the blink of an eye as quick as a wild drunken night. So don’t ignore the blessings you’ve been granted, take nothing for granted and constantly water the seeds of love which you’ve already planted. Allow love to grow in your heart, love for God and for all creation, God’s masterpiece work of art. Life wouldn’t be the way it is if we weren’t equipped well enough to handle it, to deal with it. Life has its highs and lows, the pain comes and it goes, just like people, I know it’s rough but we’re being real with it. So don’t waste a second, be aware at all times. I just hope that I can properly channel this message through these rhymes.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 63.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 61: Let Go of What You’re Attached To.

Today’s my second day in a row without bud. In case you didn’t know, I’m a daily toker, I have been for many years now. In the past few years I’ve started experimenting with setting goals for myself, daily goals as well as long-term goals. One example is my goal with alcohol. Back in the days I used to drink way too much, and it was causing problems in my life, so I finally decided that something needed to be done. I didn’t want to stop, and every day it was so easy to just walk on over to the corner store and grab a six pack, especially in the infernal Honduras heat as we getting home from work, no longer in the comfort of the air conditioning. In the midst of a painful hangover, since they got worse and worse over the years, I’d always swear I’d never drink again. I had no need for it, I would say, I felt guilty or ashamed about possibly, very likely, having acted like an idiot the night before, and I didn’t want the situation to repeat itself. No more drinking, I’ll be a new man. These were my thoughts, but once the hangover went away, the cravings always came back. The problem is drinking to excess, but why not just have a beer or two? That refreshing cold taste, that initial euphoria and overall relaxed feeling, they were too nice to pass up, especially since everyone I know from work loves to drink. I don’t know many other people here, but wherever we find ourselves these days, usually most people love to drink anyway. It’s a socially acceptable destructive habit. I didn’t pay much attention to all my promises to stop drinking, but over time I did a lot of reflection, along with some powerful psychedelic trips which really showed me the desperate situation I was in, and so I built up the courage to get started on an abstinence goal. I started out with just five days, and I promised my wife Maria that I would stick to the five days no matter how I felt. She’s not a drinker at all, so she’s always been such great support and motivation for me on this particular goal, although she always supports me with all of the goals I set for myself. Sure enough, when I talked about forgetting the goal and having a beer she was there to remind me that I was the one who set the goal in the first place because I really thought I needed it, that I had been the one who asked her to support me with it even if I tried to back down, and that it would only be five days anyway, that I was strong enough to succeed. I did succeed, I didn’t drink for five days. Then I drank again, but this time I was ready, after a week or two of drinking, to do a ten day goal. I did it, and although I always did drink after the goal was over, I felt like each time I completed a goal, each time I stuck to the plan and practiced self-control instead of just giving in to temptation, I was getting a bit closer to freedom, I was leaving the need for alcohol behind. I no longer partied at this point, so I would just drink at home, waking up to a complete mess the next day. This went away, and the longer my no-drinking goal was, the longer I was able to spend uninterrupted peace of mind. My mind was much clearer, I didn’t have such negative thoughts floating around in my head, I felt less pains all throughout my body, less stomach problems, and I got to save up not only the money I used to spend on beers, but also the money I’d spend on all the dumb shit I’d buy after drinking beers. Fast forward to today, I’m three days away from reaching a hundred days, although the goal is two hundred. I previously completed a goal of a hundred days without drinking, it was my last goal. I drink when it ended, yes, but this time much more moderately than I used to. Now, halfway through my two hundred day goal, I honestly have days when I really feel like I could go on for the rest of my life without drinking, like I really don’t need to drink ever again, it just adds nothing to my life anymore. I really hope this mentality persists when I finish this goal, but I’ll probably do a bit of drinking before I start with the next goal. The good thing is that at least my attitude towards alcohol has drastically changed due to these experiments. As for the bud, which is what I started out by talking about, it’s a bit of a different story. Although smoking anything is harmful to the lungs in one way or another, weed is not really much of a problem, as far as cancer and things like that go. Either way though, I recently started using a vaporizer, but the real reason for me setting a goal of abstinence from cannabis for a while is due to my attitude towards it. Unlike alcohol, weed isn’t really a substance which I’m really looking to eventually remove from my life for good. On the contrary, I love bud and will probably use it until I grow old. The problem is not the weed, the problem is my attachment. It’s hard to admit at times, since we want to continue using or doing whatever we are attached to, but any kind of attachment is not healthy for us, and that truth cannot be escaped. Whether it’s weed, or money, or food, or whatever it is, if we are constantly in need of it and we don’t feel okay without it then we are attached. My goal with the bud is to cut down quite drastically for now, from blazing every day, to blazing only 15 days of each month, so basically half the month. This is the first month that I’m doing this experiment, and I blazed up until the tenth day of the month. I stopped on the eleventh and today, but when it gets to 12am I’ll blaze, and I can’t wait, only about fourteen minutes more until the new day. This weekend is directly leading up to my anniversary with Maria, our two year marriage anniversary, so we have to blaze this weekend for sure, and on Monday, which is the actual day. This will mean I’ll have gotten stoned for thirteen days of the month, leaving only two days for me to blaze, and about 15 days left of the month. I’m not looking forward to those five-day intervals without blazing, but the time has come to begin with this goal which I’ve been thinking of starting for quite a while. I already promised Maria anyway, and I can’t break that promise I made to her, so it helps to keep me accountable.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 62.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 60: Look For the Answer Within Yourself.

Sometimes it feels like nothing makes sense. Sometimes we feel tired, or angry, and we don’t know why, we just feel like something’s wrong, and we wish we could find out exactly what the problem is. We try to pass the time, to think about other things, to stay busy, or to sleep. We try to distract ourselves by any means necessary since we can’t simply sit, alone with our discomfort, we can’t accept that it’s there for a reason, so that we can find out what that reason really is. In order to find out why we feel the discomfort we do, why we feel stressed or depressed or frustrated, we need to acknowledge that there’s a reason why we feel this way. Feelings don’t just come out of nowhere, and most of the time we are unconscious of the things that we do, or that happen in our lives, that cause us to feel certain emotions during the course of each day. We don’t observe our feelings, we simply feel bored so we find a way to kill time, or we feel stressed so we find some way to distract ourselves, to get caught up in the moment so that we don’t have to think. This may be the very root of our problem, the fact that we are not fully transparent to ourselves. We might think that we know ourselves, that we know what really makes us who we are, what we stand for, why we think or feel the way we do, but the truth is that we know very little about ourselves, about how our thoughts and emotions work or where they come from. It’s very easy to believe our own lies when they are comforting, when they prevent us from making the changes we need to be making in our lives. Usually we don’t even know that this is going on, since very few of us even take a few minutes of each day to sit in silence, to reflect. So many of us have unresolved issues which are subconsciously sabotaging our lives, issues which we are too afraid to face, which we have been too afraid to face for far too long, and which are now wreaking havoc in our lives without us being aware of it. We’ve ignored our problems for so long that we’ve finally forgotten that they are there. Forgetting about our problems won’t make them go away however, it will only make us unable to deal with them. What we need to do is to find time to go deep inside, to find time to simply be, to know the essence of what it means to be alive, to be ourselves, by ourselves, without any external influence, keeping our awareness away from desires and ambitions, from attachments and aversions, and focusing on that which we know is the highest truth, the highest good which exists. All of us have some form of understanding of this, it is an intuition which is within us. We need to stop ignoring our intuition, we need to find time to be alone with it, we need to pray, to meditate, to be at peace, to let go of any past evil which has been committed by us or against us, and to be at peace, just here and now, understanding that now is all that there is, and that we can only begin to live correctly now if we come to terms with the past, and if we can let go of our pain, of our hate, of our desire for things to be different, and to reach a point where we are now free to enjoy the blessings of each moment, without pressure. Problems often seem too big for us to overcome, but it’s often because we don’t even know where the problems stem from. We are under too much pressure, too much stress, we are not in a position to find out what the source of our problems are, let alone to get to work on fixing it. We have to stop looking for external solutions to problems which we can’t even pinpoint, and instead we need to focus completely on the inner, on slowing down and on analyzing our lives up until now, on bringing peace to our minds and lives. We need to stop frantically searching for an answer, and we need to simply stop ignoring that which we know to be right. The solution to our problems doesn’t have to be too complicated, but if we never bother to look in the right place, in that place within our very souls, then we will never find it no matter how far we may travel, no matter how dedicated we may be to our search. If we keep on ignoring those things which make us uncomfortable, if we keep on attempting to fill the void, to fill the silence, with all sorts of pointless noise, with useless and even harmful activities, we will never find the answer, we will never find true satisfaction. This is a message to everyone who is feeling completely frustrated by life and what it entails, by the feeling of something missing, of something being wrong even when nothing seems to be wrong externally, who suffer and struggle with these feelings but don’t know why. Don’t give in to boredom, don’t give in to restlessness. Calm down, calm your mind, see the blessings which surround you in your life, understand that everything is a process, that everything happens for a reason, that you are where you need to be. Stop desperately looking for the magic cure against all sorrow, instead embrace all your sorrow, embrace your pain, embrace life with all it includes, and simply seek to humbly understand yourself, to become better every day. Stop ignoring the truth, make the necessary changes and things will slowly get better. Don’t try to run before you can walk, make the changes that you need to make now so that you can be in a position to make much bigger changes in the future. 

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 61.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 59: Methods For Getting Stoned.

I grew up with joints, my favorite way to blaze for a long time. It was great, taking my time to grind the bud, to roll the joint, and finally to find a comfortable spot to chill and blaze it at. It was so relaxing, the way the high from a joint slowly starts to creep up on you until you can barely keep going by the time half of it is done. I always kept on going though, and by the time the J was finished I would just sit there, stoned out of my mind, and stare at whatever was in front of me for a few seconds, simply enjoying how faded I was. Then I’d go for a walk, not in a rush at all, but just enjoying every step as I walked to wherever I was supposed to go next. I’d put some music on, or rather it was already on and in my ears throughout the sesh, but as I’d start to walk, the music would synchronize with all the different patterns, all the different colors, the different people and the scenery I saw. I was in the world but just as an outside observer, looking outward from my own comfortable little world. My world was the high I was in, combined with whatever song was on, library on shuffle with the volume up to the loudest level. I was happy in my own consciousness, simply observing life happening, observing the music filling my head with amazing vibes. I have most of my music on Spotify these days, but back then I had a 160GB iPod classic which I had all my music stored on. I downloaded a lot of music in those days, albums and full discographies even, and I still have most of that saved on an external drive, so even if Spotify ever goes down or something, I’ll still have my music to listen to. I loved having such a diverse music collection, and having the kind of sounds and rhythms I was hearing constantly switching up on me every two or three minutes, along with the scenery which would change by the second. Those were great days, magical days, walking in whatever weather, even in the rain. I used to tell people here in Honduras, back in Vancouver you would never do anything if you always stayed home because of some rain. I would stand under something, huge joint in hand, music in my ears as always, and I would just inhale and exhale slowly, watching, listening, thinking, sheltered from the rain. Nowadays I spend more time at home, and I guess it had a lot to do with me finally getting a bong as soon as I got married and we moved into our own crib here. I couldn’t own a bong when I lived with my parents, so it forced me to actually go out. I’d spend most of my days outside, and joints were what everyone used to smoke anyway, so I got used to it over the years. Here, though, I rarely smoke joints, maybe once or twice a week, and instead I just hit the bong. It sure is convenient, but I don’t like the fact that I spend more time at home, since it’s so comfortable to just stay at home and chill and take some good bong rips. I kind of miss going out and blazing and looking at places as I mentioned before, or even toking up with friends when we meet up for whatever. It’s been about a year I guess, maybe a bit more, than I’ve been mainly just hitting the bong, but recently, just about a week ago actually, I went ahead and purchased a dry herb vaporizer, which I’m currently taking a nice hit of, by the way. I really think this will be my go-to method of getting baked from now on I think, to be honest. It provides a really smooth hit, and what I’m really loving is the fact that I can actually taste the bud when I take a hit, I can taste much more flavor, yet the heat to the throat is greatly diminished, it’s almost non-existent. In other words, with a dry herb vaporizer you can take a much smoother, cleaner hit, since it’s vapor, not smoke, and so it has much less toxins in it, and you can actually taste the bud you have, and the effect is always great as well. Another pro of using a vaporizer is that it doesn’t leave off much smell either, since the vapor doesn’t linger in the air for much time, in fact it completely disappears in just two seconds, maybe three depending on the size of the hit you take. I took it to Maria’s house this past weekend, since I can’t blaze there at her mom’s house, and was taking some hits in the room before sleeping, nobody knew a thing. Also, just yesterday, I took some hits from it at work while I was on the elevator, and the vapor was gone just in time for when the elevator doors opened on the third floor. It’s so convenient, I can’t lie, and the fact that it’s extremely portable as well means that it doesn’t pose the problem of the bong, of having to stay at home to use it. I mean, it would be ridiculous to carry a bong around in my hand all day, and putting it in my backpack would likely result in it breaking. I’m glad that, apart from convenience, I’m also using the safest option now, not smoking any longer, and I just recently found that I can use the already vaporized bud again, by making edibles with it. I just ate my first attempt at doing this about half an hour ago, a peanut butter and bud sandwich. It wasn’t bad at all, and we’ll just have to wait until tomorrow to know if it will really hit or not. I don’t feel much yet, but then again I’ve already been taking hits from the vape.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 60.

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 58: Culture Contrast, The Music Business.

I was born in the third world, right by the equator, in a country so hot and so violent you might think you’re in hell if you came to visit. If you looked a bit closer though, you might find that it is also a place of peaceful villages, a place of family harmony, a place of love for God and all his children. It’s a crazy contrast, to see all the messages about God everywhere, on the buses, on the buildings, banners, yet to hear of so much crime and death. Organized crime and gangs, as well as corrupt police and government, keep this country unsafe and unable to move ahead. For better or for worse, I was born in Honduras, and when my parents told me we’d be leaving to Canada, immigrating there, I threatened them by saying that I wouldn’t watch TV any longer when we arrived there, since it would all be in English, and I wasn’t about to watch TV shows I couldn’t understand. This was the most important thing for me, I was almost ten at the time, and I have a vague memory of that day when we said goodbye to my grandparents. We were at this very same property which I’m back in today, writing to you all from. I’m back at my birthplace, and over the past two years I’ve gotten used to the heat, to the bugs and the roaches and flies all over again, to the loud sounds and funny smells as well. Everything is hot and sweaty, everything is vibrant, like an endless summer. I’m back in Honduras, I came back to be reunited with my wife, or actually to make her my wife, who I met on a previous visit back here. It’s great to have different experiences, and to stop having some of the things I was previously so used to. I know I’ll experience some of those really great things again when I get back, such as readily available high grade chronic, or being able to hike up the beautiful B.C. mountains. I also hope my connect for shrooms can hook me up like he did in the past, I haven’t kept in touch with him these two years, and I’m looking forward to getting into the music scene again, giving it one more shot perhaps. I’m about to be twenty-five, and I might as well give music a shot again, since Vancouver provides a somewhat supportive environment for artists, and since I doubt things will be able to work after I’m thirty. At the same time, due to the spiritual path I feel I’ve embarked on recently, I’m in this whole thing about not letting expectations overwhelm me. I don’t want to set such high expectations about how things will be, I just want things to be as they are meant to, to ride the wave of life, and to thank God in every situation. The music business requires so much effort on a person’s part, to keep up with a certain image, to create and image for oneself and to make it into a brand, to commercialize it, to make it cool. How can I focus on that which has no image or form, when I am always supposed to be thinking about how to promote an image of myself, the brand or reputation I’ve created for myself? These are all things I think about, and sometimes I think it might be best to just leave the entertainment industry to the side, and to just focus on cultivating the right mentality in life and with finding the Spirit within us all. I wonder sometimes if it could all be a delusion though, and if I should really focus on becoming successful, and not so much on matters that are not of this world, in a sense. Could it be that life is passing me by and I just feel that I’m being spiritual now or living life better? I don’t want to fall into this trap, so this time that I’m back in Honduras has really been a time for me to reflect. I haven’t gotten to a final decision yet, but I’m thinking of giving the music a shot once I fly back, and attempting to include the concepts I’m learning about within my lyrics in more creative ways. I can’t give up my chance to do something I love for a living, especially in this internet age when it’s easier than ever to promote one’s music or literature, but I also can’t give up on my spiritual pursuit of the truth of life. I have to keep a third eye open, I know, if I wish to stay on the right path and to really try to get into the entertainment business, into the music business. One can’t avoid life however, and I was born with the talent I was born with for a reason, just as all of us are, so I can’t let it go to waste simply because of fear of stepping off the path, of falling into temptation. I feel that I’ve been working on self-control for quite a while now and that it’s finally starting to pay off in a big way, so I’m really conserving this motivation within me so that when I get back to Canada I can create content and constantly promote it. I moved to Canada at an early age, I learned English and I learned to rhyme, I took a break for some years since I had to clear my mind of such negative ideas I held before, and now I need to incorporate the new positive ideas I’ve been learning about for the past few years, into my music. To me it’s all meant to be, it’s all part of a process which is about to take new shape. Only a few months left and we will see, but for now I keep on managing my expectations, and taking it a day at a time while I’m here in Honduras. 

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 59.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 56: Watch What You Say.

I hear people talk about so many useless and random things. I don’t criticize them on the spot, or behind their back to anyone, since I remember the days when I also used to speak just for the sake of speaking, just to be seen, just to be heard and acknowledged. I always had to make my opinion known, I always tried to have people see me in a certain light or think of me in some specific way, and so the things I said were just calls for attention, even when I myself didn’t see that at the time. I had to make my life into what I thought it should be, I had to make people know me, know who I am, what my beliefs were, how the system was wrong and I was right, and how my way of life was the only correct way to live life: recklessly, without a care in the world or a thought for the future. As I matured over the past few years, after living through the consequences of some of the bad decisions from my past, I’ve really stopped talking so much. I’d say I don’t even speak half as much as I used to. I try to practice discernment with all thoughts that come up in my mind, at least whenever I remember to do so, and I find that many of the things which I’m about to say can and should be discarded before they are even expressed. Nowadays I try not to talk so much, as I would much rather attempt to understand the things I observe, the things I see and hear, to relate them to my own experiences as well as what I’ve learned and continue learning. Most of the time we say things which we don’t know for sure, we make assumptions about others due to our limited knowledge of the situation they are facing, or of the life they have lived as a whole, or we offend others by only advising them from our own point of view, without ever taking a moment to place ourselves in their shoes. I try to give advice to my friends when they need it, though I don’t try to seem like I know everything, and I don’t go around telling people what they are doing wrong in their life, especially without providing any alternative to their current actions. All of us are struggling in this life, all of us are confused to a certain extent, all trying to do the best we can to stay sane and to survive, and maybe to transform our lives into great achievements, to make our dreams come true. This only seems to matter when it applies to ourselves though, but we are quick to kill the dreams of others, whether they are our friends or enemies, even if we think that words are pretty much harmless. Words are extremely powerful, and I’ve written on that subject before. So many of us are happy to see our friends remain where they are, never advancing or moving forwards, since they make us feel comfortable about who we are and where we’re at in life, so we only talk with them about trivial things, we never try to suggest any positive change or challenge, since the friendship might change for the worse or end if one of us gets higher up the ladder than the other. This is the way too many of us see things, yet the sentiment is often unconscious. We believe we want what’s best for our friends, yet we have no problem with letting them kill themselves with alcohol or cigarettes or drugs, so long as we are not the only ones doing it. We shouldn’t refrain from giving advice to those we care about, as it can be precisely what they need in order to move ahead and face whatever obstacle they may currently be facing, but we should always advise them in a humble manner. We always must keep in mind that we could have slipped just as easily as them, since we live in a world full of temptation and desire, our will is constantly being weakened, our minds attacked. We should never think of ourselves as higher than anyone else, as superior to anyone, just because they have done something which we consider horrible, which we believe we would never do ourselves. We don’t know what things can come to, we don’t know what everyone’s been through, and we don’t know why everyone does what they do. We can’t be the judges of humanity, we can only live our own lives. Only we have our own memories, our own aspirations, only we have our own ideas, our own I know that I know more about some things than others, though I don’t consider myself an expert in any specific subject, so I don’t pretend to be. Even so-called experts on any subject could benefit from thinking a bit less of themselves, leaving the arrogance behind, and admitting that there are many things, even about their special subject which they don’t fully understand. We learn during every day that we are alive, but it is our choice to learn the hard way, by arrogantly trying to mold life to our convenience, or to learn the easy way, by maintaining the attitude of a humble observer in this world. No matter how important we may think we are, whether we are the owner of the biggest organization on the planet, whether we are the most famous rock star or actor, whatever kind of celebrity, we all need to be humble enough to see ourselves as something else, something which we all have in common These days no one will take you seriously unless you’ve been to college or university, but I don’t think it’s necessary to Often times I’m too caught up in thought to say anything, I’m starting to let life happen more, without complaining, or without attempting to change the direction of things. I don’t know where I’m going with this, to be honest, but I have enough words and it’s time for me to meditate now, so off I go into a wordless space.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 57.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 55: The Lessons You’ve Taught Me.

You make me see that things are not always as they seem, you make me appreciate the power of love, something I never believe in before. You taught me compassion, communion, you helped me to see that so much of my confusion was only a choice. You made me realize that I had a choice, to be free or to keep on struggling in my mental prison, to let go and to allow myself to be loved, to let go of the past that was keeping me down, or to keep on holding on to an illusion of myself. I knew when I met you, that life was providing me with an opportunity which I couldn’t refuse, that God was granting me with a precious gift, one that I couldn’t completely understand at the time, but which I knew, without a doubt, came as a form of divine grace. Such love doesn’t just come unexpected, to someone who doesn’t even believe in the very idea of it. Perhaps deep within I always believed and wanted it, perhaps it was something which was attracted by an intense yet hidden desire. I always wanted a true companion, a woman to share my thoughts with, my ideas on life, to reflect and to build together, to help each other move along through the struggles of life, to listen to her and do support her. I do remember wanting that long ago, my parents were always an amazing example of this for me. As I began to grow, to date, I forgot about this idea, about love and romance, and I saw that people just wanted to party, both guys and girls wanted sex with no commitment. Unconsciously I developed a cynical view of life, since everything seemed so superficial, interactions between people I knew seemed so meaningless, so I decided to join the fun, to allow myself to become caught up in the drama, in the highs and lows of sensual living, I forgot all about ever finding a true life partner, since such an idea simply wasn’t cool. As I began to identify with certain ideas, different from my initial thoughts of love and companion, I began to believe I was an identity, I was a cool dude, I was not about to be chasing any girls down and I was not going to give in to them, I was going to keep it cool and fuck them and leave them, I thought I knew the game. There was no way I was allowing myself to be tied down, how could I if there were so many girls yet to meet, there was so much fun to have still? I never wanted to marry, I also began to take pride in having meaningless sex with as many attractive girls as I could, even when I knew, deep inside, that there was no merit in anything I was doing, that there was really nothing at all to be proud of. All along I craved that deeper connection, and then you came along into my life, completely out of the blue you appeared and stole my heart with your sweet voice. I see now that I was wrong about many things, your simple attitude towards life has convinced me that, even when everything is going wrong, even when everyone around us decides to do only what’s best for them, even then, we should mind our business, we should do our work, we should be ourselves, and we should always be happy about it, we should always do the best we can with the most positive attitude we can bring to the table. You’ve inspired me to become a fighter, before I didn’t see much of a purpose to fight for. I did see many things that were wrong with the world, but a part of me thought they were impossible to change, that life was meaningless because I couldn’t change all the things that were wrong with it. You’ve shown me greater depth than I could previously even imagine, and I thank you and I thank God for it every day, since I know there’s a profound reason for our coming together. I can’t wait to show you new places, which are old to me, and I’ve had a great time during these two years while meeting your family, immediate and extended. Life is great when we are together, you woke me up to the fact that even the most seemingly insignificant details are rich with meaning, that life is no further than here and now, and that we must never let anything get in the way of us being here for those we love and who love us, for being here and now, fully present for them whenever they may need us. You’ve taught me, and you continue teaching me, a lifelong lesson in sacrifice, in putting others before oneself, in working as a team, in making things work together, through proper and honest communication, through restraint on anger and on jumping to conclusions, through sincerity in all situations. You make me smile every day, it’s great to have a person I know I can trust, an embodiment of all that is good and true. You made me see that, before our time together, I had been chasing worthless thrills, I had been living life all wrong. You made me see that there is so much more good within us than we often want to accept, that we often can do much more for others than we wish to acknowledge, lest we feel obligated to do so. You don’t seem to realize it, but your personality has had such an impact on me, your kindness, your radiance and your happiness, they’ve really brightened up my life, I’m so happy to be with you and I can’t wait to see how these virtues continue to grow in you in the future. I wish you the best always, and I pray God blesses you forever, and that we may spend a long, long time together on Earth, and if possible then beyond as well.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 56.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 54: Remaining Present While Understanding We Are Beyond Life.

Sometimes it’s hard to let go of our ego. We talk about it, we say we believe in the Self beyond the ego, yet as soon as temptation comes we fall in its trap, as soon as anger and frustration hit, we are quick to let our wrath unfold upon everything in its path. We lash out at innocent bystanders, we let our frustration get in the way of us performing our tasks correctly at work, or from being fully present for who we live with or spend most of our time with. When frustration is constantly entertained in our minds, we find a feeling arising in us that the world is against us, that there’s an invisible enemy aiming to hold us down, or to bring us down as soon as we make a move towards the top. This attitude, this state of mind, they greatly strengthen the ego as well as our state of separation, not only from others, but from ourselves as well. We are not even fully connected to everything we are doing, to everything going on around us, as we begin to drown in our troubled thoughts. We become immersed in negative thought patterns, in destructive states of mind which we spend more and more time in as the days go by. These mental disturbances alienate us from ourselves and from those who love us. We become defensive, we create a fortress around our personally, around the image we have created for ourselves, since we need it in only to feel like we matter. Our ego feels safe in separation, in our originality, in our brilliance or intelligence, or worse of all, some feel extremely proud of their spiritual progress or status within a community. Spiritual pride is the worse of all, since no one can claim to live a spiritual life if they regard their spiritual learning and activities as their personal strengths, as their personal achievements which need to be celebrated. These people wish to be congratulated for their spiritual success, maybe unconsciously, they might think they are making progress, but the pleasure they feel could really be derived from them beginning to form an image of themselves which is centered around spirituality. This can render a person blind to the facts of life, providing them with a false sense of security. We need to always check ourselves, we need to reflect on our behavior, on our thoughts even more importantly, and we need to be honest with ourselves no matter what conclusions we may come to. If we don’t do this, we cannot rise above our ego. The ego doesn’t need to be done away with, we need to be aware of who we are, what our own name is, etc, if we wish to survive in this world. Maybe we can leave these things behind if we become monks and follow their strict rules, but for most of us reading this, we probably need to go on with our lives, and we cannot afford to completely do away with who we know ourselves to be. This is okay, this is not a problem. Some people try to find an identity in spirituality, to feel special because they live differently than others. This is an entirely erroneous idea, since they are only separating themselves from others. The basic rules of morality need to be mastered by us, as well as basic control over our senses, if we wish to progress on the path of the Spirit. We shouldn’t do it in order to achieve any goal though, this is a path that we walk our whole lives, since it is life itself. Life itself is spiritual, and everything is full of meaning if we wish to see it. We do have a body, we do need to feed it and take care of it, that’s the point of life, to take care of everything we’ve been given. Sadly, too many of us not only do not take proper care of our own bodies, but we actively try to destroy them from within. We smoke too many cigarettes, we drink excessively, we don’t watch where we walk, we get in all sorts of fights, and we live in stress which is also causing sickness within us. Apart from all that we eat mostly garbage and we don’t take enough time to rest, or to truly feel at peace, to pray or to sit for a bit and meditate. We need to exercise and to cut out the toxic things which we put into our bodies, it is natural to have to take care of our bodies, they should not be neglected. Having a body, owning one during this lifetime, if you will, should be taken as the first lesson to learn in life, as it can teach us a great deal when it comes to responsibility. The idea of life is to find balance, to selflessly take care, for ourselves and for others as well, to do it even as we understand that we are alive beyond this dimension, in Spirit, beyond time and space and human understanding. With this firm in mind, we are prevented from becoming attached to the things of the world, even to the things we cherish the most, those which we consider ours, even the people we love. In order to care for them, or for ourselves, correctly we have to learn to let go of our ego, we have to learn to be vulnerable around some people, we’ll have to learn to speak our mind, to always tell people the truth, we’ll have to keep a high standard for ourselves. Attachment arises from ego-driven so-called love, which is more like lust, whether physical or mental. Sometimes we just need someone to prevent us from feeling lonely with ourselves. True love arises when we think about what we can offer others, not about what they can do for us. We must understand that this is more important for us, for the planet and for everyone and everything in it, than our own individual ego, a mere fabrication of our minds, and this will allow us to live life truly free.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 55.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 53: From Tired to Inspired.

Today was another day. I’m tired, but I have enough energy to learn, to read, to write. I’m faded, I ate some pizza so I feel a bit heavy, but I’m comfortable. Today I was thinking back on my fam, the ways in which they may have changed while I’ve been gone away, the way things used to be, how they will never be the same again. It’s not a sad thing, maybe nostalgic, but shocking as well. My youngest brother just finished the eleventh grade, only one left now to graduate from high school. Meanwhile I still feel like I just left high school, and I’m like eight years older than him. It’s hard sometimes, not to feel like you’re getting lost in the system, like you’re not really heading anywhere. It’s easy to judge ourselves based on external values, based on what society thinks about life and how it should be. Life is way too often referred to as a general idea. But life, as in the concept of being alive, and life meaning the time that a single individual has before death, are two different things. Life is something common to all, in the first sense, but in the second, life is very, very different to all individuals. We all experience and perceive things much differently than those around us. We might be more similar to some of our worst enemies than to those around us, because we are all born a certain way, and then we are further shaped in a certain way as we grow, and so many of the factors at play are simply out of our control, such as all of childhood before we can take care of ourselves as adolescents or adults. We don’t decide whether we are similar to others or not, in a way, our nature is embedded in us, and our karma is creating our life, so it is our duty, our dharma, to live, each one of us his or her individual life, to the fullest. We all can find more in common than we think we can with almost anyone we can imagine, just as we can find things about most people which are absolutely disgusting to us. We are all alike and yet very different, when we think of it in a context of duality, but beyond this we are similar in Spirit, in a dimension beyond all duality. So again, we shouldn’t judge ourselves based on external values which society believes are important, but instead we should understand that we are already special, that there is already a purpose to each and every one of us, including me, and including you as well. If we are born in the United States, or in Honduras, or Canada, or whether we are Asian or European or Middle Eastern, we are all born exactly where and when we are meant to be born, to the parents who we were meant to be born to. Whether we are meant to be male or female, all we have to do is to look at who are, who we were born as. There is a reason why we are who we are, why I am who I am, and why you are born are you, and he as he is, and she as she is. Everyone comes to life because of each parent’s decision to make love, to have sex. Beyond this, however, there are deeper reasons, reasons which we simply can’t understand, for why a new life is born at a certain time. It is not our place to take a life that God has chosen to bring into this world, especially if it has come about because of our own carelessness, because we want to party and be wild and free, free to exchange our sexual energy with whoever we please, without ever even attempting to understand its true power, or its connection with the divine force which is love, and how they are meant to be fused together in the harmony of a true and loving relationship. We have to face responsibility for our actions, otherwise we will never be truly free. The evil we commit today will haunt generations down the line for a long, long time, just as the sins of our ancestors have left us in the state we are in today. Changes take time, and things all have their effects. We live in a world of cause and effect, there is simply no denying it. Those who choose to live in denial of this basic truth of life are bound to face the consequences of their actions regardless, but these days they try not to be legally held accountable. We must understand that sex is sacred, that any new life is sacred, that a great Spirit lives in all of us, and is what gives life to any body. A body without Spirit would be nothing but meat and bones, just like the chicken or beef most of us eat. How can we ever understand the sanctity of life when we eat other species for mere convenience? I myself still haven’t stopped eating meat, so don’t think of this as an attack to you or anyone else, but we can’t stay in denial of the facts. If we acknowledge the truth, then we are bound to change sooner or later, we will be compelled to change, since the truth will set us free, it has to. If we stay in denial though, why would we ever attempt to change, to improve, if we can’t see what’s wrong in the way we behave? Time flies, life is sacred, and we need to figure out how to live smarter, how to really feel alive and really be alive during every second. I started out a bit tired, now I feel inspired, just like when I read some truth which resonates with me. Reading and writing are amazing tools, I can’t stress it enough, to get to know about thought around the world, through the ages and even now, as well as thoughts floating around up in your own head.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 54.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 52: Spontaneous Writing, A New Life.

So many things on my mind that I want to write down, but when I sit down to write it’s like I don’t know what or how. It reminds me of how I started my very first post of this daily thousand-word series. Although some days I feel more clarity than others, most times I just try to wing it. I used to feel bad about it, now not so much. Creativity doesn’t always have to involve too much planning, sometimes none is necessary, though experience and practice are probably always necessary no matter what. Freestyle rapping is an example of creativity on the spot, although it’s unfortunate that sometimes it’s filled with nonsense, since artists don’t have time to think of intelligent lyrics, they’re simply trying to rhyme. So, as I write I try to keep my ignorance to the lowest level possible, I try to speak the truth but not to be offensive, yet to speak the truth nonetheless. It’s simply necessary, and it’s what inspires me to write in the first place. I used to be very extroverted, having a lot of friends and partying often, but now I don’t go out or drink, I mostly stay home with my wife, and I don’t live nearly as crazy as I used to. Let’s say I do a lot more thinking these days, a lot less spending, and a lot less dumb shit. My childhood and early teen years were filled with trouble, mostly caused by my own stupidity and wrong attitude towards life. I can’t say I’m a completely new man, but so far I’ve changed a lot over the past few years, mostly for the better. I’ve also quit smoking cigarettes, I just can’t stand the thought of screwing up my health so badly. Some would say it’s stupid to quit smoking one thing and continue with another, but I do still blaze, probably about as often or even more than I did before, since now I live on my own, with my wife, not with my parents, and I can just keep my bong. It’s definitely convenient, the only downside is I miss all the going out to smoke joints in the fresh air. So, with a few changes to my overall health and some for my mental health, I go on, day by day, doing the work of self-improvement, yet in the process, every second, of constantly remembering that, although the self is being strengthened, being improved, there is a dimension beyond the self which it is also essential to strengthen, which is the dimension of the Self, of the Spirit. We must live life to the fullest, yet we mustn’t become attached to anything in it, we shouldn’t embrace the things of this world as the greatest treasures, otherwise when we lose them, and we will, we will not know who or what we are. Everything which we once were has been taken from us, now where are we to be found. Where or what is the self? When I write spontaneously, these thoughts on spirituality are often what come to my mind, what surface up from my subconscious, so I guess it’s a good sign about where my mind is at, since it’s what I mostly contemplate these days. I know it’s not good to overthink, and that the final goal is to completely transcend all thought as well as emotion or feeling, but with so much interesting knowledge, with so many different things to learn, to analyze, how can I not read, how can I not learn, how can I help myself from at least attempting to familiarize myself as well as I can with the greatest wisdom we can attain in this life, in this world? How can I shy away from following the mysteries, from trying to find meaning in every second, in every day. Time and life is all we all have, and it strikes me as off how little we like to think or talk together about what life means, what the world is for and why we exist here. I think we avoid the subject since we don’t like to feel small, like we don’t know something as simple as the meaning of our own existence. We all know we don’t know, so we avoid admitting the fact to each other, and instead we all just follow some religion or philosophical school, we learn it as best as possible, and we pretend that we know. We tell people that we know what life means, that we know who or what God is and exactly what he wants for us. We begin to believe our delusion, since we can never know the truth in its entirety. Don’t assume I’m being pessimistic, it’s just a fact. It’s a fact because the truth is beyond our human understanding. Our brain is not wired to comprehend why it exists, there are dimensions beyond time and space that defy everything we know, every shred of understanding or knowledge or wisdom we could even fathom to use in order to try to understand such experiences, if we could have access to them. The closest I can think of this is the psychedelic experience, and most who have used psychedelics would agree that the experiences they’ve had cannot be described by words. These are simple substances, yet still mysteries, but what about the mysteries of angels, of demons, of God and the Devil? What about life on other planets, about life possibly being nothing but a simulation? What about what happens when we die? These are all mysteries, but there are even greater mysteries than these, ones we might even be able to solve, or maybe not fully, but we might learn a thing or two, or the most important thing we could ever learn, in the process of attempting to solve them. I’m talking about the mysteries of who we are and what our individual purposes are, what my individual purpose is as well as yours. These things are worth finding out, and if you don’t think we have any purpose, if you think your existence is random and meaningless, then why don’t you attempt to find out, to sincerely try the best you can to figure out if you’re right or wrong, if you do have any meaning or not. Search wherever you can, in books and most importantly from first-hand experience. Live life with discernment, and you will see so much meaning before your eyes which you have previously chosen to ignore, it will seem like a new life you cannot believe,

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 53.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 51: Working Back Home and Abroad.

I’m at work at the moment. Normally we don’t have internet connection here to access sites not related to the job itself, but I just randomly tried to get on WordPress today and it worked, and there’s a lot of free time in between calls, so it’s a perfect moment for me to get started with today’s writing goal. I got Maria (my wife) sitting right beside me, and in between getting these words down I’m also just joking and playing around with her. It’s great to be able to look at her throughout the day, as she expresses actual concern about whatever customer’s issue she’s dealing with at the moment, I can see it in her facial expressions and hand movements. She has a sweater on with the hoodie on her head, since it always gets a bit cold at the end of the day, when most people have gone home and the air conditioner is still cooling the place up. We assist commercial customers with their DirecTV accounts, so if you live in the States and you ever call DTV customer service for some billing or technical issues at your place of work, you might get me on the line, or my wife. We probably won’t be at this job for much longer though, maybe another few months, since Maria and I are waiting for her Canadian PR to be approved soon, so that we can travel back together. It’s a cool job for now, easy and relaxed. On my breaks I can usually go out for a joint, I just have to stay alert for the cops, because here they can take me to jail, not like in Canada. Weed wasn’t legal in Canada when I was growing up though, so I’m used to staying alert and watching my surroundings. It’s funny, I do my calls so well that the customers I attend probably have no clue that I’m in Central America, or that I’m faded as fuck. I like helping them out, though sometimes work is a bore and I wish I was doing something more interesting. No sense in wishing though, I have to remain in the now, and stay focused and working towards a better situation. It’s great that I have this available time now and that I can do my writing, since we’re planning on visiting my grandparents today when we get home. It’s been a while since we’ve went up to visit them, and they always feel real happy when we do. Maria and my grandma get along real well. So, doing my writing now will clear up some time at night, the time we need to visit them and to do other goals. It’s cool that people here in Honduras have an opportunity to practice their English by having real conversations with real people who are calling from the States. The conversations obviously center mostly around TV, around technical things, and around numbers when it comes to billing problems. It’s great that these call centers exist also because they provide jobs for many people here. The US companies hire the call centers since they obviously have to pay someone working in a call center in the States a lot more than they pay us over here. I don’t live for money though, otherwise I’d be back in Canada making much more right now. I couldn’t bear the thought of staying separated from Maria though, and throughout the whole time we’ve been waiting on her PR, I’ve been here in Honduras ever since I came back to get married with her. Our two year anniversary is coming up, in fact, on the fifteenth of this month. I’m super excited to celebrate that special day with my beautiful wife of two years, especially since it’s been a while since we hit the beach, and also since this will be the first celebration or beach day since I started my abstinence goal from alcohol. That means I’ll act like less of a fool, I’ll enjoy more, and I’ll be able to remember more of those wonderful moments. I’m excited to go back to Canada, but just as you make more money there from work, living is also much more expensive. Over here it almost feels like I’m on vacation, work is not much of a necessity, and life is a lot more relaxed. When I go back, I feel like it’s gonna be hard not to slip back into a meaningless routine, into a soul-sucking job which I will actually need in order to pay the rent, or mortgage, in order to buy food and groceries. I need to do all that here, but we always have enough, and the job is simple and relaxed. I’m not eager to take up some random job though, after the many I’ve already had already back, and to start waking up early and coming home late every day, working my ass off just to pay bills, with no time to spend with my wife or family. I’m excited because, in Canada, there’s a lot more opportunities for musicians and artists, for writers as well. But what good does it do me if I will have no time? I absolutely need to find a way to break free from the system, to be my own boss and to live more freely. That’s also kind of the point for taking this time off and staying here in Honduras. It’s great to see life from a totally different perspective, and to sometimes have a bit of an escape into a different culture, into something that sucks you out of your own life and environment and mindset back home. I’ve been thinking, brainstorming, planning as to what I will do in order to make things work when we go back to Vancouver, and I have a few ideas, one of the main ones being hard work and dedication to what I do. So, tomorrow the call center awaits again, and while it’s not so bad, and I’m thankful to God for having such a chill job at the moment, I truly wonder if the day will arrive when I’ll find myself waking up to do something much more meaningful than helping people watch TV. I’m sure many of us feel the say way.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 52.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 50: 50 Days Writing! Goals Review.

Half a hundred days of writing and posting a thousand words. I’ve failed at some other goals during this time, and I’ve restarted them right back for another attempt, but I’m especially happy that I’ve been able to stay on track with this particular goal. I was just letting my wife know about it. It’s great to have people all over the world have access to what you write, and to actually have people read it, even if it’s just a few people sometimes. It’s one of the truly wonderful about the internet age which we live in. It’s a great privilege which requires great responsibility on a writer’s part, so I try to keep my mind as clear as possible when I write these things, free of all negativity and frustration. I don’t drink anymore, which is great, since it would have been such a hindrance to staying on track with my daily writing goal, both because I’d obviously going out more, and because I’d feel totally destroyed the day after getting wasted. It didn’t feel so bad when I was younger, and I know for sure I drank a lot more back then, so I knew my body was now beginning to tell me that it was time to take it easy. I’m super glad about this goal as well, I haven’t drank a drop of alcohol in almost a hundred days now, so I gotta a hundred and a few more to go on my current challenge of two hundred days. Sometimes I feel I might just lay off the booze for good, even after I finish my two hundred day goal. I don’t crave it anymore and I feel totally fine without it, and it feels like I got my shit together, like I got things a bit more under control. Life isn’t always about being in control of everything, but completely losing control of oneself can be dangerous, and it’s certainly something that alcohol intoxication can lead to, and does lead to a lot of the time. Life feels good without it, but then I think that, if I can manage to keep it under control and moderation, then a beer or two here and there won’t do much harm, and will make me enjoy any nice day or night out. The problem is that I can’t ever stop at two, so I think I just might try to lay off the booze completely for as long as possible. Either way, I’ve been doing some experiments with psychedelics, in the past mostly shrooms, but now I have a connect for some good acid, and since I don’t party anymore, I’ve been just tripping alone at home (since Maria usually falls asleep), and concentrating on peace, meditating, reflecting having deeply profound experiences of psychological and spiritual growth. New thoughts come to me, and things which I know deep inside, which I’ve even forgotten from so much neglect, from being ignored for so long, from not wanting to deal with them, start to make themselves known to me, their significance becomes inescapable and I know without a doubt that, what matters most in life, is to love others, to love and care for one’s family and friends, to make connections, to always keep a good vibe following you wherever you go, a contagious feeling that will inspire others to live in the same way. I’ve been tripping on two or three tabs at a time, a few months at a time, two or three maybe, and reflecting on my progress with my goals as well. So what do I need alcohol for, that dulling sensation of the mind, that lustful appetite and aggressive behavior? Sometimes I feel frustrated with my goals, but I cannot abandon my sadhana. I have also been working on keeping lust off my mind, inspired by various books, mostly by Hindu Swamis, on the power of Brahmacharya. The concept of Brahmacharya provides, in my opinion, a better explanation of what I had read before in Mantak Chia’s book, regarding the same concept but from the Taoist perspective. Abstaining from all lustful thoughts and looks, ideas, only making love with my wife every few days, meditating and reading daily, the Bible and the Sutras, abstaining from alcohol, writing every day to keep my creative side alive. I wish I was making music, but for some reason, I find I don’t have much inspiration for that at this moment in life, but it comes and it goes I believe. Some other things I feel I need to do are to start focusing more on my health. I was already exercising every day as a goal, but I stopped about a month and a half back since I got sick with a random and mysterious fever. It would hit me every single day, for about a week and a half or two weeks. I had to gather my strength after those two weeks, so I’ve been eating better, thinking that not eating enough might have something to do with me being weak and therefore susceptible to such fevers. I still haven’t started exercising, but I need to, and I will do so any day now, I’ll start again with my weights and pushups, yoga and jogging around the baseball field which is a block away. Exercise makes you feel energetic, alive, and it keeps us healthy. We all need to exercise a healthy habit of daily exercise! There’s no denying its benefits. And the hardest goal of all, I made a promise to Maria that I would start this month, that I would only smoke weed fifteen days of the month. I didn’t promise this to her because of any pressure on her part, but instead because I knew I’d have to honor my promise to her no matter what, so this would be the perfect way for me to keep feeling accountable for completing this new goal. I’m not taking on this weed goal because I think it’s harmful, but because I feel I’m too attached to staying faded. Nothing should become an attachment in our lives, and if we see that something has, then we need to deal with it, then we can partake in it again in a healthy way. Wish me luck so I can smoke only half the month this month of July (usually I blaze every day)!

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 51.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 49: Don’t Become Discouraged.

It’s easy to become discouraged, and to fall into a deeply depressive state, if we continually dwell upon all the death and destruction that takes place on daily basis, all around us at all times. There are many, many horrible deeds being consciously committed by many people, and there are also many small acts of ignorance which we all commit just as frequently, which cause a big impact on ourselves and on our planet in the long run, such as our extreme use of plastic, as well as our contribution to consumer culture. There is simply no escaping it, is how we often feel. We feel like there’s no way to go against the system, and that, if there’s no way of easing the people’s pain, or at least our own, then does life really have a point, does it hold any meaning? Is there any value in enjoying life while millions of others, human and non-human alike, suffer at the same time? Can we ever be free of fear in the face of a possible disease or an early and unexpected death? Must we be always alert, paranoid about whether death is just around the corner, constantly worried sick about the well-being of those we love, imagining the worst of possibilities whenever they come home a bit late or something like that? I never felt like this in Canada, but I often feel like this now, here in Honduras, when Maria goes to work in the mornings, since I join her there later in the day. I wonder if she’s okay all the way, and so I make sure I have her call me every day when she gets to work. We got another cell phone in order to make this happen, before we just had the one for both. But is this healthy? Is it good to be afraid of the world and of its unexpected dangers? Of car crashes or robberies and killings? Nowadays, thousands of people go watch a movie or attend a concert and they end up getting blasted on and killed by some psychopathic maniac. But is this an excuse to live in fear? Crime is very high here in Honduras, but I still don’t think it’s an excuse. One must have faith, in God is what I believe, but if you’re unsure of God as a concept at least you can have faith in the inherent goodness of the world, if you think of it reasonably. There is duality, yes, but the Spirit which inhabits our bodies is made up of all the attributes of the greatest good, and it cannot be shaken by duality. We can only believe ourselves defeated by life’s tragedies, if we are drowning in ignorance, leading us to forget our truly divine nature which is above such petty pleasures and pains. We shouldn’t focus on worry, on anxiety, on panic or frustration. We should focus on cultivating an unbreakable inner calm, a peace which is true and which pervades our entire life. We need to make this our priority, and we must come to love life, along with all its inescapable and painful situations, to be at peace with the process of life, and with everything it includes, to be grateful to be here, to be now, in this moment, to be alive. Once we truly feel this way, we will understand that, even with all the pain, even with all the evil we human beings are capable of, even with all the terrible crimes we’ve committed in the past, there is something within all of us which is beyond evil, which can break its chains, which can free us from bondage to our lower nature, to our sensual desires, to our lust and our greed and selfish satisfaction. We are trapped to these things, the great majority of us, yet we don’t try to break free. We are comfortable in our prison cells, and most of us have even decorated over the bars, we have become used to our posters, the decorations we’ve placed over the iron bars, and we’ve come to forget them. We don’t know we are locked up in physical existence, we don’t know that there’s more to us outside of this. We laugh at those who suggest this, we doubt the human spirit, we are quick to doubt ourselves, to harshly judge ourselves and others. Although we might not judge ourselves in front of others in order to pretend as if we have it all together, to keep our image, our identity, the real Self can never be lied to, and since within ourselves we know that we are wrong in whatever aspect of our lives, we judge ourselves and we feel guilty and ashamed. We become insecure, we develop and extreme mistrust for others, we become anti-social. We begin to project our fear onto everything, and all of a sudden life has become a great deception, something barely worth living, something we must simply endure, since we cannot take our own lives. We question existence, and just maybe it might be all completely random, totally pointless and stupid. We fail to understand that things are much deeper than what we perceive, and that we all suffer in this life, mostly because we wish things were different, we argue with life, we don’t look at things properly, we make the wrong decisions, we act impulsively, we do things for our own satisfaction, we give in to destructive vices and sacrifice our long-term health, sanity, and dignity. We all want to do everything we feel like, without knowing the impact it will have on ourselves and those around us, not to mention everyone else living life, since we are all one. Then we complain about the consequences, we act as if actions had no reactions, as if there were no principle of Cause and Effect. But this is something which is known since ancient times, and today, during the internet era, when we have access to so much information from so many different sources, ancient as well as contemporary, the fact that most of us don’t research this kind of information and take the time to learn from it is really great proof of our profound state of ignorance, which is the same exact cause as that of every single problem or disease which I mentioned during this post, and which most of us can see around us, which cause so much suffering for so many. What we need to do is to remain conscious of our true nature, and to focus on becoming free from the chains of ignorance.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 50.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 48: Nothing Will Change By Wishing.

Heaven and hell, some believe are states of mind, that we can reach at any time. Some say we will reach them after we’ve finally left this world behind. We have the Light within ourselves yet we always try to shine, externally, to fulfill a longing that persists eternally, we’re on a constant quest to find, connection, first we need a bit of introspection, before the world we can dream to conquest. We need to do the necessary work with no exception, until we can rise again just like Jesus’ resurrection. To carry the cross to our own death, to leave the palace privileges behind like Buddha, in order to live among the people, the poor, with their many diseases and infections, to work on work of the breath, Pranayama, on concentration and whatever’s left, after feeling has vanished and thought has totally left. Who can find heaven on earth? Who has even a recollection, of his past life, who can remain loyal to God’s goodness as a faithful husband to his loving wife? Who has the most minimal clue of what life is actually worth? Have we found any true connection with the source, or affinity with the living and loving force which animates the bodies we inhabit? How many of us have taken the time to analyze and change our most familiar habits? The habits which we need to change, to take the time to rearrange, our life, at first it’s bound to seem so strange, but you’ll find another range, of vision now becomes clear, you feel you’re on a mission, fear begins to lessen, every obstacle becomes a lesson, which is in itself a blessing, of the highest degree. As we see the Self in others and ourselves, we become free. Free of doubt, truly understanding what the Soul’s about. Spirit, however you’d like to call it. A blessing so rich, wealth that can’t fit in a wallet, even if it’s in a bank card, beyond the thrill of an alcoholic, or an addict of drugs, the source of unlimited love, the light that shines in the heart of even the hardest thug. It cannot be extinguished for good, embrace it is exactly what we all should, and indeed need to do, if we wish to succeed. Is success heaven? Not material success? You could argue for the side of no, or either for the side of yes. Fame and money bring stress. Is this how you would define it? Success to you is all about shining, diamonds, fine and expensive attire, is this why you work so hard and can never retire? Is it the money you’re connected to, so mentally wired? Is that the highest reason that you have to get inspired? Don’t chase wealth, but take care of your health. Don’t chase paper, it comes and it goes. Time goes and never comes back, as far as anyone knows. To death and annihilation, we’re all at all times exposed. So we might as well do it on our own, and follow it as the path we chose. The path of doing what’s right, of shining a light, of being a blessing, a bright, and shining guide to the blind with no sight, to the dumb and deaf, understand their spirit never left. It’s been living through the centuries, and even milennia, through us all. Help your brother up when you see him fall, don’t laugh at him while he’s down and you stand tall. Heaven? Nirvana? Do you know if it’s now or then? Is it today or tomorrow, is it here or there? Who knows? But what we do know, is that life on this earth short, and we can’t go through it as if it’s a simple hobby, we need to pretend we’re professionals at our favorite sport. We need to take it seriously, to understand our situation. We can inspire an entire generation, with the words and deeds which we bring into formation. We can never escape duality, but we can play an immense part in creating our own reality, and thereby affecting those of those around us, so we can stop feeling so lost and finally see that it was God who found us. Stop thinking of the future, of the gift you will receive. Stop thinking of your own self being rewarded, feel the pain when others grieve. Treat the world as your own Spirit. Keep this realization in your mind like your favorite musical lyrics, keep it in your attention, can heaven escape you if you are at peace with who you are? Do you know how to be anything else? We have all made mistakes, and we are sure to make more. Life is very unpredictable still, we don’t know what’s in store. But we can make less mistakes, and ensure we will suffer less. Bad things will happen still, nevertheless. Yet we leave it in God’s hands, we never worry since it’s all in God’s plan. All we can do is find a way to portray what righteousness means to a world that has gone astray. Every religion or race can find wisdom, within their own religious and spiritual system. But the vast mass of world civilians, has no clue of their true nature, people in the millions. We feel trapped, under the stress of work and bills, under the fear of going out and being killed, due to the neighborhoods we live in, we are tempted by all forms of evil so we give in, and we participate, we descend lower and lower instead of elevate. We conform and we’re okay with being mediocre, but never great. We see life as a horrible fate, which we just can’t escape. We feel constant suffering, hunger. We feel the world on our shoulders, holding us down, keeping us under. Drugged and sedated, we love and we hate it, we endlessly cry, we look up and complain to the sky. Isn’t this pure hell? Ignorance of our true nature, giving in to such suffering, wailing and wishing that things wouldn’t be the way they are. Nothing can change by wishing, whether to God or on a star.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 49.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 47: Where Can We Find Meaning?

Everyone’s faces show signs of severe stress, like life is a mess, completely meaningless. I believe it’s not, but some say yes. Either way we all wish and wish for more, but in the end it just feels like less. It often only feels like another loss, like another challenge, another test. We don’t know why we’re falling apart, still we seldom take time to sleep, to rest, to truly live life in the best, way we know how, and our attitude is can’t nobody tell me nothin’ like Kanye West, only getting high like Mount Everest. Some are searching in the East, some hold on to the West. Some aren’t searching at all, they don’t want to see the pain. For them, life is nothing but a silly game, and so it doesn’t matter anyhow, where we will eventually go and from where we came. We’re just killing time, waiting for the time to take a bow, and to finally leave, some are wishing that time was right now. Some make it happen, they say, Let our families grieve, the seasons pass like autumn leaves, we continually shut ourselves away because we dread the day we’ll be deceived. Let it end, let’s stop this false and pretend, let it end, let me go to where I don’t feel bad for having no friends. This mentality arises as we strive to live a lie. Only getting high, because we feel low, with nowhere to go, looking high and low, our accountability we deny. Life isn’t what we thought, it’s all show, but yet it’s all we got. We thought we knew, yet we don’t know a damn thing, have we forgot? Did we ever know at all? None of us can stop the clock. Time is ticking, people pass, always searching for greener grass. Never will they get the chance to sit back, relax, and enjoy at last. We all wish that we could ease the stress and sing, we wish to let ourselves go, and that we could fly but never fall, with a pair heavenly wings. We would love to lose ourselves in a trance, to feel free to forever dance, to indulge in the sins of this life, but that they didn’t have to sting. We want to soar the skies, we try to transform like caterpillars into beautiful butterflies. We’re tired of seeing sadness, and listening to lies, while the hatred all around the world seems to be on a constant rise. But we never change, we try to make a mental picture of the world, we attempt to rearrange, the facts and the lies, to fit our point of view. We complain and we point out all the evil all the others do. But there are no others, just sisters and brothers. We need to be the change we wish to see, to be the lovers, who can manifest this great force. We need to speak what’s real, and then to remain real, with no remorse. We need to connect to the source, but for that we need to stop trying, of course. We all want to be the man, like Van, but what we don’t understand, is that we can’t do the right thing unless we’re guided by God Almighty’s hand. Any other attempt is damned. Without this divine power we’ll never be strong enough to take a stand. But look back at the struggles you’ve survived, look at all the helping hands, look at your parents, cheering you on, your biggest fans. Keep on moving like Bob Marley, and don’t look back at how many miles you ran. Just continue living in love, all throughout your lifespan. and give thanks to God, within and above. Even when sometimes it feels like you’re stuck in a labyrinth like Pam. You have to take control, because in a way, no one really gives a damn. They would if they could, and it’s not clear if they should, yet we can’t moan about it, it’s good for this to be fully understood. We all have to take responsibility for our actions, until we find that, apart from God, there’s simply no sincere satisfaction. Then we will, give in to the divine will, then we will follow what we know to be right. Then we’ll be like eagles, soaring high, up in the sky in flight. We’ll shine like the sun in the day, with no fear of the night, we’ll remain at peace, even if life becomes a fight. We’ll live in the moment, we won’t wish for more. We won’t see life as a competition, we’ll stop keeping score. We won’t hold grudges, we’ll have our own system. We’ll talk a lot less, and we’ll simply sit and listen. We won’t be sucked in to the sorrows of the world. We’ll devote ourselves to loving our little boys and girls, to providing them with everything they need, not just to survive, but to thrive, to live with integrity, not only to stay alive. For what is life, for a new generation of slaves to greed? Are more selfish human beings really what this planet needs? Do we need more lust? Is more violence a must? Do we have to teach our children that it pays to be unjust? Smile, life is only here for a little while, my life isn’t mine, neither is my wife or my child. I thank God for everything he’s given, and I acknowledge that God I wouldn’t be living. I humbly seek to learn from my mistakes, so that I won’t repeat. For me the meaning of life is to grow, to seek to know when to be quiet and when to speak. Life is a fun adventure, but it can’t be denied that it’s deep. For those us trying to climb the corporate ladder, or to reach happiness through the path of wealth and fame, the climb is steep, and the ball will always roll them back down, never to finish. We need to reconnect with our love for life, so that its divinity will stop being diminished. 

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 48.

~ Rebel Spirit 

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 46: Renunciation, Annihilation of the Will.

The whole human race, ashamed, afraid to look at each other’s face. Living to cause death, only killing time and taking up space. Some of us wish that we could disappear from the life we know, without a trace. We’re ready to throw the towel in, what a disgrace. We must use the past as motivation for the future, that’s why it can never be erased. But since we don’t know its purpose, when we recollect, the soul is suffering, the spirit is experiencing sorrow. We can’t live in the present, mentally stuck on the pain of the past, on a violent vision of a possible tomorrow. This is the danger of dwelling on a vision of illusion, which is the main cause for decisions that are made in delusion. We try to keep the mind steady, but the media has a plan of perfect intrusion. We need to remain focused on the real, to everything else’s exclusion. Their plan has been thought up in order to invade, to cast a dark and detrimental shade over everything that God has lovingly made. Some do it for pleasure and some are paid, they cause harm and agony, they gain their money from tearing apart an entire family. Their plan is to confuse creation, to enslave an entire generation, to have children thinking that they belong to a certain nation. We still haven’t realized the treasure, the amazing treasure that lies beyond pain and even all pleasure. We’ve learned and remained patient, yet we still haven’t understood the greatest annihilation, which is that of our own will and determination. The human will that causes people to be raped and killed, with no hesitation. The will is used for the purpose of implementing the interests of the greedy, within this corrupt system which will always need the needy. Why don’t things change already? Are we ready for change? Evil is on the rise, steady, coming up in popularity, where can we witness charity, where can we hide from humanity’s apparent demise? Where are those people on the pursuit of what is holy? Those who follow the inner Light only, who know the way, who attempt to further emancipate the minds of the masses every day. Where is the man who sits and talks to God at night, searching for direction? Alone, in the plane of heavenly peace, his soul starts to take flight, he is shown what must be done for correction. The realms of reality are familiar to him. The angels become his closest kin, he sees the nature and meaning of sin. He comes to recognize the rich reward for true renunciation, which can only be the greatest state of elevation. Levitation, calm, above pain, knowing that we are something much more than our nationality and name. Much more than what we’ve done, much bigger than the place from which we came, much brighter than the sun, much more complex than our father and mother’s son. We come from the essence, the fire that burns within all souls. Unfortunately we now live in profound ignorance of the power we all hold. That’s why we search but never find, we desperately try to take control. That’s why demons harass our minds, why we have trouble when trying to sleep, we feel empty and cold. Why we often don’t even know why we weep, these tears we can’t hold, so we let them flow. We remain at the surface, since we’re scared to go deep. To explore what subconsciously drives us, to understand what lies behind perception’s doors, what secrets do the mysteries keep, what do we hold in this mental store, aren’t you willing to take a peek? Connect with the source of all love and respect, the highest source from above, keep yourself in check, look beyond the intellect. Wisdom lies in seeing through, what’s ordinary to me and you, in seeing the essence, in understanding the significance of presence. Life is all a series of lessons, and even the toughest of tribulations are blessings, moments of incredible inspiration must be understood as divine presents. Let’s appreciate life, who we are, let’s understand that we don’t need to be celebrities or stars, in order to shine, we don’t need to get ahead in order not to fall behind. Life is not a competition, you can only outdo your past self. So let go of the fear, nurture your vision, set a goal for your mission, and take your skills off the shelf. Give life all you got, keep on moving and never stop, even when you look around you and you see the people’s hearts drop. Remain strong, along the way a lot of things are bound to go wrong. Use the pain, use the struggle, to gain, to learn to remain untroubled, to remain in God, even in the worst situations, to remain centered in your mind, and to refrain from useless conversation. We transmit consciousness through our brains like radio stations, we pick up the signal and we perceive it. We see, so we believe it. But often the realest things are those unseen, the symbolism hidden in our dreams. Sometimes we need to disconnect, from the stress and we need to realize that, yes, it is true what they say, the answer’s always been inside. Look inside, accept your limitations, there is nothing to hide. Life is a journey of self-realization. We all have problems and we all have expectations. But we don’t need these things. There are no problems if there are no expectations. Be yourself always, be honest with yourself, work on yourself, start a revolution in your own mind, this is all any of us can do. We can start a personal revolution, in order to inspire others to continue this spiritual evolution. Perhaps we can bring some good to this earth. Perhaps more people can wake up and see what life is truly worth. So, another thousand words are posted, now it’s time for me to go get toasted, to relax, and enjoy the now. Tomorrow’s a new day anyhow.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 47.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 44: Mentality Matures as we Grow and Learn.

Throughout my lifetime I’ve held many very different ideas at many different times. At a certain point I was determined to make it big as a rapper, to tour the world as a superstar and make incredibly popular music. I had a belief that nobody could stop me if I really set my mind to it. I still believe this, yet in my younger days, way, way back in the day, there simply was no doubt in my mind about whether I was going to make it or not. I was going to make it, without a doubt, because I had to. I grew up in a very ethical household, my parents really taught me most of the positive values and habits that make me who I am today. I strayed from their teachings from years, and I still do in some ways, but nowhere nearly as much as I did before. In my adolescent mind, their entire worldview was simply wrong. I didn’t give it much though though, I just didn’t follow it. I followed my own rules, which often meant breaking many rules, both imposed by my parents and by the law. I had no idea about people who try to live a life of righteousness to the best of their ability, I gave no thought to the deeper side of life, to all suffering that surrounds us, to how we must all do our best to uplift each other and to ease each other’s suffering. I did acknowledge all the suffering and evil in the world, but I only used my music to lash out at society, to blame the government or whoever is really running things, or to promote myself and my own ideas about not trusting anyone, about keeping your circle small and keeping it real and not fucking around with me. I was busy causing suffering myself, by stealing, whether sweaters at the mall or candy at the dollar store, or by fighting in the street or at school, or arguing at home, or disobeying and disregarding my parents and the way they felt about things. I was so inconsiderate, and I see that it was due to my mindset which had become completely corrupt. I was attempting to recreate a mental image that I had of myself, or rather who I thought I was, and I was acting out in unnecessary ways, always wanting to be the craziest one, the one who does the craziest shit or gets the most fucked up. I tried so many different drugs back in those days. I can’t say I’m done with all of them, but at least I don’t do them indiscriminately anymore, in big quantities and doses, mixing different kinds of substances. I’ve always done my research on these things, and by learning and experience I’ve come to learn what the differences are between many different kinds of psychoactive effects, which substances can be positive and not harm one’s body or mind, and which are simply poison, including crack/cocaine as well as most pharmaceuticals. I can’t say I regret my past, as I have learned a lot, and I’ve had a lot of good times. Pain and suffering, even ignorance, are all part of one’s life, at some times more than others. We usually mature as we age, as we learn, as we live and grow. This has been true for me. Perhaps I still got a long way to go in the process, but at least I’ve come this far. I no longer make music without attempting to provide a solution to the problems I address, I know longer party or try to hook up with random girls, since I’m not married and also don’t drink, probably for about a hundred days now. I can save more money, I don’t have to act a fool on a regular basis, and I don’t have to have my sadhana constantly interrupted by periods of guilt, shame, disgust, plus a terrible hangover and all it includes. I feel that I’ve done quite enough drinking in my life, and at this point I only smoke chronic, plus indulge in a productive psychedelic trip once in a while, in the comfortable set and setting of my own home, with my wife accompanying me, or sometimes as she sleeps. One must respect these substances and understand that partaking in drugs, even psychedelics, is no game. Psychedelics are more unpredictable than other kinds of drugs, and the trip they take a person on highly depends on one’s mindset, and set and their setting, as well as one’s expectations and underlying beliefs about the nature of the psychedelic experience. One must be fully aware in order to become totally immersed in a mystical psychedelic experience and reap the benefits of it afterward, if determination is applied to the trip’s revelations. I guess I can say I’ve changed a lot, for the better, over the years, partly by naturally maturing, and by reconsidering some of my parent’s advice, partly understanding that we all are on a search for God, for transcendence, and some of these realizations have become deeply ingrained in my consciousness because of my psychedelic trips throughout the years. I now read more, I research, I try not to talk about much nonsense, or indulge in petty or destructive conversation. I try to be constructive with all I do, and sometimes I fail at it, as old habits prevent me from behaving in the best way I know. Self-mastery is a slow process, and it is no easy task, but it is worth it. When I realized, a few years back, the extent to which I had gone in causing my parents grief, and setting a bad example for my brothers, I felt deeply ashamed of myself for it. For a few years I was consumed by the idea of paying them back for all that had done for me, to make up for what I had not done for them, such as being a good son. In some ways I was though, and in some I wasn’t. I’m glad to say I don’t feel so guilty now, as I’ve grown and I’ve learned, my relationship with my parents has only continued to get better. I can’t wait to see them again when Maria and I fly back to Canada.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 45.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 43: Maintaining A Happy Marriage.

Marriage can be something really special, if approached properly. The unification of two people as one, the commitment to make things work, to keep on moving through life’s hurdles together – these things are what create a truly unbreakable bond between two people. Before I got married, I did have some doubts about whether I would be making the right decision. I was only twenty-two, and many older people told me I was way too young, that I probably wasn’t seeing things in the proper light. I did take these comments into consideration, if only briefly, yet I didn’t let them faze me or cloud my judgment. I had to make this great decision on my own, I had an amazing girlfriend who was fully committed to me, who was down to earth and down to be there for me through thick and thin. I knew that it was time for me to return back home, and she didn’t have a visa to go with me. I knew that she was a decent girl in every sense, that her family would only really accept and respect me if we were married. Otherwise, there was no chance of her travelling anywhere with me. What could I do? I could appreciate this blessing and make things official after a period of working and saving u p some money, then returning to my birth country, or I could continue my life of partying and chasing thrills and girls in Vancouver, looking for wilder and wilder experiences, finding no true connection beyond the superficial. There was no doubt that we loved each other, just as we still do, whether married or not. The idea for the wedding so early in our relationship was really so that Maria could move back to Canada with me. We’re currently waiting on the paperwork to be processed, so in a couple more months, God willing, we should be catching a plane back to Vancouver. We aren’t intimidated by the changes that may come, even if my wife has never lived in cold weather. Honduras is known for its heat, so we will probably be getting her a lot of sweaters as soon as we arrive. I say that we aren’t intimidated by the changes that may come later in life since we are committed to each other and to always pushing through no matter what life may throw at us. In life, one always has a decision to make. Everything has a deeper dimension to it, every though, every idea, every connection, relationship, love. Everything can be approached in a superficial way, analyzed from a distance, from behind our twisted ways of perceiving all that we encounter, or it can be approached with respect, with a sincere attempt to fully understand, to become one with it, to really live each experience, and to fully live life as a whole. I knew that this was the time, I knew that she was the one. I knew that if I threw this away, then I would be throwing out something priceless, someone’s true love and affection, true commitment and connection, for random possibilities, for alcoholic hookups at clubs and house parties, for lonely nights surrounded by lots of shallow and empty-headed people. I knew that I had to make my life meaningful, that I had to honor the meaningful connection which had touched both our hearts and so greatly impacted both our lives during the time we spent together in Honduras. I can see now that U made the right decision, as following what we know is truly meaningful and worth pursuing can never steer us in the wrong direction. There’s less than a month left now until we celebrate our two year anniversary, so I know I have to think of something really special, not because of any obligation, but in order to show Maria how much I appreciate everything she means to me, everything she does as she keeps her part of the deal in this marriage game. Marriage is great for spiritual work as well, a firsthand experience of merging one’s life with someone else’s. The only way it can work is if each person sacrifices some things, sometimes, in order to be in agreement with the other. Each person should learn from one another, we should learn from our wife or husband’s strengths and weaknesses, just as we should learn from our own, and we should try to gently help each other out, so that we may cut some of the suffering of life from each other’s experience, as we share every tear and every laugh together, making tragedy more bearable, making love even more glorious. Random acts of kindness, always finding an opportunity to help, always telling each other how much you mean to each other, these are things that are needed to keep love flowing. Even after marriage, one should never become lazy and suddenly stop the old habits one previously had, habits which made both of you fall in love in the first place. If the love is true then even these issues can be worked out, yet much suffering is bound to arise in a marriage if either party is unable to properly show appreciation to other, to properly communicate his or her love and affection. Marriage provides an opportunity for us to become less selfish, to see another as my self, to learn what it means to care for another human being, to sacrifice our own petty pleasures at times, in order to satisfy someone else, to make them happy, to see them smile. These things create humility, they create more love where it already exists, they create a warm atmosphere where honest communication can take place. Marriage allows two people to learn how to fully accept another person, and also how to help them change for the better, if they want to change, without forcing any beliefs or any of our own values upon them, but rather trying to understand and to create connections, through compassion and through love and understanding, through acceptance and patience, through unconditional respect and support.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 44.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 42: First DMT Trip, No Breakthrough.

I tried DMT today for the firs time. I had given a friend some cash the other day in order for him to get me four acid tabs. Today he came to my house, he bought some bud, we took some bong hits and chilled a bit as usual. Before that though, we quickly took a ride in his car of over to his other friend’s house, it was really close to mine. I went because it turned out that this dude had some DMT, a substance I’d always wanted to try but had never gotten a hold of, even back in Canada. Buddy gave me my four tabs and told me his friend had wanted to trade some DMT for a tab. I asked my friend some questions about how it looked and some other things, and I assumed it was the real deal since he told me it was a yellow powdery kind of crystal, a description which reminded me of the photo I’d seen on the erowid website before. I checked it out once again on my phone and decided to go for a ride. Initially I didn’t plan on taking the DMT at the guy’s house, the guy who had it. Instead, I planned on taking it home and planning a nice trip. Maybe if I had done it this way I would have had a breakthrough experience, and sadly I didn’t. Although the trip was way too short, which was expected, it did get a bit intense for a minute or two, sort of like the peak of an acid trip but a bit more animated even. When we first arrived at that guy’s house I was surprised to see that it wasn’t a party, it was just the dude there with a pipe, taking a few tokes, some open beer cans on the table. I don’t know much about DMT use, although I have used other psychedelics quite a lot. I trusted that he was telling the truth when he told me that the amount of DMT which he gave me was about the same amount’s worth as the blotter tab I gave him for it. My friend wanted to do it, and I offered him a hit for himself, since that way I could at least see how he tripped and know if it was good stuff or not. The other guy said it was better to put it in a joint with some bud, and although I remembered I had actually read online that the most effective method was a pipe, we ended up going ahead with the joint. We put the DMT around the center of it so the flame wouldn’t burn the crystals upon sparking the joint, I lit it and started taking fat hits, expecting to see spirits and kaleidoscopic patterns flooding my entire vision, expecting mystical unity with the universe, ego death, I inhaled as strong as I could and held the smoke as well. I passed to my friend who started taking fat tokes also. Instantly as soon as I lit it I started feeling an energy creeping up from my legs, from me extremities, towards my center, things started to have patterns flowing through them, colors, lines and shades, reflections all looked way more defined, the dude who traded it with me for the acid didn’t hit the joint at all, he was just telling us to stop talking and to let the experience flow. He didn’t need to tell me, I had my eyes closed, smile on my face, letting the trip take over at that point. My friend kept telling us how it was hitting him, how nice it was, a lot of things. A few minutes later everything was back to normal. The feeling was overwhelming in the beginning, and we felt that we were getting way too high, so we put out the joint. I think this might have been our main mistake, apart from smoking it in a joint in the first place. If we would have blazed that jay all the way to the dome, together, in one sitting, without putting it out, we probably could have had a breakthrough. I think I wasn’t ready for it though. Initially I had planned to just take it home, then I ended up deciding to let go into it, to do it and to just be in the moment, in the experience. I didn’t feel like waiting to try DMT for the first time, so we went ahead and did it. The second time we lit the joint, and finished it now, the DMT hit almost the same as when we smoked the first half, perhaps just a bit more lightly, since we knew what to expect at that point. Maybe I’ll get some more in the future, although I’m going to investigate a bit more first, to find out about what really contributes to whether one has a breakthrough experience or not. It seems that it would only be worth it if the experience could be that intense, seeing as acid or mushrooms last much longer. A lot of substances, mostly the psychedelic ones, can be used in a safe setting, without much risk of danger to one’s health or to those surrounding us. I’ve been using psychedelics, every few months usually, for many years, and I know there’s lots that can be learned from the trips they take us on, if we are in the right mood, at the right time in our lives, and if we can let go and stop trying to control the experience, in much the same way as we must stop our obsession with always trying to control the whole of life. Life is unexpected, just like a psychedelic trip, and the way in which we perceive it depends quite a great deal on our minds, in much the same way as a psychedelic trip as well. Do your research, learn what is needed before you even plan on indulging in any substance. Knowledge is power, education is key to correct use of these tools.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 43.

~ Rebel Spirit 

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 41: Don’t Take Family for Granted.

I went to my cousin’s high school graduation today. They put up a video of some childhood photos for each of the kids who were graduating. It was great seeing him happy, enjoying his graduation ceremony along with friends. I don’t remember my own graduation ceremony, since I never went. I wasn’t invited, since I got kicked out of school, and finished my high school education online. Thankfully that was an option, and it ended up being for the best anyway, since I graduated even earlier than my classmates who didn’t get expelled. Putting my own past aside though, my cousin’s ceremony really brought up a good feeling within me, a feeling of true bonding between families, of children making their parents happy, of how great it is when a child actually wants to follow the path their parents hope they will follow. I could never relate to these things, although in a way I still wish I could. I’ve always wanted to do my own thing, and it didn’t always end up with in the greatest of situations. I do know the joy that comes from a family spending time together and simply getting along though, a feeling of unconditional love and support. We often spend a lifetime searching for this in other people, searching for the group of people with whom we’ll feel comfortable, who we can be ourselves with. It turns into a crazy kind of desperation for us, even for many people who already have this love available in their family, yet have always taken it for granted. Sometimes, we feel ashamed to be ourselves with our families, since we come to feel guilty for taking, taking, taking so much without giving back even half as much. We feel as though we’ve got to pay them back for all the wonderful things they’ve done for us. Someone who is an amazing example for us of how to live life is now avoided because they we feel a deep sense of shame when we’re around them, we know that they have been there for us through the worst of times, and that they truly know us. We shouldn’t feel any shame regarding this however, our families are the few people who we can truly be vulnerable with. We can’t always trust everyone we meet, we can’t share our feelings with every person we find on the street, yet most of us are provided with people who unconditionally love and support us right from the get-go, from the moment that first breath is taken, and even before then. Yes, it’s true that sometimes parents can be a bit too controlling, but unless there is something really serious going on, physical or emotional or unspeakable kind of abuse, unless this is the case then a person has no excuse to completely disregard a parent who only wants what’s the best for them. This doesn’t mean that their advice, or their opinions, should be our own, and that they should be followed without fault even after we reach adulthood. It means, however, that we should carefully consider their ideas, sometimes people who have known us for a long time might see things about ourselves that we can’t see, being so caught up in our own personal drama, unable to look at things from a different perspective than our own. This is exactly what was going on with my parents and I during my high school years. I loved them so much, I still do and always will, and I couldn’t bear to let them know that I was completely disregarding their advice, that I was doing things, consciously doing things, which to them were completely outrageous, things that no one in their right mind would do. Looking back on some of those things, I see that in some ways they were right. In some they were wrong, and some of those habits I still have today, but a lot of times they were right. I couldn’t see they were right though, I was too blind to see what was going on in my own stupid lifestyle, so I ignored what they said, I ignored their pain and suffering because the pleasure of the trance I was caught up in was too heavy, it was too euphoric to escape from, no matter how wrong I knew I was. I think of them quietly sitting at home, suffering for my actions, the actions of an ungrateful, rebellious teenager who just couldn’t stop getting into senseless troubles. I think of my mother’s tears, of my father’s temper towards everyone at home, stressed about my situation. Ignorance is bliss, and I wasn’t there with them, suffering with them, as we are supposed to do with our family members. Instead, I was the very reason for their suffering, and I was laughing all along, laughing harder and harder to make sure I wouldn’t cry. But sometimes I would trip, and I would eventually cry. I would think back of times, such as today’s graduation, times in my own life when I saw my mother smile, proud of her firstborn son, when I heard my father cheer me on as a child. I thought back on times of severe stress, of fighting and fussing and yelling at home, of sadness and silence, of rainy days, tormented by the consequences of my own actions, the suffering doubled by the fact that I had spread it throughout my household, that I was the cause of so much pain. If only the pain was all my own, then I could deal with the consequences on my own. If only I could leave, then I would be the only one responsible, the only one held accountable, but the only one suffering, the only one enjoying and suffering. That would be just fine by me. I couldn’t wait to leave from my parents’ home and party every night and suffer every morning, alone, without thinking about reality. Such is the state of many young people, for me it’s taken a few years to even begin escaping from that state of mind, but I’m making progress. We all need help sometimes, and I know it’s tempting to behave as if we’re all along, us against the world, and that we’ll make it on our own, that we’ll show them. Keep cool though, put your pride to the side, and appreciate those who love you, even if they disagree with you, even if they annoy you. Try your best to understand them, to truly listen, especially to your family. Give them a chance, build a stronger bond, family is meant to help each other. Don’t take them for granted and always do your best to keep the peace with them.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 42.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 40: Stay Awake.

Stay awake until the final second, until my head falls and takes my body along with it, the movement waking me in mid-air just in time to save me from cracking my head on the floor or the edge of the table. Sometimes we stay up just to stay up, just to keep time ticking, to feel like it’s still going. We can’t simply call it a day and head to bed, or take twenty minutes to analyze our day and then head to sleep. We have time for everything other than order though. We fall asleep and we don’t remember what time we fell at sleep at, since we were already half asleep while we were still doing things, still surfing the net, nodding off. Why are we always searching for more? Why can’t we be at peace, even in our own rooms? A crazy, constant search for stimulation, a lack of appreciation of what we already have, an inability to slow down and enjoy the little things, to explore the wonders all around us. When I was younger and still living with my parents I would often come home and shut myself in my room, reading about all sorts of cool places and things to do around the world, wishing I could be somewhere else. Now, even though I absolutely love living with my wife and being independent from my parents, I do miss our moments together at my old home, all the great times we had growing up, and the great times that could have been, had I appreciated what I had. It’s sad to see it happen, yet it’s a common pattern of behavior, that as young children grow into adolescence, they become so caught up in social life, in peer pressure, in keeping up an image, in being with so-called friends at all times, always out and about, that they forget about their parents and how things used to be between them. Children’s impulsive behavior can lead them to act in risky ways, in ways that might make it seem like they don’t appreciate their parents’ dedication towards them, and it is precisely because they are growing up and feeling like they belong, like they are popular, or that their reputation is now at stake, depending on everything they do or don’t do, every event they attend or miss out on. In a teenager’s world, everyone wants to be in on everything, and it is also like this in the world of anyone who lives off of other’s impressions and ideas about them. Too many people live lives of fear, they require certain things, certain conditions to be met, during every interaction or social situation, in order to feel like they belong, in order to feel secure about who they are what they are trying to represent. People don’t know who they are, they know about their inner chaos very well, yet they haven’t taken the time to analyze it and to understand it, they haven’t done the work, and have preferred to run from it instead. Self-analysis is tough love, self-love, self-care to the highest degree. When we can be honest with ourselves, that means we have a loyal friend who we can probably trust, probably something like ninety-nine percent of the time (we all lie to ourselves sometimes, even in the smallest matters). If we can’t come to terms with all the aspects of who we are then we are forever destined to look for external meaning to no avail. Your life’s meaning can never, will never, be found externally, in some group or some organization, in becoming something new, in doing something new, in acquiring some new possession. Only you can do the necessary work, can go through the inner process, which will allow you to submit who you are, your strengths and weaknesses, to the divine will, and to trust and have faith in the process, doing your best and expecting the best out of every situation, especially every bad one. Only then will you find peace. Other than in this divine peace, there is nothing else which is peaceful outside of it. We are always searching for a high, for a thrill, for a stimulus to respond to. There is a space between stimulus and response, as Viktor Frankl stated, yet very few of us are familiar with it. In many cases we respond before the stimulus has even finished taking it effect on us. We always want more, we want to hear more, not necessarily to listen more, but then we want to talk even more, much more than we want to hear. We all believe in something, we all want others to believe in the same thing, so that others might be saved, so that others might come to know the truth, so that they may escape suffering. But we are all neurotic, we are all constantly on the move because we can’t really stand the truth, we can’t stand the silence, and the pain of solitude, we can’t stand being stripped away of all that makes our identity, of all that seems to make us who we are. We are not prepared to stand naked in the face of adversity, in the face of others, in the face of our own higher selves. We are all imperfect, sinners if that’s what we wish to call ourselves, we have missed the mark. We have all fallen victim to temptation, to the Satan within ourselves, to the little devil on our shoulder. We have all placed our own pleasure above whatever was the right thing to do at the time, we have all considered taking revenge, or have in fact taken revenge, against someone who has seemingly harmed us. Indeed, many can attempt to harm us, and it will seem as if they have succeeded. They can succeed in harming us, for we cannot control the actions of a criminal, or a murderer, yet whether they succeed in robbing us of our inner peace is completely up to us. For this reason, we must stay awake at all times, alert to what may possibly be the cause of our downfall, if left unchecked. 

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 41.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 39: Mental Manipulation.

Minds are misled by mess media manipulation. Sex and violence sell successfully across the radio station. Across the TV sets and the tablets. Feelings of having not escape, like a bad trip, seem to plague us all. The tower we’ve been building is about to fall. Will the world end in fire, upon hearing God’s call? Or will it continue on, indefinitely marching on, always to a different song? Examine the signs of the times, history is always in the making. Petty pleasures and pains petrify us, they put us in the perfect position to become followers of petty philosophies that carry us far away from the paths we would choose to roam. We don’t know who we are, we don’t know what’s home, we never feel at home. Restless, reckless and regretting most of what we do, finding we have been living a lie, now we’ve gotta see the consequences through. Those who don’t wish us well, we must not be blind to. Yet we must not live in fear of them. We must remain grounded in the Now, in the right here. Preoccupation with the secret powers that run the nation, the corporations and the new world order organizations, the conspiracies and the facts, what good can they do for us, in our own lives? We must be aware that there are many who are committed to keeping us down. For a few to remain at the top, the many at the bottom must suffer quite often. When money is the motivation, when consumer culture is deified by society, products are now seen as necessities, since we feel all kinds of doubts and insecurities. We use the system as a crutch, and we shy away from anything that threatens our financial security. We live for status, for a title or a name to represent, to have a name that means something to people. We’ve all been manipulated into thinking this all matters much more than it really does. The best things in life truly are free, and the best of the best can be found within ourselves, and in others, when we know how to inspire the best in them, or when they can inspire themselves. Inspiration lives at the heart of all human beings, but it’s necessary for us to have an understanding of it. The struggle of life is real, and pretending that it isn’t, and making a commitment of living the life of someone who’s given up on life, simply isn’t going to make reality go away. We must all find our inspiration to live life. Although we live in a messed up world where people want to keep us shackled, we can never act as if we are victims of the system. Although much suffering is endured by us all due to the way things are, we have no one really to blame but ourselves, as humanity, as a collective force on this planet. At the heart of the issue however, there is no one to really blame, no reason to seek blame and to cause feeling of guilt. Each one of us must take full responsibility for his or her life, and must come to terms with the cold, hard fact that everything, absolutely everything, I do will be the cause of one or more effects, everything will have a consequence, will change me as well as the world around me and beyond in one way or another. We need to break free of the programming that has been injected into our minds, of the garbage which is stored up in our psyche, of the putrefaction that’s building up as all the new garbage mounts up on top of the older garbage. The rotting garbage mixes, and toxic thoughts invade an otherwise peaceful state of mind. Seemingly out of nowhere, evil thoughts or restless and bothersome feelings arise, with great persistence, afflicting the conscience, with no clear or apparent reason. The effects of our thoughts, consciously and subconsciously connecting within our brains, we cannot see. But these events are taking place, the computer which you carry in your head is always processing all kinds of data, sensory data, spiritual data, always creating new connections and shaping new pathways for energy to move through. I’m not an expert on the matter, but it blows my mind. The sophisticated way it all runs, the mind is a complex but marvelous machine, not created by human hands. We must understand it and keep it free of as much garbage as possible, we must not abuse it, we must use it as the tool that it is, to facilitate us in reaching the ultimate goal in life, not our ultimate goal necessarily, but The ultimate goal of total union with the divine. As we even begin to the develop the basic requirements of reason which are needed in order to even embark on such a journey, we come to a greater sense of control of our own mental faculties, we feel the deep significance of life, and we know that we are blessed to be as we are now, that at this very moment, we have a golden opportunity, perhaps the only one we’ll ever get, to live and to live better than we did yesterday, to be freer, to choose freedom instead of chains, to think and to analyze, to find the inner strength within us to be honest with ourselves, to be true with ourselves about what needs to be done, and then to be strong enough to carry it out, merging with the Divine will, understanding that there is always a much greater reward than simple pleasure in this earthly plane. Once we transcend the petty chase of pleasure, the run away as far away from possible from pain and sacrifice, then we will be ready to feel this true connection. Let us guard our minds against the attacks of those who want to turn them into consumer machines, and let us remain alert in order to seek new ways to expand our consciousness by filling our minds with the right ideas. 

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 39.

~ Rebel Spirit

 

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 38: Philosophy and The Meaning of Life.

Philosophy is great, but it can be dangerous. Everything is usually great and has the potential to be dangerous if used in the wrong ways, or by the wrong people at the wrong time. But we all must philosophize, at least personally, about our own lives, in order to create some kind of order. We all need to have a meaning in life, and simply living, loving our family and friends, and being the best we can be is possibly the greatest source of meaning we can find, other than sincerely searching for, and finally finding, God. How should we give meaning to our lives though? Some argue that life has no meaning, yet I notice that even these people try to improve their personalities in some way. If life was truly meaningless, then what would be the point of trying to better ourselves, to try to create order from chaos in our own lives. The only way we can come to this realization of order is by analyzing, by understanding the philosophies of the world and the ones we have subscribed to, unknowingly, over the years. Then what we need to do is to develop new habits, ones that will allow us to break free from an often nihilistic and depressing viewpoint of life, and to embrace the fact that, in reality, life has much more meaning than they were previously willing to admit. The mere system of union between a loving couple, of procreation and of life continuing in a family, of parents raising and unconditionally loving their children until they grow, instilling love into their children’s hearts with their very own actions. There is a flip side however, as there is to everything in this world of duality, as parents can impose their destructive beliefs onto their children, even without knowing it at times, by being bad examples when confronted with any given situation. The point is that, one cannot ignore the great significance of this unity between two people, to complement each other throughout their lives, to learn what it means to truly have to sacrifice yourself for someone at times, especially when children come along. Then these children take the best and the worst of both parents, plus a whole lot from its own unique environment as well, and blends all of it together to create a new person, who might very likely be a new family man or woman. And so life goes on, indefinitely. What for though? Are we free to assign meaning to anything and everything, just as we please, trusting everything we believe to be true? In a way, yes, we are all free to find meaning in our own lives, and we should definitely do this, we should never ignore or depreciate those blessings which have been ours all along, some of which we have actively neglected for so long. One example is when we try to act tough, so we try to stop being vulnerable, we try to stop connecting with people, we feel that there is no point to life, or to play the game of life with all these people around us. It’s tempting to feel like this sometimes, like a lone wolf, like it’s me against the world. I used to have this mentality back in the days a lot, I felt alone against forces which were beyond me. I’m glad I’ve overcome that now, for the most part, as I understand that life is, without a doubt, a collaborative experience, and that connections between people should be nurtured and appreciated, that for true communication to take place, we need to be true to ourselves and to those we interact with. If we play a part everywhere we go then no one will ever know the real you, they will only know fragments of you at each place, depending on how much of that true self you let show at each event. We need to come to terms with who we are, and what we are in this life. We need to understand that every human life matters equally, but that no one is superior to anybody else or matters more. We agree with this, yet we ignore the fact that, in any situation of danger, we would always look out for ourselves. We would attempt to save only those of our immediate family, our loved ones, precisely because of that, because we love them. Love compels us to go beyond our selfish self, beyond our personality and to connect, to truly feel a connection, between who we are, and who somebody else is. This love is usually complicated enough between two people, but if it’s true it will endure through the storms. What if an equally true love, but on a different scale, not in a romantic sense, but an even more complete love, a Divine love, existed and could be realized by all human beings if only we understood and truly felt a connection between our lives and those of other human beings, random people to us? After all, we are random people to them, and so are all the people we love. They would sacrifice all of us in the blink of an eye to save those they themselves love, should the tragic situation arise. We can never truly escape from this love of ourselves while we live in this world, or perhaps we can, but not living in this society. We must exchange love for the self, for love of the Self, and we must be the light that shines eternally everywhere we go, being an example of humility and love that people can feel the truth in, that people can feel inspired by. Philosophize and understand, realize that people have been attempting to figure out the meaning of life for millennia, and that philosophy and all the various religions are the result of this fact. We all feel that there’s something more to life, and that is why we try to life a meaningful life, or at least one that means something to us. Don’t give up on your life before you truly look at the value which is hidden in every crack, in every bad habit, in every problem you keep on facing, in every issue with a family member or friend, in every blessing and every love, in every enemy and friend. What does a friend mean to you, or an enemy? Is there such a thing? Reflect, philosophize, experiment, observe. Take your life in your hands, but remain humble, under the Higher Power which has given you the opportunity to live, and to even try to understand.

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 37: Forget About Enlightenment and Live Your Life!

Stop worrying about achieving enlightenment, and focus on being in the moment instead. Focus on living your own life to the fullest extent, to the best of your abilities, with no excuses, at all times. Too many people are seeking thrills from so-called spirituality, boosting their egos up with fancy new terms, pretending to fully understand ancient concepts. Nowadays people make money off of spirituality just as with any other service, it’s all been commercialized now. The answer is not in some training program though, or in some spirituality course. The answer can only be found in your own Spirit, the Spirit of God living within you. Can you not feel God’s presence within you? Are you blind to your own goodness, to your own consciousness? Remove the blindfolds then, and behold, be honest with yourself and complete, look at you through God’s ayes, feel your oneness with all beings in Spirit. See that the suffering you can go through could be anyone else’s. We all go through problems while we live our lives, and some of us are stronger than others and are able to find better coping mechanisms than them. Many go down a very dark path of destruction, whether of self or of others. They are caught up in negative emotions, in feelings of hate, of extreme hopelessness, of being alone in a cold world. Understand that everything depends on how we handle each situation. Everything changes, so each decision leads to a new condition of life, and slowly but surely we create the lives we wish to live. On the flip side, we can create a life which we’ll later blame God for, claiming to have no idea how things could have gone so horribly wrong. So make the right decisions now, while you still have the chance to do so. No one will pay for your mistakes but yourself, yet you are bound to bring others down with you with each bad decision, just as everyone else will bring you down with their bad behavior. Let go of the cynicism and understand that, as you help to normalize negativity, others are bound to do the same, and soon we will all be at risk, we will all think we are fine, that we are normal, yet we will be living in an insane and dangerous society, one whose values are upside down. Aren’t these the times we are living in now? Stop looking for the answer here and there, stop treating spiritual matters as a game, as if you can advance from level to level, ascending and becoming some kind of divine teacher who reads peoples futures or commands others what to do at all times. Be humble, acknowledge your limitations and don’t flaunt your talents, use them when necessary. Understand that fools love to talk much, remain observant and alert, alive in the Spirit, unshaken by all the stupidity that might surround us at any given moment. Life becomes a moving meditation, writing a sitting meditation, cooking and making tea or coffee are standing meditations. Feel the moment, whether there’s nothing that seems to important currently going on, or whether you’re going through the biggest crisis you could ever possibly face, remain grounded in your awareness that this too shall pass, and that everything has a lesson to teach. Don’t feel entitled, don’t fight life’s process, however painful it may be, don’t complain, feel all the suffering and pain, but understand is as necessary. A lesson can be learned from every tragedy, and all can rise from the bottom of the deepest pit and ascend to the top of an empire like Joseph, all of us have been granted the ability to rise again, time and time again, just like a fiery phoenix. This is enough to challenge us for the rest of our lives, learning to live with acceptance, submitting our will to the Divine will, to things we cannot understand. Being content with events which we can only analyze over and over in order to learn from, or moments we can only cherish in memory now. What need do we have then to conjure up spirits back from the dead, to do great feats before the eyes of the masses, to spread the word of some religion or ideology wherever we may go, if we have not mastered our own minds, if we haven’t yet learned to be truly humble and accepting of life in every way we perceive it? We will fall, we will easily be deceived, we will think ourselves powerful, yet we will be nothing but puppets for the system, or even for evil spirits, who knows? Spiritual learning is nothing without true humility, without a true commitment to truth, without love for humanity, with cynicism towards life, with evil intentions towards others. No advancement can be made if the requirements to reach the goal are not followed. True bliss comes from the feeling of being rid of all impurity, or at least of most of it, knowing we have tried and struggled but succeeded in the end, from feeling that we are truly connected with the Divine Will, not from acting totally against it. We cannot feel God’s presence within us if we ignore the goodness of our own Spirit. We sometimes choose to ignore our intuition for reasons such as impressing others, or simply blindly following others against our better judgment. We can’t trust others to make decisions for us, we need to be always alert and we need to understand that we have to make the correct decisions for our own lives, each and every one of us, at all times. We are all imperfect as we live in this earthly life, and we all feel this illusion of separateness. It is the reason why we try to learn special skills, why we are so interested in the dark and mysterious at times, since we want to feel like we possess some special, or hidden, knowledge. We can now use this knowledge or wisdom to elevate our consciousness, and therefore our own lives, to a higher level. This is most people’s mentality, and it simply stops there. Not a single thought about using this new knowledge or energy for good, or to give back to the community by creating actual positive change. People want to achieve the condition of no-self, by following purely selfish pursuits, and it just doesn’t work that way.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 38.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 36: What Do Adam and Eve Stand For?

The Fall of Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden makes me wonder about a lot of things. Of course, Christians claim it is simply a literal account of how the world was created by God. I don’t regard any belief as false, but I think it might just be possible that there’s much more to it than that. Why did women start giving labor in pain only after God cursed Eve for disobeying his commandment? Why was this also the point in the story when they were commanded to work the earth? Could it be that this was the time when “Adam and Eve” became incarnated beings, the time when time began, so to speak, when souls entered into male and female bodies and populated the earth? This is a similar concept to the Kabbalist idea of tzim-tzum, the big bang which took place due to God contracting his total goodness, thereby removing it from a certain place in time in space, creating the Earth, a world motivated by infinite desire, all beings feeling the emptiness of having lost God’s all-encompassing love. This is believed to be the reason why most of us experience a spiritual impulse at some point in our lives, why religion has arisen since the dawn of time and continues to pop up in every part of the planet, since we long to reconnect with God, with the creator. Could Adam and Eve also represent masculine and feminine forces, both which are found within each person, positive and negative, the yin and the yang? Could the story of the creation of Adam, and then Eve from his ribs, be a way of symbolizing the fact that both forces need to connect, that one can’t be without the other? After all, a man and a woman connect to create a new life on this planet. Nobody knows how this conjures up consciousness into a new body, nobody knows the complete process whereby a cranium is developed to hold that consciousness, or actually the brain that will receive, or perceive, that consciousness. It all just happens, a higher intelligence takes care of all we take for granted. All we need to do is get together and make love, ideally while we are in love. This disregard for connection, yet global obsession with sex at the same time, is creating a lot of problems as unexpected and often unwanted children are being born, and their parents either give them up for adoption, or much worse, go in for an abortion. If they choose to keep the child, he or she usually grows up in a tense environment, if the parents are teenagers there are usually lots of problems with parents and they end up separating. This ruins the experience of childhood for many kids, and it ruins many people’s adult lives as well, as experiences of fear or trauma or too much stress and disagreement in the air can cause psychological or emotional problems in young children’s minds. But of course, these parents never thought about the idea of truly connecting with someone else, in order to start a family and take care of a new life. All they did was let themselves go, into all kinds of pleasures, desensitized from all possible consequences, living as if life is nothing but a dream. If more people treated the subject of sex with respect, if they truly understood the sanctity of love and true connection between two people who support each other, then maybe people wouldn’t abuse it so much, and many of these problems could be avoided. Quick and stupid decisions have consequences that last for generations. I got a little bit off course there, but on another note about Adam and Eve, could they also signify the good and evil of life? We already wondered about the positive and negative poles. The Law of Polarity is one of the seven hermetic principles, as well as The Principle of Gender. Good and evil could be part of this as well, since no one really know what real good really is, the truest good which is beyond both the good and the evil of duality. This is a planet of polarity, and maybe we need to find balance between good and evil by understanding both pain and pleasure and becoming indifferent to them, understanding that there is a higher essence above them. Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, so was there already good and evil, or did they begin when they ate from the fruit? Did they simply become aware of these concepts, of good and of evil, and that this knowledge came along with free will, with human life, with the life of suffering which we all live in, according to the Buddha? Why must the nature of life be one of suffering, why must no earthly good completely satisfy? There must have been some initial mistake, and Adam and Eve’s mistake seems to be one that impacted generations for millions, or possibly billions, of years? But how could they have chosen to disobey God in the first place and eat from the forbidden fruit, if they didn’t yet have free will? So, I don’t really know. Where these really human beings, or angels, or mythological characters, personifications of certain concepts? Could a happy marriage be the highest we can achieve in life? Could it be some kind of way for us to fully connect our opposite energies, if we do it in the spirit of true love, and to feel a connection that resembles the connection between Spirit and God, between the Atman and Brahman, the lover and the beloved? Could marriage, just as sex, be divine symbols for the connections that must be joined in balance, during this life, in order for us to live correctly, or of the physical body parts that must be joined in order for life to even continue? We can never know, but we can study and maybe one day we’ll come to a more complete conclusion.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 37.

~ Rebel Spirit

 

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 35: The Power of Change.

Changes. Life is made up of changes, yet it is a movie that plays on a screen, a screen which stands still like the ones at the movie theater do. All action takes place in peace, as peace is the underlying state of mind of humanity. We’ve created such a thing as anxiety, and we’ve come up with so many possible methods of attempting to get rid of perceived problems, many of them real threats, that we’re all tangled up, we don’t know what we’re really doing so we create even more problems, maybe two or three more as we struggle to solve one. Problems seem to multiply. The main problem is that we do too many things without any true reflection on the decisions we make before we act on them. Whenever we say or do something, we have no way of being sure what the exact consequences will be. Words and deeds can be perceived in various ways by all kinds of people, they can be interpreted differently and taken to mean the exact opposite of what they actually mean. We can take an educated guess of what will happen if we do certain things in life, but ultimately, things happen unexpectedly, and the most life-changing situations of connections happen at seemingly random times very often, in the least probable of all places. One thing we can be sure of though, is that whenever we say or do anything, we are causing things to change. The thoughts of a teacher will be absorbed into the minds of each student who is paying attention, yet the data which is being stored will connect differently with the data which is already present in the mind of each individual student, and each can react very differently to any new piece of information which is recently learned. Much of what shapes our decisions in life actually comes from our subconscious, and often it’s as if it knew what we needed and it found a way to provide it for us. So, everything we say is being registered, consciously or unconsciously, by those around us, and it is bound to change their thinking in some way, even if only for the next few seconds. A split second is all that is needed to radically alter a lifetime. Every thought we think is preventing other thoughts from coming to our attention, and so every thought, every perception, is causing a change in our life and mind forever. We must think about the consequences of our actions before we do anything, since change is sure to follow any action. Thoughts lead to actions, and actions, if repeated, lead to habits. We take everything for granted nowadays, and so it’s no wonder that we’ve forgotten about these truths. We’ve forgotten about our power to make positive change happen. We are so caught up in our own ideas and our own survival that we are unbelievably blind to our own inner power. If we only knew how much power we hold in our voice, just to what extent we can use our words to create reality, if we were only ready to take full responsibility for each thought and action, if we were prepared to come to grips with what we truly are, children of God, carrying the divine light everywhere we go, submitting to the divine will and allowing it to work through us as vessels of the One Spirit. We need to stop taking ourselves so seriously, in order that we shall once again be able to make clear-headed decisions, without the weight of either depression or doubt or anxiety holding us down. Yes, everything we do affects everything else. Everything you do affects everything else, and everything everyone does affects our lives and those of everybody else. We are all interconnected, all causing change to happen. If we treat others like trash, then we shouldn’t be surprised when the years go by and we start to really feel like trash ourselves. What goes around comes around, and everything that goes up must come down. Everything is repaid, there is no need for us to seek any sort of vengeance against another being. Vengeance is God’s, and justice, whatever it means. This doesn’t mean we should be happy because our enemy will eventually suffer either. Forgive as you have been forgiven. We have all been forgiven, for none of us are perfect. We forgive ourselves every time we promise that we will try again, that we will try harder, that it’ll be for real this time, without a doubt. We forgive ourselves as we rise every day, we accept the decisions we’ve made once their consequences become apparent in life’s continuous changes. One thing leads to another, or to many other things. Change is only a mental understanding of the concept of time, which is really only on our earthly plane. In truth, there is no change. Life is constantly recreating itself, yet it is always life, becoming manifest in everything that is good and pure. We do good and we do much evil, we change the course of destiny and we change millions of people’s hearts for generations to come, we change the way the people of the future will feel when they read of the past. In truth though, everything is what we choose to make it, and while we live on this planet we cannot ignore the fact that we must make changes in the world we’ve come to inhabit. So while we’re at it, we better make the right changes. We can achieve this only with true self-analysis, true reflection, in all honesty, hiding nothing from the true Self, the Spirit which dwells in the body as well as outside it, that knows all and can never be deceived or completely destroyed, without which there is no life. Understand that change is real to us in this dimension, yet all change is nothing but the now if it is understood as part of the process of enlightenment, necessary for us to properly follow our path.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 36.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 34: Why Do You Write?

How can we speak our minds about the most important subjects affecting our world today? People seem to get offended by everything, everyone’s statements need to be politically correct. If you don’t agree with the majority then there’s something wrong with you, or you’re branded an enemy of society, of freedom, of equality. Sometimes we’re afraid to really get down to business, so we write about trivial things that barely matter in real life. We all look for distractions to help us escape the harsh reality of life on this planet, but should writers write in order to provide that distraction, or rather to wake their readers up and alert them that they better leave the distractions alone and see what’s really going on before it’s too late? Is it a writer’s responsibility to bring awareness to the issues that are affecting his world? I don’t necessarily think so. Everyone is free to choose what they really want from their life or career, and if people want to get lost in a book about distractions then there should be writers to provide them. Distractions will always be a necessity for people, to avoid facing the truth about certain issues, both in our personal lives and in our world as a whole. Writing, being a creative activity, can be used for many different things. A writer isn’t obligated to write about current events and problems, or about what we can do, or should do, to solve them, but even if we aren’t obligated to write about these things, we would really be elevating our art if we choose to do so. We shouldn’t do it in a cynical manner, or in a negative or offensive way, we should simply state the facts and offer a solution when one seems possible. Bringing awareness to only problems is doing nothing but making people angry, creating distrust among all people, tension and more disagreement. If we can offer a solution however, then we are really in a position to make big changes happen in society, if not now then maybe in the long run, at some point in the future. We can all do great things during our lifetime, yet we don’t all make the right decisions in order to make wonderful changes happen. Something we are all able to do though, at any point, is to write down our noblest thoughts and to share them with others. Ideas that are truly godly have a way of enduring, their very truth ensures that they will be passed on from generation to generation, and that they may even inspire entire movements of people to create organizations and institutions. Even if we don’t see things change much during our own lifetimes, the words we write down are able to transcend time and to create a real revolution in the future. We don’t need to be masters of the English language in order to get some ideas down on paper, or on a computer, or even on a cell phone. I bet that so many authors from the past had no clue that their work would still be studied today by thousands of people, even thousands of years after they wrote them. Marcus Aurelius’s ‘Meditations’, for example, was simply a collection of personal notes he had written to himself. These words were then found and published, and we have access to various different translations of them today. I myself have been inspired by so many ancient texts, and it’s incredible to think that there is real understanding between myself and someone who lived thousands of years before me, in a different culture at a different time in history, under much different conditions than my own. This shows me that truth and reason will never die, that the same truths that the ancients were well aware of are perceptible to us even today, and that it can and should be transmitted to the people of tomorrow, so that they may recognize truth as well when they read it, thereby becoming inspired to find the truth within themselves. The sayings of Buddha are so similar to those of Jesus, who lived about six hundred years earlier, and many of the great Greek philosophers wrote great passages which help us comprehend much of the philosophy we know today. Wisdom from the past has been essential to keeping truth alive in the hearts of many people, even in our modern day society which makes it so hard to connect with truth. We as writers have the power to inspire generations even thousands of years after we die. If we get no recognition for our great work during our earthly life then so be it, at least we will create a better world for the people of the future. We should let go of our attachment to the fruits of labor anyway and practice Karma Yoga, consecrating all our work, our writing, to God, to the greatest power in the universe, the source of it all. We can never go wrong when we do this, and understanding that we are working for the Supreme Being, we automatically feel the responsibility to convey truth in our work in any way we can. We know that words truly can create life or death, and we understand that the decision is ours. We have to remain rooted in that power which we write for, we need to disconnect from the fears and doubts of our petty personality, and we need to write what needs to be written, we need to speak what needs to be spoken. Truth is essential to life, for life without truth cannot truly be called life, it is the worse kind of death there can be, spiritual death. So I urge all of you writers, write about what you find interesting, about what you love, but always be on the look-out for ways in which you can incorporate truth into your material. Think of the thoughts that your words may conjure up in people’s minds, are they thoughts of life, or of death, of love or of hate, will they help to rebuild our planet, or are they words of destruction? The ability to write and effectively convey ideas is a divine gift, don’t waste it, use it to your maximum potential.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 34.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 33: Still Sick and Wondering Why.

Still feeling sick. I think I really gotta get to the hospital soon to be honest, since every day I seem to feel the same thing. The strange thing is that, all day today I felt no symptoms. I felt great a lot of the time, I was finally able to help customers out with a good attitude over the phone. The past few days I’d had to disconnect myself since I felt no drive to speak with the customers, and also the air conditioner was way too cold for me to endure. I just went and sat outside and listened to a few songs before a mild headache started. Today everything was fine during the morning, and even while I was at work. When I got home everything was alright also, then I started feeling a bit cold, even though only the fan is on. I undoubtedly have a fever now, although it isn’t as severe as other days. This weak feeling makes my eyes burn every once in a while, and I really thought that today would be the day when I’d fail my goal of writing a thousand words a day. I dropped down on my bed for a while with Maria by my side, both comfortable and happy to be home from work. As we talked about a lot of things, that’s when my fever began to start. We ate, and read a Bible chapter of Ezra, the book we’re currently on. The only goals left to do are my writing and my twenty-minute meditation. I usually meditate in the mornings since Maria goes in to work before me, although we come home at the same time. Today I didn’t meditate at that time since i was completely absorbed by my reading of Huxley’s ‘The Perennial Philosophy.’ I also read today’s sutra on mindfulness of breathing. So most of my morning consisted of reading. I took out the trash as well, since the garbage truck comes by the house today. It comes by three days of the week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday, so we gotta remember to take out the trash on each of those days so it doesn’t accumulate. I ate some oatmeal in the morning also, which I prepared with honey, cold water and a bit of cinnamon. I’ve been trying to eat healthier to see if I can catch up on some of the nutrients and vitamins I may be missing, maybe that’s the reason for this illness I’ve been experiencing. What really motivated me to write right now, to not lose the goal no matter how I may be feeling, was something which I mentioned during the conversation I just had in bed with Maria. I mentioned that, if I continue writing every single day, when I’m older, even elderly, I will be able to look back on my thoughts during different stages of my development, and I will be able to learn from my past ideas and thoughts, to change what is necessary, and to remind myself of the useful things I’ve jotted down throughout the years. So, instead of allowing my fever to hold me back from continuing my goal which I’ve worked so diligently on for thirty plus days now, I decided to just write about it. The reason I wasn’t feeling like writing is because, with this illness and this feeling of weakness, I thought I couldn’t use my brain to come up with anything worth writing. I didn’t let resistance beat me though, and I’m proud of myself for it, as well as of my beautiful wife who motivated me with her understanding and caring conversation. If nothing deep comes from tonight’s piece then I apologize, since all you’ll get to read is some of my confusion about this sickness which has taken over me recently, which I have no clue what it is. I haven’t gone to the doctor since I’m scared of some bad news, although I don’t have much reason to believe that anything is seriously wrong with me. It’s mostly just fear with no reality behind it, and so Maria has been urging me to go to the doctor so I can at least find out the cause of my almost daily fevers. I think the time is coming, I’ll have to put my fear aside in order to face the truth of the matter. Since I thought it might be due to the fact that I’ve been eating less than I used to over the last year or so, I thought I could get better by simply eating more and healthier, but in all honesty it’s better to be sure of the problem. I’m feeling better now that I’m writing, and also I feel I’m more at peace with the fact that my writing won’t always be super profound and inspirational. I feel like I can finally accept that sometimes we just write for the sake of writing, and that there’s nothing wrong with that. To anyone who’s feeling any symptoms of illness, please do not ignore them! Go seek a professional who knows what’s going on. It might be too late later if you don’t realize it now. Hopefully this isn’t my case, I pray to God that I’m able to remain healthy and continue to enjoy life with my amazing wife. Also, I’ve been trying to remain grounded as much as possible in God, in the holiness within me, which is within us all, the Spirit which is beyond all duality, beyond all pleasure and pain, and which cannot be broken by any illness. To remain connected with this power is easier said than done, yet it is within our grasp, all of us humans can find this within us, if we are serious about it and are willing to put our attachments and aversions aside, and to be thankful and trust the process of life. Everything is part of life, including suffering and death, and if we can’t cultivate the right attitude regarding these facts of life, we are bound to always suffer much, much more than we need to. So I’m hoping for the best, but I’m also working on my mentality and strength of spirit so I can be ready for whatever news I receive.

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 34.

~ Rebel Spirit 

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 31: Writing Meditation Attempt.

I sit at home tonight, trying to get a thousand words together for my blog. Maria’s talking on the phone with her friend, I’m still a bit sick, but she’s been taking care of me. Today was her day off from work, so at least we had all morning together before I had to leave to the call center in the afternoon. She got a lot of clothes washed while I was at work, and when I got back from work I let her know how much I appreciate everything she does for us, since everything is done with love. On the 15th of July we’ll be celebrating two years of marriage together. We moved into this little place right when we got married, a small, separate house on my grandparents’ property. We have some photos of our wedding on the tables, some 3D stickers both us have collected are on the walls, and in the room mainly we have some inspirational quotes, spiritual and philosophical, from Jung to Jesus to Buddh, from the Bible to the Bhagavad Gita and James Allen’s ‘As A Man Thinketh.’ Motivation is something I can’t be without, and these quotes provide just that for me. I just look at a random one and read it sometimes when I’m in our room. I’m sitting on my bed right now, the table is right by the bed. This table was previously used as a counter at my grandparent’s pharmacy which they owned many years ago, I believe, so it has some pharmaceutical stickers still on it. I got the tray with my own medicine on top of the counter, or table I’m breaking down some bud and I’m at peace while I chill in my room. Maria talks, I write. I appreciate the silence, and I speak with myself in a way, just as everyone speaks to themselves all the time. What’s the difference between a writer and an ordinary person though? They are both ordinary human beings, but why does one decide to write? Is it because one has something to say? Often we don’t even know what to say, yet we know there is something we want to say. Are we just egocentric, that we wish to communicate, as if we had something to say, when there’s actually nothing worth speaking? I don’t think this last option is the right one, I believe we all have something important to say to everyone we meet. These interactions don’t happen sometimes, these possibly healing experiences, these connections between people, because we are closed off from people, by our judgments and insecurities. Anyway, I’m just drifting off on a thought train again. What I was previously trying to do was just describe the moment I’m in, this writing experience. Stoned, comfortable, finally feeling alright since I took an acetaminophen pill and took some bong hits about an hour ago. Speaking of connections that simply happen, and of things that just need to be said, I’m glad for the connection that led to our marriage. Maria and I were watching the Morgan Freeman documentary on Netflix a few hours ago, ‘The Story of God’. He doesn’t go too deep into most religions, at least so far into the show, two episodes in. However, he does a great job of showing the basics of most religions and shows us some spectacular scenery from sacred sites around the world. If he did get into too much detail with each belief system there just might not have been much of an audience, I guess. It’s interesting though, and I think that anything that provides us with further understanding of other cultures and their practices is a great tool, a tool to fight the ignorance and fear that arises when we don’t respect, or when we fear and hate, other people’s customs and beliefs. Nothing is all black or white in this dual existence, everything has a lot of dimensions to it. Most of us are ignorant of our own culture, so what about those of other people around the world? We’ve got to escape our personal bubbles of arrogance, of attachment to our own ideas and aversion towards those of others. We lose nothing if it turns out we were wrong, we only grow in understanding. There is nothing to fear from learning about the ways other people do things. We shouldn’t pretend to be sure about things we don’t know, only to close ourselves off from all ways of ever finding an answer. We believe we know, yet we know nothing for certain. Society’s backwards, our bodies are all out of shape, infested with disease. No ease can be found in the way we do things, we do all things the hard way, including learning. We are never at ease, so our faces grow wrinkled, a face of anger permanently portrayed on us. We think this is all there is, suffering and then death. We can’t see the big picture, we think we are strong, we think we run the world, we think we’re reaching the top of the pyramid. In reality we’re weak, we’re afraid of sacrifice and afraid of pain, we’re afraid of facing our demons, so we’d rather unleash them on those around us. We don’t want to change, we want to allow our lower nature to drag us right down to hell. We’ve got to get out of our heads, we’ve got to say what needs to be said, we need to make the correct connections, guided by our intuition. You know what I’m talking about, you know what the right thing is. Stop fucking around and do it, stop making excuses and do it! I don’t know if there’s an overall point to tonight’s piece, since I tried to make it a meditation by describing the things that surround me, the set of what’s going on, yet I always drifted away into thoughts and ideas. I’m at the end so I hope I knew what to say, and I hope it perhaps can inspire someone, as so many great passages have inspired, and continue to inspire, me. 

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 32.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 30: Hope It’ll All Be Fine.

I’m a bit sick with some kind of mild fever and a jittery feeling of every movement being extra sharp when I turn to a different direction. I had it for a whole week already, about two weeks ago. I don’t know what it could be but I’m thinking I might go see a doctor. At least I’m home and I have my beautiful wife with me. Tomorrow’s her day off, thank God. I also got the last of some real good chronic in a tray, so I’m relaxed, I’m not stressing the sickness for now. I’ve been drinking these pills for it anyway, they really help, but I ran out. Maybe I’ll grab a few packs tomorrow if I still feel shitty. Maria’s cooking up something delicious as always; I don’t know what it is but I know it’ll be good. I need to start eating a lot more because I’ve gotten so skinny that I can’t lift the weights I used to anymore. I guess that week-long fever and excessive sweating had something to do with it. I was waking up in puddles of the stuff. I’m blessed to be feeling much better now to be honest. Health is something one should cherish. I take a hit of the bong, I was reading ‘The Perennial Philosophy’ by Aldous Huxley just now, before I decided to start with my daily writing. I gotta read 17 pages a day at least, of a total of 365, in order to complete the book in three weeks. I’m only up to 150 now, but I’m not far behind. Interesting and inspirational read so far, about halfway through. This morning was great. I had time to pray in the morning, to do my twenty-minute meditation, focusing on breathing or simply being, then I had a good meal with some rice and meat. Sometimes I don’t get so hungry, even with the bud, but I’m gonna start eating more without a doubt, since I definitely need to exercise, and I need to eat good if I want to get fit. I mean, I eat three meals a day, but I guess I walk too much under the sun, as I walk daily to work for about an hour. Maybe my fever issues are related to this. Wondering what to write, I look around and take a huge sip of the big red water bottle beside me, then I close the lid. Water is refreshing, especially when cold. I look the other way, pictures of Maria and I on our wedding day. I think we really lucked out and found the right partner for each other, a great blessing came both our ways for some strange reason, and I had to come back to Honduras to receive it. I look at the time, 10:57 p.m. I should try to live life without looking at the time so much, unattached to schedules and time, yet I have just an hour left to write my daily words, eat, and read a Bible chapter with Maria. I hate to be rigid sometimes, but I really have to work on my self-control. No eating after midnight for me, and I have to do the goals today, not past midnight, entering into the next. Right at the end of the sentence Maria called out to me. In a flash I got to rearranging everything on the table and went to the kitchen to help her bring the plates. We ate a delicious pasta  with chicken and ham in it as well as various vegetables. She made quite a lot of food for both of us, since I’ve mentioned my intentions to eat more and regain my strength to her. I was not so skinny when we met, yet I’ve never been chubby or big. I just gotta get back to base, I guess. I’m really feeling like the time is coming up for me to make music again, to create an album like I used to before. I remember how cool it felt, thinking of the album name and cover, how it would all match with the feel and lyrical content of each of the songs, how they would all flow together. This made me feel alive before, but now it seems harder to write music. I’ve been slowly breaking that barrier down though, in part by taking on this thousand-words-a-day goal. Sometimes I feel a great motivation but then I come down, but I hope this isn’t the case this time. I feel like now is the time to really get back on track. I texted my mom today, who is in Canada, and she told me she would be leaving for the vet shortly, as our pet bird Chico, back at their home, is breathing heavily and not really chirping at all anymore, as if he was depressed. I really hope everything will be alright. There’s another bird who’s in a second cage right beside Chico. Her name is Yellow, and originally we received her, from previous owners, along with Blue. Blue got sick and died a few years after. My mom has a big heart, and it would really hurt if something would happen to Chico. I was fond of those cheerful little birds as well, and of their singing, while I was back at my parents’ home. I hope everything will be alright and that the little bird can heal. I wonder what it could be like if we could speak with the birds, with the animals, if we could understand them and communicate them, would we find ways to enslave them in our wicked system, just as we have done to ourselves, or would we find ways to learn from different species, to co-exist in peace and harmony? Just a thought that crossed my mind, we might be able to ask Chico what exactly he feels, so that we may know if his issue is truly a medical one, or if it is instead a psychological one. What goes on in a bird’s mind, if anything at all?

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 31.

~ Rebel Spirit

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1,000 WORDS (2nd attempt): DAY 29: Health and Choosing Wisely.

Cherish your health, as it is the blessing through which we enjoy all earthly blessings. In life, we must not become attached to any external thing, this is true. This includes the body. We must not become attached to our body, or become vain about our image or strength, or despise it by becoming totally obsessed with transcending it. We are all One spiritual being, constantly creating life, and so life is renewed at each moment, both around us as well as within us. This being which gives us life is our collective Spirit, the image of God, of the source of wisdom and love and all godly qualities. The Spirit dwells in the human body, within and yet without, everywhere at once, omnipotent, omnipresent. Life radiates from the Spirit, and our precious consciousness is an emanation of his wisdom. Consciousness does not arise in the mind. It is instead the mind’s master, the one in charge of the mind and the body. Taking care of our own bodies and being aware of the state of our health are the greatest tests of discipline we could ever face. We are all blessed with bodies, yet we choose to neglect the possibilities of using them in the right way, understanding the body, connecting with it, feeling its reactions to certain foods and drinks. We also don’t value it that much at times, only until it’s too late and we start wishing it would be what it used to be. We all run from physical pain like the plague, but what if the pain will kill us? What if it is so strong that we can no longer enjoy a meal? We never think of these things, since they only happen to others. The fact is though, that pain haunts us all, it brings out raw emotion from within, in the form of screams and cries. Even with minimal pain, we all love to complain, we love to whine and moan. Why do we do this? Are we seeking attention, why do we feel the need to express our pain? We’re not used to pain, we want to root it out of our lives and out of our world for good. I can’t deny that such a utopia would indeed be wonderful, if it could be true for human beings, in the highest possible sense. The problem is that this isn’t the world we all face every single day. Corruption and climate change, recession, rape, evil and its consequences can be perceived everywhere in the world, and we know these are all evil deeds. At this point one can develop a chronic fear of the world, and of all the possibilities for chaos. Needless to say, this is bound to lead to escapism. For a common person though, most of these traumatic experiences have never been experienced as realities, and for that they are thankful. We can all be thankful for such protection, but in some regions of the earth people are beyond thankful every single day because their family members are alive to see another day and haven’t encountered a gruesome death. Everything in life passes, but some things are forever with us, and they only pass when we pass from this life. Emotions are extremely hard to heal, so be careful what you say and do. Be extremely mindful of what you do, what you eat, how often and how much of what. Make arrangements for healthier living as well as healthier lifestyle plans, don’t stress or worry, and always count your blessings before you complain. This is far from ignorance, this is acknowledgement of each possible obstacle to the reality of divine peace of mind and body, in which one can remain calm and face each problem with courage and respect. We all need to be as mindful as possible of what we do in order not to feel suffering later on, yet, once we already make a mistake, we must accept the consequences of it. There’s no need to complain, or to look back at the past. The problem will never be solved, as it’s gone into the past. It has no existence. Life provides millions of opportunities to learn, but we’re really the ones who choose. We need to understand what stands against us, what can break us and take us away from reality, from the higher reality we’ve come to understand but are yet to know fully. We need to be alert of what triggers us to forget our honor, to break our promises, to act impulsively. Intuition and instinct are not the same, and one is easily mistaken for another. It’s become so extremely necessary, in such a confused world, to use wise judgement. This doesn’t mean that we must publicly judge and harass people in any way, only that we must understand the ways in which our interactions with different people in our lives affect us and shape our fate. We need to know right from wrong, as we don’t live in a heavenly realm here, yet God can be found in every victory and in each defeat, at the highest achievement of one’s career, and at the worst experience of rock bottom, the unconscious and unwilling loss of everything one previously identified with. Within the Spirit we are always above all trials and tribulations, yet we must not, simply cannot, escape from said tribulations. It is necessary that we face them and live through them, that we understand the ups and downs of our lives at the same time as we remain connected with the higher reality where we primarily reside. We must shine our light on the world by simply being, not by imposing, but by radiating a presence of love, by showing the world that we walk the talk. Even if they don’t claim to agree, their higher mind knows what is true, and the subconscious mind stores deeper thoughts of truth as well, even if the self-perceived identity thinks it doesn’t agree or understand. 

To be continued tomorrow, on Day 30.

~ Rebel Spirit